(S08E09) The CoverGirl commercial is inevitably the Hindenburg of every America's Next Top Model cycle.
All season it lingers in the background, threatening to set the whole series ablaze in a wholeheartedly entertaining inferno, and I looked forward to it with the glee of a chronic arsonist.
The best part was, we had four potential catalysts for fire this season.
First there's Natasha and her heavy Russian accent and broken English. Then there's Dionne "That's-Coo" Wholahay and the fact that she thinks Grammar is an actor on Cheers and Frasier.
Next, there's Jaslene who I've dubbed, "Double Neg" because I don't think I've never heard no one use no more double negatives in my life. Finally, we have the self-proclaimed "spreader of light", Jael. No need for me to beat her speaking habits into the ground any further.
Oh yes, this episode promised to be nuclear in proportions, and I sat eagerly in my living room with the champagne of beers and a fire extinguisher, ready to watch as the girls offended every Australian on the planet with their hideous Aussie accents.
Needless to say, I was sorely disappointed. Aside from a few awkward moments and Jael (who sucked pretty consistently), things didn't go nearly as badly as I expected.
In fact Natasha, the person I expected to do the absolutely worst, nailed her interviews and her commercials despite a severe shortcoming (i.e. English being a second language).
Dionne and Jaslene didn't do as poorly as I expected. They weren't great by any stretch of the imagination, but I was expecting the both of them to break down out of frustration and it just never happened. I also thought Renee did a much better job than she was given credit for by the judges.
The real surprise came with Brittany.
Now, it wasn't really apparent. In fact, I'm not even sure how I noticed such a casual detail, but during the episode I heard this story about Brittany getting hit by a car when she was in high school, cracking her head on a curb, and getting eight stitches?
Is it completely inappropriate to say I wish I'd have been driving the car? It is? Doesn't matter.
Here's the thing. Despite it being a horrible thing for a person to go through, the judges were right.
We all have our flaws and/or disabilities and it's our responsibility to make the required adjustments to accommodate for them in the challenges we encounter in everyday life. You suck it up and you carry on.
Brittany conveniently dropping this story in the laps of the viewing public and the judges when memorization was a critical requirement for a task came off sounding a lot like an excuse. I find this to be a much bigger faux pas than skimpy shirts with bra straps showing.
Anyhow, that might be an unpopular opinion with the people reading this, but since there are only a few of you that comment on a regular basis, I'll take the risk.
Moving on, can I be the first to say that I miss the evil one. I liked Renee a lot better when her tongue was forked and she had to molt her scales every once in a while. She's still my favorite. It was just much more fun watching her use words as tools of pain and destruction instead of peace and tranquility. I think she'll find her way back to the darkside eventually. She just needs time...and the allure of $100K right within her grasp.
Finally, let's talk about the girl who got kicked off. I can't believe that for a portion of the season, I thought Jael had a chance to win this thing. The scene during this episode where she started talking about being one with nature and slowly walked up to the chicken was truly a case of the fowl meeting the foul, no?
Jael's unrefined and errant ways finally caught up with her. Being flippant can only last for so long before it's viewed as annoying and immature. It's a shame too because Jael took some beautiful photos this season. Her very first one still stands out to me as one of the best this entire season.
Overall, I give this episode another 6 for high entertainment content.
Only five models remain. Who will be America's Next Top Model?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
4-19-2007 @ 3:53PM
Gordy said...
Actually, the Cover Girl commercial isn't Hindenburg at all. After all, no ANTM contestant has yet to speak in a CG commercial--though, Dani has appeared in a few.
The mist glaring evidence was the season Nicole won over Nik. Nicole was awful during the commercial--even requiring cue cards--while Nik was flawless. I'm still mad over that.
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4-19-2007 @ 4:00PM
Gordy said...
Oh, and I'll make a predition. The real reason Tyra wants Natasha as a 'correspondent' on her show, is so she can explore her family life.
"Next on Tyra: You know her as the babbling Russian on America's Next Top Model...but he knows her as his mail order bride..."
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4-19-2007 @ 4:12PM
MissPinkKate said...
I had thought Brittany was going to win it, but she's way too annoying. Which only clears the way for my favorite, NATASHA, to take it all! Wooo!
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4-19-2007 @ 4:15PM
Gordy said...
MissPinkKate, don't sleep on Wholahay/Dionne and Renee. One of these girls is in the top 2.
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4-19-2007 @ 4:36PM
Chris said...
I was at a friend's house as they were watching this. I like how they basically implied that broadcasting degrees are useless and anybody can do the news.
Speaking of the Hindenburg, they need to build the next one and have it crash on the set of this show.
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4-19-2007 @ 4:52PM
Kira said...
I, for one, was so happy to see "the spreader of light" booted last night. It was a nice one-two punch following Sanjaya's overdue dismissal last night. Perhaps I am just turning Renee-like as the season goes on (albeit the old school Renee), but I had just lost complete patience for the fruity mumbler.
I was cracking up when Dionne kept saying "Thats cool, that's cool" and it was in that moment that I realized her chances at winning were also slim to none.
Brittnay and Jaslene are in a race to be kicked off next. Brittnay has been a perpetual victim since the show started, and Jaslene has yet to ever come close to that brilliant "outcast" photo by the bleachers.
So, I'm laying money now... the winner will either be Renee or Natasha. Frankly, I'm happy either way. I do agree that Renee isn't as fun when she's not a bitch, and it seems that they are all in a love-fest these days.
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4-19-2007 @ 7:53PM
Courtney said...
I really like Brittnay and want her to win really bad. I think she takes the best photos ever. I think for Renne or Natasha to win would be horrible, I mean what is this America's next top baby's mama? I'm pretty sure most of all the contestants have kids back home and I don't know if it's just me but I think once you have a child at 18, modeling should be put on the back burner.
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4-20-2007 @ 9:56AM
Where did my stars go? said...
Gordy, have you missed the Cover Girl ads with CarrieDee all season? I'm a little confused by your comment.
The CG ad came early this year. I can only presume it is because they wanted to make fun of the speaking voices of our grammatically challenged young females. I was shocked to hear that Jaslene was born in the US (or that is what I presumed since she said she "hadn't gone nowhere." I guess that includes 9th grade English class.) I had assumed Jaslene's accent and thick delivery was the result of English being a second language for her, too.
I thought Natasha was going to come in dead last, but was pleasantly surprised. I would have liked to see her deliver that ad in her native language. I bet it would have been fantastic! Think she will be the girl in charge of Moscow's Next Top Model when the franchise gets that far?
Brittany, too bad the pity vote didn't work for you. Getting nerves and trying to blame it on brain damage ain't gonna work. Or rather, it might have if they didn't give you CUE CARDS to read from. You didn't have to memorize it - just don't roll your eyes completely to one side to look at the cards. I like Brittany's photos the best, but she is too big of a crybaby for me.
I'm rooting for Natasha at this point.
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4-20-2007 @ 8:37PM
VSJ said...
Stars, I'm with you...I would love to see Natasha win it all and her naivet'e makes her genuinely beautiful inside and outside.
Something unusual is happening this season, where I actually care for all of the models (Yes, even Renee - the good side) and feel this group of young women have more in common with viewers - they all have the 'girl next door' appeal (now that DIVA Kathleen is gone), but each have something special. Up until now, each season I have been able to identify the winner - this season, it's anybody's game and they are all possibilities.
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