TVSquad

Bruce Willis made an unexpected appearance as a Giant Head. I think he's the first non-anchor guy to play that role? Anyway, he did the usual put-downs, telling Jon that Christopher Walken, the night's guest, doesn't really care for him. The Giant Head gag needs to die a quick, silent "Seat of Heat" kind of death. A part of me feels like they're only keeping the joke around because they built that screen for that very purpose. "But if we don't do the Giant Head gag, what will we do with the screen? Put the shadow people back in?!"

"You Have No Idea!": The latest fellow to get in trouble with the DC Madam scandal is David Vitter. Of course, his poor wife had to face the cameras and look pretty as he apologized. In other depressing news to make anyone lose their faith in humanity, the former Surgeon General Richard Carmona shed light on some off-limits things from his time under Bush... like... the Special Olympics. Those damn Kennedy-relatin' Special Olympics.

"Hot and Fathered": The depressing news doesn't stop there. Victims of priest molestations are set to get major payouts, depending on the degree of abuse. They'll have to talk to a claims adjuster for the amount to be decided because, apparently, the church has insurance for this kind of thing. I don't know... News like this makes my head ache.

"L.A. Stories: Chasin' Priestly": Samantha Bee elaborated on the situation, Hollywood style. Honestly, it was kind of random and pointless. It's times like this when I wish Rob Corddry was still around so that his creepy correspondent character would really sleaze up the news.

The night's guest was Christopher Walken, promoting Hairspray. The interview was a little awkward, mainly because of the strange pacing and pregnant pauses, but because of Walken's startling starpower, it wasn't that big of a deal. As I watched Walken sit in front of the highly saturated, multi-colored screen, I couldn't help but note how pasty he is. I mean, he was nearly translucent. Again, if it was on any other celebrity, I'd be a little weirded out, but since it's Walken, I don't mind as much. Walken talked about his mainly Mediterranean diet, his musical background, and, despite stating the absolute and complete truth, completely freaked me out with "In Hairspray, I play John Travolta's husband..." I never thought about it that way before. Now I don't know if I want to see the movie anymore.

On a side note: It's been a year since I've moved to Baltimore and I still haven't had a John Waters sighting, let alone encounter. Not cool.

Jon/Bruce: Giant Head Bruce Willis popped in to share a seriously, seriously dated Sixth Sense joke. Hearing Sixth Sense jokes these days makes me cringe about as much as Clinton-centric cigar and/or blue dress jokes. Moment of Zen: Can kids get drunk on hand sanitizer? I think fewer kids would get colds if they could.