(S08E13) If anyone recalls, my wife and I made our picks on who would win America's Next Top Model after watching the first two episodes 13 weeks ago. She chose Jaslene, and I chose Renee.
The thing I failed to mention is that over the course of the season our friendly little competition turned into an epic wager with the victor winning the privilege of pooping in the loser's pillowcase.
Needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight.
I'll try and be a good sport and not dwell on this too long, but I have to say I think Renee was pretty much mugged.
In case you missed the show, here's a transcript of what happened when Tyra was doing the whole "I've got three photos in my hand, one of you's be going home" routine:
Tyra: Jaslene. You look like a drag queen, and you have one face. Naturally, you're through to the finals.
Jaslene: I am Latin.
Tyra: Now it's down to you Natasha and Renee. One of you is foreign. The other is blonde.
Natasha: I'm thank you.
Renee: [Begins crying when she realizes Cha Cha's already through, and she's standing next to Natasha who the judges absolutely adore]
Tyra: Renee. You took some of the loveliest shots over the course of this season, and your ability to articulate thoughts and convey emotion is stellar - particularly in this week's CoverGirl spot. You have a great bubbly personality, you excelled in the challenges, and we can really sense your dedication to modeling. We also appreciate your desire to better the lives of those you love. Oh, and you also look like you're old enough to draw social security and actively utilize Medicare parts A and B. Natasha. You are through to the finals.
Okay, so it didn't happen exactly like that, but seriously, I was shocked Renee didn't at least make the final two. It was a classic case of placing someone on a pedestal then slipping a noose around their neck and kicking it out from beneath them at the last second.
I don't even think Renee looks all that old. Older than the other models, yes - but not enough so that it's extraordinarily apparent. Friggin' Nigel Barker slipped this comment in a few weeks ago, and it stuck like a bad weave.
Some may say she deserved it. Sure, Renee was pretty much a raging bitch to everyone on the show until she did her about face midway through the season - which we saw flashes of this episode when she said Natasha, "walks like a pigeon toed duck with a piece of poop sticking out of her ass."
Despite that, this is a modeling competition, and I feel she was just as consistent if not more so than both Natasha and Jaslene. She also had the perfect personality for the whole CoverGirl spokesperson gig. I mean she absolutely talked circles around these two all season long.
It's a shame all the judges gave her the octogenarian stamp these last few weeks. It must feel horrible to be right at the cusp of great success but instead plummet into the pits of obscurity and break your hip.
Okay, I'm done with my bitterness which certainly has more to do with me being wrong than actually being upset that Natasha and Jaslene made the finals. They were both very deserving regardless of my poking fun at them above.
Which brings us to the grand finale. You had to love the confidence Natasha displayed in her little voice overs during the runway challenge. I particularly liked when she said, "I did better than anyone else on runway."
I've never quite seen someone able to simultaneously pull off being completely naive and arrogant but still come off as totally lovable. It's seems like one of these traits should cancel the other out. It never happened with her. She's kind of an anomaly.
You also had to like the way Natasha handled her skirt falling off mid-stride. She handled it like a seasoned pro and did an all around impressive job, although she did look a bit tired near the end of the show.
I think that's what ultimately gave the title of America's Next Top Model to Jaslene. She seemed to have a great deal of energy through the entire segment and looked absolutely killer at the same time.
I mentioned earlier in the season that Jaslene had a fierce model walk, and she was really able to let that shine out on the catwalk. I can't deny she looked like a consummate professional and have no real qualms with her winning aside from the obvious. I still can't get over the way she talks.
It's a good thing most of her ads will probably show up in the print world. I could see myself recognizing her on a CoverGirl TV spot and instinctively flicking on my televisions closed captioning function in anticipation of not having a clue what she's saying. The same could have proven true for Natasha, but I wouldn't need close captioning so much as the ability to mentally plug in all the articles and prepositions she leaves out of her sentences.
And with that, it really started to dawn on me that I'm going to miss this show and the personalities we had this go around. I've never quite seen people like Dionne, Natasha, Renee, Jaslene and Brittany's psychotic asses on TV, let alone interacting with one another and it being so entertaining.
It all went really fast, and there's going to be a noticeable void in my schedule come Wednesday nights at 7:00 PM "junk TV" or not.
I give this episode and really this entire cycle a rating of 7. It may not have been the result I was looking for, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was a great deal of fun the entire ride.
Hope you all had as much fun reading and participating as I did writing. I appreciated all the comments and the emails. See you all next cycle.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
5-16-2007 @ 11:44PM
Lusine said...
I cannot believe that Jaslene won! I'm very dissappointed, once again, by the outcome of this show. Now, I must mention, that I really enjoy watching the show, but I find that, somehow, every time, in every
season, the girl that I think is the worst of the bunch wins! I'm sorry but of the three left, she is the ugliest! She is too skinny, to the point of disgust, has a square jaw (like the guy in the incredibles), and I HATE her stupid accent and her constant talk of the "hood" and "latina". I honestly thought that it would come down to Natasha and Rene, and I was hoping and praying that Natasha would win. Not only do I think that she is the most beatiful, the smartest, the nicest and has the best personality and attitude. But I actually think that she
has done the best out of all of them. Especially in the runway show.
I still have no idea HOW Jaslene could win. Could anybody please explain?!
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5-16-2007 @ 11:49PM
Jon said...
Tyra just couldn't resist the "couldn't get in the door last season - wins it all this season" storyline. Gah.
Oh...and kudos to WGN for spoiling the result in Chicago 10 minutes before it was announced with a news commercial. Idiots.
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5-16-2007 @ 11:58PM
RedStarRevolution said...
JJ, I thought after that Heroes review you wrote for Monday's episode you just couldn't lose anymore credibility as a TV Squad blogger...and yet, somehow, you managed to do that right here...with the poop, and the pillowcase.
Even if this is true, and trust me, I don't want to know, the fact that you would low brow it up with a poop joke/story is just plain sad...
TV SQUAD, FIRE THIS BLOGGER, I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TAKE HIS PLACE...
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5-17-2007 @ 12:08AM
Cat said...
I was pretty shocked Renee didn't make it to the final, but the old comments definitely killed her.
In the meantime, I'm glad Jaslene won. She was my pick from the start.
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7-13-2007 @ 8:02PM
Ralph22 said...
My girlfriend Kris and I look forward to J.J.'s blog every week. One of the best bloggers on the site in our opinion. RedStarRevolution...heaven forbid someone use a little wit and humor in a review. Give him more shows to review.
Oh and Renee looked older because they cut her hair short...Tyra lets her keep it long and J.J's crapping in a pillowcase tonight.
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5-17-2007 @ 12:16AM
BigTed said...
So Renee, you did the best in all the skills we're looking for, you're smart and sophisticated, and you took the best photos. But you're already 20, and you look even older. So you lose.
Way to be a role model for the girls of America, "ANTM."
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5-17-2007 @ 1:37AM
nOva said...
Off-topic (and I apologize), but sometimes the attacks on the bloggers here really unnerve me. Commenting is a privilege, not a right, and being insulting to the people that write here (whether you agree with them or not) is just unnecessary.
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5-17-2007 @ 2:15AM
Roxanne said...
Okay, I'm sorry but Jaslene looks like a friggen transvestite. Whoever thinks pure bones with short legs and an extra long torso is beautiful, has lost their mind.
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5-17-2007 @ 9:38AM
Sorceressss said...
I agree 110% with Lusine. I cannot believe Jaslene won! Her chin is huge and her nose looks terrible in profile. She is way too skinny and yes, enough with the Latina crap. Natasha was the picture of class to ALL the other girls the whole season. She took critisism and improved herself with it instead of sulking. She never personally attacked the other girls, she got along with all the potographers. And hands down, she was the best looking of them all. So it is really a shame she didn't win.
On a side note, how apropos that the last comment Renee made on the show before she left was a negative one- I think, in the end what made her look old was not her haircut, it was her mean spirited personality.
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5-17-2007 @ 9:45AM
Alli said...
Remember at the beginning of the season when Tyra was all excited that there were two plus-size models on the show, because the modeling world is so unrealistically slanted towards ridiculously, frighteningly skinny girls and ANTM was all "poised to change that image"???? I guess Tyra changed her mind about all that. Not that I think either of the plus-sized girls could or should have won, because I understand that a top model is actually not the same thing as a plus-sized model. But what about somebody who has a nice body who is thin without being yucky (LIKE RENEE!)? Apparently that won't work either - so they picked Jaslene - who, incidentally, looks like some sort of stretched-out skeleton. Oh, but she has an accent and the worst English grammar I've heard in awhile. So there you have it, diversity in the modeling world.
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5-17-2007 @ 11:22AM
Jodi said...
I totally think they "mugged" Renee, yes she wasn't the nicest person on the show, but she really was the best one. I really don't think Renee looked that much older than the other girls, but the short haircut they gave her didn't help. They really had no other excuse to get rid of Renee so it seems like they came up with one at the last minute, especially since they already had a blonde win last year, they had to change it up a bit. I will say I was really just disappointed in the winner this year.....
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5-17-2007 @ 12:18PM
Gordy said...
I've been telling you people for weeks: "Don't sleep on Jaslene".
http://www.tvsquad.com/2007/05/09/americas-next-top-model-the-girl-who-does-not-want-to-dance/#c4850240
http://www.tvsquad.com/2007/05/03/americas-next-top-model-the-girl-who-blames-the-taxi-driver/#c4757977
She has been under the radar the whole time. No drama, no hate, just great photos week after week. I knew she was going to win.
Besides, you could tell last night she was going to win...cause...I swear...every time they talked about her they used the word 'fierce'. She was a shoe-in, every since the school weirdo pic--which I think they showed to announce the winner.
Also, and this goes in to 'Top Model' lore, but, her CG pic was the most youthful. That pic always wins.
Not to mention, she was the best.
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5-17-2007 @ 12:30PM
Gordy said...
Alli: A plus-size girl can win, but she has to be better than her competition to do it. The two plus-sized models this season did not compare to their competition. I mean, just try to put one of Whitney's photos over, say, Brittany's. There's no Affirmative Action for plus-size models.
The best plus-size model on ANTM was Tocarra, who went on to be a successful model after the show. Even she self destructed on the show and was cut.
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5-17-2007 @ 12:59PM
Alli said...
Gordy: I think you may have missed my point. I already stated that I didn't think either of the plus-sized girls on this cycle deserved to win. I only mentioned them to illustrate the irony of the show's early promotion of "all types of girls" contrasted with the later unequivocal endorsement of "skinny models". Jaslene won a competition to become a spokesmodel for Cover Girl, among other things - and she's a stick figure who doesn't speak English.
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5-17-2007 @ 1:04PM
E said...
All of you that are whining about Jaslene winning sound so ignorant not liking her because of her accent, her grammar, and her being proud of her Latin heritage. It's no surprise to me that most of you wanted the average blonde white girl to win. Ya'll need to realize that America isn't just for white people anymore, and you need to be more open to other cultures, people, and languages. And yes Jaslene is skinny, but she is hardly anorexic looking. It's obvious she is just naturally that skinny.
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5-18-2007 @ 8:45PM
Bea said...
I had worked all day...seen my husband off on a golf vacation with my older son; settled the dogs in after a long walk, and sat down to enjoy my weekly guilty pleasure...ANTM...when, at exactly 8pm, The CW lost signal for the rest of the night in our area. This isn't the first time it's happened during Model hour, but certainly the most frustrating. Of course, I now know the outcome, and hopefully I'll see the replay on Sunday, but I can't believe whoever is responsible let this happen during finale night. Hope Model finds a new network that is more reliable. I am glad Jaslene won, although I also like Natasha. Renee was old, as another viewer said, because of her mean spirited attitude. The other 2 girls were model worthy AND nice.
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5-17-2007 @ 1:31PM
Fee said...
I was suprised that Jaslene won, but I had an inkling she could pull it off. I SO wanted Natasha to win. She has been classy all the way through. Jaslene needs to eat something. I'm sorry, but I am tired of seeing super thin models on the runway.
I believe Natasha will go far with her career though, I really like her overall, especially her bubbly personality.
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5-17-2007 @ 2:36PM
VSJ said...
Pillow case or no pillowcase, JJ, I'm on the same page as your lady when we hate to say we told you so...
As I mentioned before, I think the REAL reason Jaslene "Cha Cha Diva" won is because she does not have any incumbrances - Natasha (Whom I adored as a kind spirit) is married and the same for Renee. In the history of modeling there is not one model that began her career schlepping a husband and kids on jobs - you just cannot expect to begin and build this type of career when you are married and/or have children because it does not encourage a family lifestyle...Undoubtedly, Jaslene is a beautiful girl and very photogenic. However, at the end of the day, this was a business decision that played out as great television.
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5-17-2007 @ 3:39PM
I hate Jaslene! said...
I am sorry. There is no way Jaslene should have won!
This is typical of Tyra back paddling every season. Do you remember how much crap she gave Daniel for her accent? HELLO!! Jaslene! OK so you are Latin and you have a vitually unintelligable accent- that does not mean you have to speak like a retard. Your grammer is worse than a six year old and she is supposed to be a role model that does commercials? I totally agree with you as well- all this talk about unhealthy role models and they end up doing a 180degree turn! Jaslene is emaciated!!!
And then on top of it all- no matter how much they tried to play up the whole "cha cha diva" thing she had virtually no personality. Pobably becuase the editor went back after she won and cut out all the bitchy things she said!
Either Natasha or Renee should have won- we all know it.
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5-17-2007 @ 3:46PM
chade said...
how can people say they hate some 1's accent???? to me thats like sayin i hate latinos or russians, they cant help their culture... I am very happy jaslene won , for 1 glad to see it was neither black or white again, 2 she came last season and didnt give up and look she won, those other two girls were mothers that love their children very very much and i think between modeling and their children they would choose their kids and family , so why not give it to a girl that really wants it ,not give it to some 1 that wants to get quick money for their family , theres no true hearts desire for modeling for natasha and renee, and besides natasha photographs well, but shes ugly in person, she looked horrible on that runway and at the announcement she looks big and her neck is huge and short, and she looks older than renee to me, only problem i have is that they gave renee that old lady haircut then complains she looks old well???? as far as natasha she never wore her hairstyle since they gave her that make over every week she came to judging she looked like a house wife,,,, im very very happy and proud of jaslene shes sexy , hot, fierce and fiery the runways need that latina spice , she will be somthing new and fresh if she works hard she can do it, im so tired of seeing those wide head , twisted faced girls on the runway with eyes on each side of their heads, give us some new flavor.. 80% of runway models are czech or brazilian , so jaslene will be exciting to see
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