TVSquad

Let this be a notice to all you TV shows out there who kill off characters in sweeps week, for the sake of novelty or just to tease fans with weeks worth of internet spoilers. This is how you do it. This is how you kill off a secondary character and have it break your viewers' hearts. This show just went to another level. In the last five minutes, it went from being a top-notch entertainment to being art.

I don't mean to overstate things or have this review devolve into a series of meaningless platitudes, but I can only think of a handful of times that television has affected me in the way the final West Side Story montage did tonight. It was unexpected. It was moving. It was a reminder that Betty isn't Drew Barrymore, and that - just like in West Side Story - loving is not always enough.

So, let me just take a breath and move past my unbridled fanaticism, to cover the other 95% of the episode. It was packed with revelations, high drama and the snappy one-liners we've come to expect. Since this is the season finale, let's recap the revelations and cliffhangers just to see where we stand:

- Wilhelmina and Bradford are engaged.
- Claire is busting out of the joint with the help of Yoga and Sugar Free Shirley.
- Alexis and Daniel are lying unconscious in a wrecked car. The brake line was cut by the hit man Alexis hired to off her father.
- Amanda is Fey's daughter.
- Christina and Amanda are trapped in the love dungeon.
- Henry is going back to Tuscon with a pregnant Charlie, but the baby may not be his since she's been cheating on him with Dr. Farkus for two months.
- Ignacio is still in Mexico, and the family of the man he killed knows he in town.
- Christina has an abusive ex-husband in Scotland. (Guess who we'll be meeting next season?)
- Santos was killed in a hold-up on the night of Justin's stage debut in West Side Story. (Alright, TECHNICALLY, we did not see his dead body, and this is a soap opera. But, it's also not Lost. Daniel is in a coma. Alexis could go either way, but Santos is dead. See cops. See Hilda's reaction. If they pulled some kind of "Santos was saved by the teeth whitening strips in his breast pocket" crap on me, it would seriously undercut my respect for the show.)

Not to harp on this, folks, but it's amazing to me that a show that bandies about murder and deadly car crashes as the trumped up telenovela conventions that they are can have a death like Santos' - one that, to quote Betty, rips that band-aid right off your heart. Balancing camp and real emotional weight is not an easy thing to pull off, but the writers and performers behind Betty make it look so damn easy.

I was glad to see Daniel finally confront Alexis directly even if he was insanely far gone. I was really glad to see Henry and Betty kiss even if evil Charlie had to take that all away. Their copy room scene was a classic, which is just as good a segue as any into the comedy. Betty was in top form tonight with Amanda's sexual admissions to Christina, Marc and Wilhelmina's momentary separation (plus bonus "Memories" montage) and funny theater lady Kristin Chenoweth's guest turn.

So, as always, I give you the Ugly Betty one-liner parade. Feel free to add your own favorite moments in the comments section.

- "I thought I smelled jewelry." - Wilhelmina
- "Cupcakes, or something even more special like one big cake." - Betty
- "Inhale Ricky Martin. Exhale Colin Farrell." - Marc
- "Ok, this is getting creepy even for us." - Amanda after whipping Marc one too many times
- "Why don't you go make awkward small talk with your little friend?" - Daniel to Betty about Henry
- "Ringle is my new favorite word." - Henry
- "Would you forget the stupid copies? There are lives going on in here." - Betty with Henry in the copy room
- "Dorkus Interruptus." - Amanda on seeing Betty and Henry
- "Is that the guy who looks like CP3O?" - Mode staffer about Henry
- "It's like when Julia Roberts flossed before whoring herself in Pretty Woman." - Diane
- "We had a nitrus party the other night, and we didn't invite her." - Diane
- "You are such a chick flick. I would totally pay $12 to see you." - Diane
- "We have a Cindy Crawford mole sized problem." - Marc
- "Bad incense and a bunch of guilty men in dresses." - Marc on St. Patrick's Cathedral
- "Fish becomes bitch." - Yoga to Claire
- "Did Angela Lansbury eat a pizza bagel before going on in Sweeney Todd?" - Justin
- Wilhelmina: "You did not just hug me." Marc: "Of course, I didn't."
- "And, I never told anyone this, but his name was Bill Cosby." - Amanda on her sexual conquests
- "You can kiss me now if you want to." - Drunk Amanda to Christina

Wilhelmina Quip of the Week: Fabia: "I wouldn't want to marry without my something old." Wilhelmina: "With those veins in your legs, you already have something blue."

Do I even need to rate this thing? On a scale of 1 to 7, 11.