(S08E01) Having the opportunity to view this two hour premiere on two separate occasions made it a little easier for me to catch some of those little nuances that make the show so enjoyable.
For starters, Tyra Banks is certifiably insane. In all honesty, I don't know a great deal of information about her but there are two things I know for sure. For one, she is incredibly attractive. That's all I have to say about that.
Second, she is tied with Reese Witherspoon for having the most forehead real estate in Hollywood. In fact, I routinely call her "Fivehead" around the house, but I promise it's a term of endearment.
That being said, I have no clue how to take her most of the time. In the middle of that boot camp sequence when she came out stomping up a storm and broke into the Apocalypse Now inspired speech, I was a little baffled because she seemed to be taking herself 100% seriously. Who could possibly deliver the following lines without breaking into maniacal laughter?
"I love the smell of hair and makeup in the morning. Smells like [a beat] victory."
"I want you to be all you can be, not bitch all you can bitch."
"I want to see my women be top guns, not son of a guns."
It was like watching a really, really bad episode of Def Poetry Jam, but she delivered these lines with Shakespearean conviction. I kept waiting for her to start cracking up but it never happened. Possibly the most amusing part of this episode.
My favorite androgynous TV personality, Miss J. Alexander, had me laughing hysterically no less than five times during the premiere. The "postage stamp" comment during Natasha's intro was priceless. Miss J's wit is second only to Tyra's unintentional campiness as my favorite aspect of the show, but I swear I'm pouring Tabasco Sauce directly on my pupils if J ever wears those army pants again.
One unfortunate part of the show that I can already tell is going to drive me crazy is the inordinate amount of jealousy and excuse making that seems to happen.
Let's see, someone said the only reason Sara knew the "who is Richard Avedon question" was because she's a photographer. Someone else said Jael only won the Goodwill outfit contest because she's an avid thrift store shopper.
Jael said her photograph during the political controversies portion was emotionless because she had a fever, despite hoola hooping playfully prior to the shoot. Renee's excuse had to do with her missing her son and husband.
What happened to giving credit where credit's due and just chalking up a crappy day to not putting enough effort into things or a lack of experience? If anything, this will just get worse as the stakes increase.
I was actually quite pleased that Kathleen was 86'd because I found her to be the most annoying person on the show. From her inability to comprehend extremely complicated phrases like "anti-fur" to her bizarre stance on being pro-animal fur "only when the animal died from natural causes" (huh?), I'm glad I don't have to hear any of it again. It was excruciating.
Some of the comments in last week's early look at this episode said it best. America's Next Top Model is pure "junk television". It's like a roller coaster always threatening to careen off the tracks, but somehow it always manages to keep moving forward while entertaining at every turn. This episode, while a little long and full of fluff, exemplifies that point pretty well.
As promised, my wife Heather's selection to win the competition is Jaslene. While I think Jaslene has the hottest model walk of all contestants, my vote goes to Renee. While Renee is a little abrasive and pretty full of herself (although not nearly as bad as Sara), I think she's got the determination to win this thing.
Can't wait to see how future episodes play out.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
3-01-2007 @ 11:47AM
Ein said...
As much as I love this show, I'm not too crazy about the girls that they picked this season. Usually there is only one or two "bitchy" girls, but this year there is more of a handful and the cattiness is going to drive me crazy (Natasha, Sarah, Renee to name a couple).
I already dislike Renee. It strikes me odd that she keeps repeating that she is "doing this for her son" and has a baby and a husband. Does she not realize what her schedule is going to be like if she wins? She's not even going to have time for family. And if Sarah is so accomplished and "walks for Chanel", then why is she even on the show? And how can she be so accomplished? She's only 20!
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3-01-2007 @ 11:58AM
Gordy said...
It's too early to call winners. Wait 'til the makeovers. Last season, I didn't see Melrose as a contender until her makeover.
I liked Kathleen's look, but I haven't seen the photoshoot/panel portion yet. I'll have to check that out tonight. I was suprised to learn that she was the first to go. I think her flash did her in. No way Cover Girl was going for that.
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3-01-2007 @ 11:59AM
Gordy said...
It's too early to call winners. Wait 'til the makeovers. Last season, I didn't see Melrose as a contender until her makeover.
I liked Kathleen's look, but I haven't seen the photoshoot/panel portion yet. I'll have to check that out tonight. I was suprised to learn that she was the first to go. I think her flash did her in. No way Cover Girl was going for that.
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3-01-2007 @ 12:00PM
Gordy said...
oops.
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3-01-2007 @ 12:03PM
Daniella said...
I like the Russian girl because she is so naive (did i spell that right) She never said that she really loved her husband, just that she owes him...hmmm...I think Sara is full of it and will break down hard soon, can't wait...
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3-01-2007 @ 1:06PM
flubby said...
Biggest forehead? Have you seen Helen Hunt. You could show a drive-in movie on that thing.
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3-01-2007 @ 12:55PM
Cat said...
I said it before, but I'm so happy TVSquad is reviewing ANTM.
Kathleen might have been dumb as a post, but she was funny. But I agree, I'm glad she was cut because I don't know if I could stand it for so many episodes.
I don't really like Jaslene in person, to be honest, but I do think she had the best picture of the bunch yesterday, especially since most of them were just blah.
I like the Whitney and Diana, the two 'plus size' girls. Whitney is gorgeous! Diana needs to work a little bit more, but I think she's got potential.
Samantha is also gorgeous. Renee and Sara both need to shut up. The rest? Meh so far.
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3-03-2007 @ 8:29PM
whitemughal said...
Renee is very determined, but seems awfully brittle. One of the judges said something about her not lasting because of the stress, and I'm inclined to agree. I can see her eventually getting carted away in a straight jacket, Frank Burns-style.
Also, Tyra's fivehead, feh. I have a sixhead.
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3-01-2007 @ 1:39PM
Katrina said...
Does the Russian girl remind anyone else of a lower class Angelina Jolie?
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3-01-2007 @ 2:25PM
Cat said...
Yeah, Natasha totally reminded me of a washed-out Angelina Jolie! I was thinking that when I saw her as Tyra picked the final 13.
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3-01-2007 @ 3:31PM
CastingGod said...
I think one of the Plus size girls will win. Cover Girl needs to get a wider audience for the products.
Now on to the girls, The pro fur girl YIKES she looked like a store mannequin,
Poor Kathleen, my GOD is anyone that dumb?
And to admit that on TV, YIKES again. If, I see that one model cry again I will slap her. I have a feeling she's gonna be crying thru out the show until she's gone. My GOD girl control yourself.
Haven't picked anyone yet as they just don't jump out at me.The Russian girl is pretty but not Cover Girl pretty and remember she has to do the commerical too. That accent will do her in. Thrift store girl will go,Jaslene will go,"Yo use Cover Girl, I said now". Not the kind of girl they buy.At this point most of the others are a bit of a blur. But, I really think one of the plus size girls will win.
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3-01-2007 @ 4:26PM
laura said...
Renee is the queen of excuse, everytime they cut to her she was uttering the "she did better than me because...." and "i am just sad becuase i miss my son" and "I am doing this for my son" I loved the "I have more at stake becuase i have a son" remark, as if all the other ladies dont deserve to win becuase they havent given birth yet, as far as i know, its not a prerequisite for modeling.
I am glad kathleen left, I couldnt tell if she was playing stupid on purpose, or if she really was that dumb. As for natasha, she is not legally a US citizen untill 5 years into the marriage, i am sure once that happens goodbye Mr Goodbar.
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3-03-2007 @ 1:04AM
SteveA said...
why bother, the only recap you need is at:
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/antm/index.html
not my site, but its ANTM perfection.
It's a black girl season this year, so I'm going to go with Whitney, though Jael may win, seeing as she's a halfie.
Samantha will get a contract even though she won't win.
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3-04-2007 @ 10:44PM
InL.A. said...
With all due respect to your wife, I don't think Jaslene will win. For some reason she reminds me of John Leguizamo dressed up in drag (See To Wong Foo). Renee is total emotional wreck who won't make it...Miss J is a brilliant sassy thing!
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3-13-2007 @ 6:03PM
S said...
@Laura,
your comment about Natasha (As for natasha, she is not legally a US citizen until 5 years into the marriage..) is not quite correct. She has to live in the States for 5 years before she can become a US citizen. It really doesn't have much to do with being married to an american...it just makes it easier. However, my understanding was that she came to the States when she got married 2 years ago. How is it possible that she is already a US citizen??
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3-14-2007 @ 9:00PM
Julie said...
I can't stand Renee. She thinks she is the bomb and thinks everyone else is annoying not realizing she is the most annoying. I believe she's the most insecure of all the girls but tries to portray herself as tough and not afraid to speak her mind. She needs to just shut up when other people do something good. She's so jealous. She seriously needs counseling. She appears to be harboring a lot of hurt, resentment and insecurities.
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