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Things I Hate About TV: Network execs

TV setOf course, I should say not all network execs because some of them, some place, somewhere, actually do love television and understand you have to give shows time to develop. This is for the other 93% of them.

The network upfronts this week are showing that network executives are the ultimate politicians, tossing around both praise and excuses and bullshit like they were running for Congress. Sure, the networks want to make money, and "spin" is a part of any business. But take a look at some of the comments we've heard this week:

Kelly Kahl, chief scheduling executive at CBS, speaking about the cancellation of Jericho:

"I know we had loyal viewers...but the show sort of lost its engine and wasn't performing."

So you're not only admitting you had loyal viewers (who, if I was a network exec, would take over fly-by-night or temporary viewers), but you blame the cancellation on the show losing its engine and not performing in the ratings? Gee, do you think that maybe, just maybe, the big hiatus you took earlier this year could have had anything to do with it?

ABC's Steve McPherson, on the Grey's Anatomy spinoff Private Practice:

"We're not doing an imitation of 'Grey's'...'Grey's' is a show about these young interns thrown into this world... this is about people who know each other really well and adult relationships...and what happens when life hasn't turned out the way you'd like it to."

Um...yeah. I'm sure that the fact that Grey's is a hit show, and you could play off its name and pedigree had nothing to do with it. Sometimes the network execs sound like the producers and writers who pitch their shows to them, only they're trying to convince us that, "yeah, it's gonna be good!"

Here's Kevin Reilly, NBC's President of Entertainment, on Studio 60:

"It just felt like the show had run its course."

Really? How did it "run its course" when you kept it on in a bad time slot? Or how about when you took it off the air to put on a show that did even worse in the ratings? Did you ever think of moving it? In any other business, if you were to spend a gazillion dollars on a product and then do nothing to secure it and help it along, it would be seen as bad business practice. But I guess this is television, and the rules are different.

Here's Reilly again, on moving Friday Night Lights to Friday nights at 10pm:

"I must have had a billion people ask me why it isn't on Fridays...the mystery is over."

Yeah, and a new one begins. This is a show about community and family and football, right? So why put it on Friday nights at 10, which is probably the only time slot worse than Saturday nights? It's as if NBC said, "OK, it's not getting great ratings, but we're going to stick by it. Sort of." I've always wondered why NBC doesn't just dump Sunday's Football Night In America and put Friday Night Lights in there instead. Sure, it's up against 60 Minutes, but Sunday night has a built in audience for football, and there's a game on right after. And with dad, mom, and the kids all home on Sunday nights, I think they'd find an audience.

Another quote from Reilly:

"I take comfort in quality, not quanity."

[Paragraph would go here if I wasn't laughing so hard.]

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