(S08E13) If anyone recalls, my wife and I made our picks on who would win America's Next Top Model after watching the first two episodes 13 weeks ago. She chose Jaslene, and I chose Renee.
The thing I failed to mention is that over the course of the season our friendly little competition turned into an epic wager with the victor winning the privilege of pooping in the loser's pillowcase.
Needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight.
I'll try and be a good sport and not dwell on this too long, but I have to say I think Renee was pretty much mugged.
In case you missed the show, here's a transcript of what happened when Tyra was doing the whole "I've got three photos in my hand, one of you's be going home" routine:
Tyra: Jaslene. You look like a drag queen, and you have one face. Naturally, you're through to the finals.
Jaslene: I am Latin.
Tyra: Now it's down to you Natasha and Renee. One of you is foreign. The other is blonde.
Natasha: I'm thank you.
Renee: [Begins crying when she realizes Cha Cha's already through, and she's standing next to Natasha who the judges absolutely adore]
Tyra: Renee. You took some of the loveliest shots over the course of this season, and your ability to articulate thoughts and convey emotion is stellar - particularly in this week's CoverGirl spot. You have a great bubbly personality, you excelled in the challenges, and we can really sense your dedication to modeling. We also appreciate your desire to better the lives of those you love. Oh, and you also look like you're old enough to draw social security and actively utilize Medicare parts A and B. Natasha. You are through to the finals.
Okay, so it didn't happen exactly like that, but seriously, I was shocked Renee didn't at least make the final two. It was a classic case of placing someone on a pedestal then slipping a noose around their neck and kicking it out from beneath them at the last second.
I don't even think Renee looks all that old. Older than the other models, yes - but not enough so that it's extraordinarily apparent. Friggin' Nigel Barker slipped this comment in a few weeks ago, and it stuck like a bad weave.
Some may say she deserved it. Sure, Renee was pretty much a raging bitch to everyone on the show until she did her about face midway through the season - which we saw flashes of this episode when she said Natasha, "walks like a pigeon toed duck with a piece of poop sticking out of her ass."
Despite that, this is a modeling competition, and I feel she was just as consistent if not more so than both Natasha and Jaslene. She also had the perfect personality for the whole CoverGirl spokesperson gig. I mean she absolutely talked circles around these two all season long.
It's a shame all the judges gave her the octogenarian stamp these last few weeks. It must feel horrible to be right at the cusp of great success but instead plummet into the pits of obscurity and break your hip.
Okay, I'm done with my bitterness which certainly has more to do with me being wrong than actually being upset that Natasha and Jaslene made the finals. They were both very deserving regardless of my poking fun at them above.
Which brings us to the grand finale. You had to love the confidence Natasha displayed in her little voice overs during the runway challenge. I particularly liked when she said, "I did better than anyone else on runway."
I've never quite seen someone able to simultaneously pull off being completely naive and arrogant but still come off as totally lovable. It's seems like one of these traits should cancel the other out. It never happened with her. She's kind of an anomaly.
You also had to like the way Natasha handled her skirt falling off mid-stride. She handled it like a seasoned pro and did an all around impressive job, although she did look a bit tired near the end of the show.
I think that's what ultimately gave the title of America's Next Top Model to Jaslene. She seemed to have a great deal of energy through the entire segment and looked absolutely killer at the same time.
I mentioned earlier in the season that Jaslene had a fierce model walk, and she was really able to let that shine out on the catwalk. I can't deny she looked like a consummate professional and have no real qualms with her winning aside from the obvious. I still can't get over the way she talks.
It's a good thing most of her ads will probably show up in the print world. I could see myself recognizing her on a CoverGirl TV spot and instinctively flicking on my televisions closed captioning function in anticipation of not having a clue what she's saying. The same could have proven true for Natasha, but I wouldn't need close captioning so much as the ability to mentally plug in all the articles and prepositions she leaves out of her sentences.
And with that, it really started to dawn on me that I'm going to miss this show and the personalities we had this go around. I've never quite seen people like Dionne, Natasha, Renee, Jaslene and Brittany's psychotic asses on TV, let alone interacting with one another and it being so entertaining.
It all went really fast, and there's going to be a noticeable void in my schedule come Wednesday nights at 7:00 PM "junk TV" or not.
I give this episode and really this entire cycle a rating of 7. It may not have been the result I was looking for, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was a great deal of fun the entire ride.
Hope you all had as much fun reading and participating as I did writing. I appreciated all the comments and the emails. See you all next cycle.
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Reader Comments (Page 3 of 3)
5-21-2007 @ 3:52PM
Y said...
First off i want to start by saying that i am very glad that Jaslene won, i think she was one of the pettiest girls on the show. Second i think it is very ignorant for people to criticize her based on how she looks. Just because she is very skinny, and very tall and "her bones show" doesn't mean she neccessarily starves herself. Many people are naturally like that, such as myself and i don't quite appreciate people jumping to conclusions, because the truth of the matter is you are born with the body God gives you and you just learn to deal. And as for the Latin thing, it's just who she is. God forbid she isn't the typical blonde!!!!!!!
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5-21-2007 @ 4:03PM
I LOVE Natasha said...
I LOVE Natasha and i think that she had the potensial to win. i think that she should try again, because she is very amazing. I LOVE YOU Natasha!
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5-21-2007 @ 7:31PM
VH said...
I am so happy Jaslene won. She is an example of not letting rejection stop you from getting what you want.
She is a good role model and I for one am very proud of her.
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5-21-2007 @ 7:04PM
Meghan said...
yes, renee is the best. i was too surprised when renee wasnt in the top two. Renee killed the shoot and the commercial, and Natasha only did one right, like did you see the episode when she was sick, like i can do better than that, and renee nailed it that time two. And for jaslenes part, should a person be given the second chance to compete? The others got make to make it first time around and now she personally knows there critacizam, ect from the last season. I just think that was really phony of them to pick her, plus can any of you understand her! shes only been to the hood and around the coner,
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5-22-2007 @ 11:08AM
B L Woo said...
I wasn't surprised that Jasleen won. After-all, I knew from the 3rd show that they wanted a Latina to win. Jasleen wasn't my choice, I really thought Renee had it all--but they kept on with the "she looks too old" comments that's when I knew that Jasleen had it. Too bad ANTM has to cow-tow to the media and choose simply from pressure being given to them to LATIN up the anti.
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5-25-2007 @ 2:59PM
Angel said...
i love Jaslene....and yes she is america's next top model!!! you go girl!!! love ya...lol
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5-25-2007 @ 4:07PM
calisa said...
I cannot believe that there are still people in America (of any culture) that think for one second that its ok to put down Latinos. We've been put down and looked down on enough. Finally were going out into the world and fighting for our rights and making a difference and people are still putting us down. Jaslene has every right to mention that she is Latina every second of every day. If I or anyone in my family had a chance to be on tv we would do the same thing. I just want to say one last thing, us Latinos are here to stay, we ainb't going anywhere!!!!!!!!
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6-02-2007 @ 4:58PM
allie said...
I would love to talk with Tyra Banks and be on america's next model. Right i cant do that for 1 im only 13 and two i dont know how to even try and sign up for it but if some one would give me a chanse i definitely would take the offer. I have always wanted to be a model. How about you.
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6-08-2007 @ 1:48PM
crazylikedat% said...
I HATE JASLENE CHA CHA MY AZZ
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6-09-2007 @ 7:58PM
LATINA RULE!!! said...
OMG ..SO GLAD THAT JASLENE WON!!!!!GO LATINA!!
LATINA RULE!!THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, SKIN, HAIR, BODY....LOOK AT JLO, JESSICA ALBA, ENRIQUE IGLESIAS, ESAU MORALES, RICKY MARTIN...JASLENE WILL GO FAR JUST BECAUSE SHE'S LATINA...DON'T HATE SHE WON AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS......
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6-13-2007 @ 8:43AM
Paul said...
Well, proud supporters of Jaslene and all that tiring proud Latino tripe....please at least learn to write correctly so that the rest of us are able to understand the official language of this country. I watch this show with my kids since they are highly engaged in this Top Model thing and learn a lot from female group dynamics (frightening at times). So it is very sad to see season after season the decisions and choices that are made on the show which seem strange for kids but understandable for us, adults. Yes, political correctness rules our life to the ridiculous extend - unless you come from ''the hood'', had ''tough childhood'', ''overcame horrible desease'' etc, you have no chance of winning. Melrose was the victim of this last year - did everything perfect, behaved, won the most challenges, ruled the runway, but....psoriasis sufferings of Careedee won her the crown. Jaslene was a politically correct choice - everyone with the brain knows it. She's got lucky, it was her year, I guess. Natasha (not a mail order bride, just an educated classy immigrant that our country should have more) and Renee (bad luck for her - blonde won last year)should have been the true finalists with Natasha winning. But alas, there are more Latino numbers in this country that may cause riots that Russians who perhaps will drink some vodka quietly and overanylize the whole cycle ''Dostoevsky-style''. What a dull sad ''correct'' society we live these days. Time to move to France ;-)
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6-14-2007 @ 11:29PM
anna draper said...
I'M VERY HAPPY THAT JASLENE WON. FACE IT, RENEE LOOKS REALLY OLD YOU CAN SEE THE BEGINING OF CROWS FEET NEAR HER EYES. AND THE INDUSTRY IS ALL ABOUT YOUTH. NATASHA, DID TAKE NICE ENOUGH PHOTOS BUT WAS UGLY IN PERSON, DID YOU EVER NOTICE HER BIG HEAD, I MEAN REALLY, AND IT IS AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL, THE WINNER SHOULD BE A YOUNG SINGLE GIRL. WHAT WERE RENEE AND NATASHA GOING TO BRING THEIR KIDS BACK STAGE WITH THEM?
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7-11-2007 @ 6:53PM
DD said...
im so happy jaslene won i was cheering for her every second shes the best and she prooved it
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7-15-2007 @ 5:44PM
Allison said...
Stop hateing! Jaslean did her thing, she worked it the whole season and I give her all probs for that. You go girl. Everyone else is just full of s*i*.
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