TVSquad

(S08E05) In the screen capture above, it'd be easy to think Dick is being censored by Big Brother as he spits out an acerbic tirade filled with F-bombs. That's not the case. Dick actually just chewed off his own tongue in disgust because he bleeping bleeps the bleep out of Jen.

Okay, he didn't really chew off his tongue, but after this episode it's not hard to imagine that Jen could really set off that kind of rage inside the evil one.

Need proof? Here's a sampling of some of the pleasant things Dick had to say about Jen this week. Parents may not want to let the kiddies follow the jump...

• The sight and sound of her irritates the shit out of me.
• If she drowns in the bathroom, it would be good for me.
• If my daughter was that self-involved and self-absorbed, then I'd have really made some mistakes as a parent , even worse than I already have.
• Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. Oh you're playing chess? So look at my chest! (Referring to Jen's "the world revolves around me" attitude).
  
• I would put my d*ck in a meat grinder first. (As a response to Zach saying Nick and Jen should start dating).
  

Dick's verbal crucifixion of Jen came to a head when he confronted her after she carried on a conversation with herself while he was trying to sleep. (Who exactly was she talking to?)

He basically said, "if you don't start being considerate of other people besides yourself, I'm going to make you the most miserable bitch in this house."

To make his point, Dick reiterated this same statement in three or four different ways as Jen stammered through defending herself - a similar defense to the one she used when Nick gave her the verbal dropkick a few episodes back.

I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I actually started feeling a little bit bad for Jen. I'm starting to realize that although she pretty much deserves the verbal lacerations she keeps receiving, she's completely oblivious to the fact that she deserves them. When you think about it that way, it's kind of sad.

I'd like to blame it on the edit she's receiving, but I don't think that's the case. She's really that clueless. I have no idea how she's made it 23 years.

Enough about that nonsense.

Two sequences had me absolutely dying tonight. The first came when Zach and Mike created a drinking game where they had to take a gulp of water every time Jen said the word "I".



I don't think Zach and Mike really thought about the repercussions of this game. Jen says the word "I" more times in a day than an opthamologist says it in an entire career.

If this game lasts more than a couple of days, the both of them will die from water intoxication. Mark my words.

The second sequence came during a weightlifting session in the courtyard. Zach and Dustin decided to come up with some alter egos complete with back stories for Mike and Nick who were ostensibly competing for the weightlifting championship of the world.



Mike was Magnus von Vagnusson, an Austrian weightlifter who "knows how to grip rod well". He also has two giant "W' tattoos on each of his butt cheeks (that ultimately ends up spelling the word "WoW").



Nick was Kragnus von Vagnus, a Croatian weightlifter whose mother died at birth because he was born with a full set of teeth.

Quality stuff.

Food Competition - Name That Pie

Tonight's food competition was an interesting game called Name That Pie. The premise was similar to that old '70s show, Name That Tune, only instead of wagering how many notes it would take to name a song, the contestants were guessing how many bites it would take them to identify two flavors within a single pie.

That doesn't really sound like too big of a deal until you realize that the ingredients included such delicacies as tofu, pickles, clams, bananas, and figs among other things. Of course, in typical Big Brother fashion, the producers went out of their way to choose two uncomplimentary flavors to make the challenge as unappealing to the house guests as possible.

The teams were split boys against girls, with the exception of Joe who found himself on the girls team...

Blue - Dustin, Dick, Nick, Mike, Zach, Eric
Red - Joe, Jameca, Jessica, Amber, Kail, Daniele

Long story short, the red team lost to the blue team by a score of 5 to 7. The biggest thing to come from this was the fact that Daniele is going to have to be on slop for another week, which is sad because if Daniele loses any more weight I'm worried a random dog may snatch her up and bury her in a backyard somewhere.

America's Player

As it turned out, America wanted Eric to target Jessica for eviction. I have to agree with America's decision as I'm pretty sure my eardrums aren't going to be able to handle much more of Jessica's nasally voice.

Eric mentioned that he wouldn't have picked Jessica on his own, but he wants to be as good an America's Player as he can be, so he happily obliged.

He ended up almost convincing Jen to vote for her on account of Jessica being "sketchy and up to no good." It was a weak attempt, but he really didn't have much more to work with. I'm just happy he keeps doing what America tells him to do.

Tonight, Eric is to be afflicted with somnambulism, otherwise known as sleepwalking. America is going to vote on whose bed he will be infiltrating.

Eviction Ceremony

After the vicious outburst and Jen's hatred/jealousy of the owner of the key to Nick's heart, it was pretty much a given that Evil and Daniele would find their necks on the guillotine this week.

Jen pretended like her nominations were an effort to cleanse the house of "a negative atmosphere". I think that argument works for Dick, but makes no sense for Daniele. She's clearly out for Daniele's blood.

Tuesday, we'll find out if Dick maintains his vow of not campaigning against his daughter. We'll also see if the POV comes into play with this eviction.