TVSquad

So you're a fan of anthropomorphic food, disdainful aliens and civil disobedience? And you wish you had something to do with all that wood and LED lights just sitting around your home taking up space? Don't worry, I found a site that should be right up your alley. Now you too can create an awesome flashing Mooninite sign that's suitable for display and possible legal action.

Unfortunately, I have neither the tools nor the material to create such a sign; the best I can do is punch holes in construction paper and shine a flashlight behind it. Oddly enough, I did just that right here in my apartment and within seconds the bomb squad had broken in, dismantled my creation, and knocked me out with my own flashlight. I tried to ask how my creation could possibly be mistaken for an explosive device and was told by a member of the bomb squad to shut up or they'd ship me back to Scotland with the rest of the Italians. I tried to correct him, but he and his men were busy finding other "bombs" in my apartment, including a roll of dental floss they said was clearly a small piece of dynamite with a really long fuse.

Anyway, I'm writing this from my prison cell, and while I'm still not entirely sure how I ended up here, I'm quite content knowing I'm safe from people like me.