TVSquad

If you weren't watching Adult Swim last night at 10:00 p.m., then you really missed out. I didn't believe it when Adult Swim said they'd be premiering Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters on television, but there it was, right on my TV screen. Anyway, here's my review for those of you who missed it:

I never imagined that an eleven-minute cartoon could be stretched out into a four-hour movie, but that's exactly what they did, and I think most of the credit should go to screenwriters Charlie Kaufman and Paul Schrader, who actually worked pro bono. As Schrader told Variety:

"I've been calling creators Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro for months, but they wouldn't return my calls. I knew this movie was going to be bigger than Taxi Driver or any other film I've written, and I wanted to be a part of it. I told them they didn't have to pay me, just let me stand behind them while they create the storyboards so I could smell their hair and maybe grind against the back of their legs a little."

Fawning screenwriters and absent-minded leg humping was just one of the elements that made this movie such a success. The movie boasted over seven hundred celebrity cameos, including Faye Dunaway, Charles Durning, former president Jimmy Carter, Wanda Sykes, the dog from Beethoven, Jesus Christ, Stephen King, that deep-voiced guy who sings "bluuue moooooooon," the Munchkin who hanged himself on the set of The Wizard of Oz, Beverly D'Angelo, Roy Disney, me, Thomas Paine, John Phillip Sousa, the cast of Fraiser, Tony Dow, Rip Torn, Shred Slice, Rend Slit and Tear Slash.

I also floored by how emotional the film was. Who knew that the middle hour and a half would be entirely devoted to a documentary on the cruelty of puppy mills (literally, mills where puppies are ground into flour)? Also, what other movie released this year, or ever, slows down its end credits so they take a full hour to scroll?

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters is also the very first movie to win the Best Picture Academy Award before the Oscar season even begins, that's how damn good it was. My contacts at Adult Swim forwarded me this message from Academy Award co-owners Larry Academy and Bob Oscar:

Gentleman,

It is our honor to present you with the Academy Award for Best Picture for 2007 through 2027. It is our belief that no other movie over the next twenty years will even come close to matching the perfection you have obtained with this movie. It is because we believe no movie will ever match Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters in greatness that we have decided to commit suicide immediately after sending this missive.

Regards,

Bob Oscar and Larry Academy

Oh yeah, the movie hits theaters April 13.