TVSquad

(S08E01) I had my doubts that this season of Big Brother could come close to comparing to the reality TV gold standard that was set by last season's all-star cast. I actually perked up and got a little dreamy-eyed and nostalgic when I saw a picture of the good Dr. Will pop up on my television 15 minutes into the show.

Despite finding out that my man crush would have absolutely nothing to do with Big Brother 8, I still came away from the premiere feeling like this is going to be an excellent season thanks to the unique twists the producers decided to throw at us this year.

For starters, the fact that three of the contestants already have beef with three other contestants is going to have major implications on the dynamics between the housemates. The interaction between Joe and Dustin has proven this already.

Secondly, "America's Player" is going to add a whole new dimension to the game since the viewing audience will be an active participant in the game.

Before we get into that, let's take a look at this season's players and the silly catch phrases I'm pretty sure the cameraman forced them to come up with.

The Contestants

Jessica is a bubbly 21-year-old student/cheerleader, and the only person she will be cheering for is herself.

Nick is a former pro football player (for what team?) and he is going to use his body for bait.

Eric is a talent management assistant and no one has ever played the game like him before...

Danielle is a waitress who doesn't want you to underestimate a California girl.

Evil Dick is a bar manager and the house isn't going to know what hit them.

Jen is a nanny/hostess/model/actor and her body is not her only asset.

Mike is a painting contractor and he's going to paint the rest of the house out of the picture.

Kail is a business owner and her family runs the town of McKenzie Bridge just like how she's going to run the Big Brother house.

Joe is a receptionist at a children's hair salon and he is going to blow away the competition with a blow dryer and visible chest hair. Lots of visible chest hair.

Carol is a student/Senator's daughter and she knows a thing or two about politicking.

Amber is a cocktail waitress/single mom from Vegas and she's about to show us how this game should really be played.

Zach is a graphic designer and he's going to out think the competition.

Dustin is a shoe salesman and you're not going to believe this, but he's going to walk all over the competition.

Jameka is a school counselor and she's a very sweet person, but you don't want to get on her bad side or you'll regret it.

Entering the House

After these wretched intros, Julie cut straight to the chase and had the 11 contestants standing at the front door ready to enter the house in groups and choose their bed. The first group to enter the house was Carol, Joe, Mike and Amber.

From the get go you could immediately ascertain that Joe does not put the b.o.y. in flamboyant. He is absolutely over the top as Carol said and I can already tell he's going to try and be the center of attention at all times.

Nick, Danielle, and Jameka got to go in next and the only thing you really heard was Nick trying to decide which bed was going to give him the most space to presumably bed one of the female house guests. I say presumably because Joe already admits to thinking Nick is easy on the eyes.

Kail, Jen, Eric, and Zach enter last and discover that the only beds remaining were purchased from the children's section at Ikea. The only one who doesn't seem disturbed by this is Eric, who looks to be about 4'8".

Jen, who I think is the most attractive female in the house, points out that her male counterparts are "not attractive at all, well almost attractive, but not". After a statement like that's she's a mortal lock to hook up with one of the guys at some point this season.

The group of 11 then gets together for a pow wow in the living area and we learn a few more tidbits about them.

Danielle is two months from being 21-years-old, and she lies to the group for some bizarre reason because she doesn't want to be the one person who is underage. She's already using some covert strategizing and if this is any indication of what her game will be like this season, I'm pretty sure she'll be one of the first to get jettisoned.

Zach points out that the girls in the house are "really hot" but the choice between meeting girls and playing the game isn't really a choice and that he's there to win. Somehow, with that psycho clown grin that borders on homicidal, I don't think he's going to have to worry about any of the girls wanting to hook up with him, but that's just me.

Nick thinks Jen has a kicking body , and Carol finds her annoying and doesn't think she's a person of substance because she has enormous, giant boobs.

Like Danielle, Kail immediately comes out playing the game by not telling the crew that she already has a successful career. Unlike Danielle, Kail's strategy makes some sense as she'd be less apt to stick around if everyone realized she probably didn't need the money. I think she's going to go pretty far in this game.

Eric is from New York and he hates his job.

As mentioned, Joe is a receptionist at children's hair salon and he got a little giddy when he pointed out that he got to dress up as corduroy bear one year. I'm going to have fun ridiculing of Joe all season.

Jameka feels out of her element and she's not used to being around white people.

Moving on, Dustin, Jessica, and Dick are upstairs in another room. They are purposely segregated from the other house guests because, as mentioned earlier, the three of them have some drama with three of the people sitting in the living room.

When the guest list and show premise was revealed earlier this week, I was sure that all 14 of the contestants would have a nemesis that resided in the house. That's why I was a little surprised to see that only six of them have an arch rival. Does this seem a little unfair to anyone else? Aside from the extra pressure the six people will find themselves under, they are either at a great advantage or a great disadvantage compared to the other eight people in the house. I can't really decide if this a good or bad thing for the six, but either way it seems a little unfair that all 14 of them don't share this inconvenience (or convenience depending on what you think about it).

Very quickly - Dick and Danielle are an estranged father and daughter, Dustin and Joe are ex-lovers that will probably battle all season long to see who can expose the most chest hair, and Carol and Jessica were former best friends who stopped being friends because one owed the other five dollars. Okay, I can't actually confirm that last one, but that's the only reason I heard for their rivalry.

I actually laughed a bit when Dustin realized his former lover, Joe would be the guy living in the house. That's when Dustin pointed out that Joe is very manipulative, he has gigantic nipples, and that he slept with one of Dustin's friends. Later on, Joe pointed out that Dustin gave him gonorrhea. I think Joe won this battle of words.

I also thought Joe's expressions were hysterical when he realized Dustin would be living in the house.

He went from a happy clapper:



To a slightly demented demon in seconds flat. Werewolves exposed to moonlight don't change that rapidly. Funny stuff.



Head of Household Competition

The house guests then went outside to a demented Alice in Wonderland like set-up complete with giant mushrooms, revolving teacups, and playing cards. Apparently, this is the theme of the house this year.

The contestants picked a partner and picked a mushroom. One person got on the rotating mushroom and their partner answered questions that the group collectively answered.

This is what we learned:

Two people have had cosmetic surgery in the house.
Four would give up their best friendship for $500K.
One person would keep their seat and not give it to a pregnant woman on a bus.
One person claims to be a member of the mile-high club.

Long story short, Kail and Eric (who actively tried to lose the HOH) ended up winning and Kail was chosen by the three contestants upstairs to be HOH.

Julie also mentioned that Eric was chosen as America's Player. We'll talk more about that during the next reviewcap.

Sunday we'll find out what the HOH room looks like, who Kail puts up for eviction, and who wins the Power of Veto.

Looks like it's going to be an entertaining season. Who'd you like the best? Vote in the poll.