TVSquad

(S06E09) After four long weeks of auditions, we've finally made it to the infamous "Hollywood Round." Ryan tells us that 172 contestants are just five days away from becoming finalists, but "those five days are going to be a nightmare."

It might be a nightmare for the contestants, but at home, we are spared most of the mayhem. In fact, Idol speeds through most of the singing completely and a lot of the behind-the-scenes stuff, as well. Where's the emotional build-up? Where's the drama? Where's Simon's nasty comments? Where's the angry outbursts from exhausted rejects pushed to the brink of insanity? I can't get a handle on who's who or who's singing what. Before I blink, people are being sent home.

I never thought I'd say this but, "Slow down, you move too fast." Usually, Idol milks every moment for all it's worth. But tonight, I feel like I'm pushing fast forward on the remote control. Only it's not me. It's the show. So much happened, and yet I feel as if we saw so little of it. Oh, and we got a crap-load of commercials.

THE GIRLS -- INDIVIDUAL AUDITIONS:
Almost twice as many girls as guys were invited to Hollywood, so the competition is fierce. Cuts are going to be made quickly and brutally.

JORY STEINBERG was a judge's favorite at the New York auditions and rumored to be a Top 24 finalist. But she's cut, even though she performs well and dresses exactly like Paula Abdul. In fact, the entire first group of six girls is cut. Simon says, "None of you are any good...it was an absolutely terrible start to the day...No originality." He tells the crowd of hopefuls, "This is a warning to everyone else out there, we're expecting a lot better than this." Looks like Jory Steinberg WILL NOT be the next American Idol.

PERLA (aka Shakira) MENESES shows up in L.A. full of pep and energy. She performs in the same group as Army reservist RACHEL JENKINS. Rachel is cut, but Perla gets through with a warning from Simon that she is "personality over talent at the moment."

BAYLIE BROWN, the 16-year-old country girl from Texas, gets a "very good" from Simon. Remember that during her audition in San Antonio, Simon loved her, calling her "Commercial with a capital C." And I'm not a country fan, but the girl sounds like the real deal to me. At this point, I'm declaring her Top 12.

Ryan informs us that most of the girls weren't good enough, and tons of them were cut, including: ASHLYN CARR, the girl who got the second chance during her San Antonio audition; PORCELANA PATINA, the Rocky girl who whipped her body into shape for the auditions; and SARAH BURGESS, the girl who lied to her dad and went to the New York auditions behind his back. Bye-Bye, they're all going home.

The last contestant of the day is NICOLE TURNER. She sings a song to please her mom, and it sort of sucks because her "heart isn't in it." Her mom confronts the judges to tell them why Nicole screwed up, but Simon doesn't care to hear excuses. And frankly neither do I. Nicole is 27. And it's really embarrassing that her mom is that involved in her life. Can you say "co-dependency," anyone?

Along with Nicole and her mama, 56 girls are cut during Round One. Those who advance to the next round include: back-up singer MELINDA DOOLITTLE; Simon-lover GINA GLOCKSEN; 17-year-old TATIANA McCONNICO; and JAMIE LYNN WARD (the girl whose daddy shot her stepmomma and himself).

THE BOYS -- INDIVIDUAL AUDITIONS:

BRIAN MILLER is first up and he does well enough to make Randy say, "The boys are starting way ahead of where the girls started yesterday and that's a good thing."

Next we see navy guy JARROD FOWLER and 16-year-old MATT SATO. Matt is all teary-eyed and talks about how his mom hugged him after he got home from the first audition. Matt learns he's going to the next round, along with curly-haired favorite CHRIS SLIGH. Unfortunately, it's the end of the road for Jarrod.

Matt calls home again to tell his mom about his success. He cries and she tells him she loves him, which Matt claims she never says. Way to make him earn your love, Mama Sato.

Ryan tells us that 34 guys advance to the next round, including: Seattle beatboxer BLAKE LEWIS; the guy who dropped out during last year's Hollywood Week, NICK PEDRO; PHIL STACY, the guy who missed the birth of his daughter in order to audition; and long-haired Castro look-alike SEAN MICHEL. Ryan doesn't tell us that SUNDANCE HEAD advanced but he's celebrating so I assume he's going through to the next round.

GROUP AUDITIONS:
The 92 contestants who survived the first round must now team up and choose from a list of nine songs. Ryan says, "It really gets tough from this point on."

Of course, there is some behind-the-scenes drama that occurs anytime you throw random strangers together to perform. Baylie Brown teams up with best friends AMANDA COLUCCIO and ANTONELLA BARBA (the Jersey Girls). But the best friends bicker over the song choice, and Baylie is caught in the middle. They're seen rehearsing, having trouble remembering the lyrics. Amanda predicts that they aren't going to make it through. She wanders off to flirt with the boys, because she's sick of practicing. Baylie and Antonella go to bed.

Meanwhile, Gina Glocksen (aka Callie O'Malley) is stuck with Perla in her group. Tempers flare because Perla has limited singing range. And her bubbly personality doesn't help her when she sings off-key.

We see last minute rehearsals the day of Group Auditions, and Ryan says, "Some groups have gelled, but elsewhere cracks have formed."

Simon gives a harsh warning to all: "DO NOT FORGET THE WORDS!"

JOSE LAGUNA is from New Brunswick, NJ (and as a Rutgers alum I have to root for the New Brunswick guy) but he FREAKING FORGETS THE WORDS. Simon tells him "it's over now." Poor emotional Matt Sato also forgets the words, and this time he has to call home and tell his mom the bad news. He's done. I wonder if he'll get a hug when he gets home. Perky Perla also forgets the words of her song, sealing her Shakira hip-shaking fate. She's done too.

Blake Lewis, RUDY CARDENAS, TOM LOWE and Chris Sligh form a group that rocks the damn theater, performing like a professional boy band that's been singing together since puberty. Paula says, "That brought down the house." And they all secure a place in the next round.

Sundance Head didn't have a great individual performance so he knows he needs to nail the group audition. He sings with two girls. One is ROBYN TROUP, the girl who sang at the Grammys with Justin Timberlake after winning their talent search. Some are predicting that she's already headed towards the Top 24. Sundance struggles with the lyrics and knows he screwed up, but the judges generously let him advance. It's a no for both girls, including Robyn. Another internet rumor crushed.

The Amanda, Antonella, and Baylie Group predict that they'll stay friends "no matter what." They go onstage and Baylie CHOKES completely. She forgets like every line of the song. I can't believe it because I thought this girl was headed to the Top 3. Amanda comes on strong, but also flubs the words. Randy says "to call that rough would be an understatement." Unfortunately, Baylie is going home. She cries and complains about trying harder than the other girls. She confronts Amanda and Antonella and accuses them of flirting (which Amanda shamelessly denies, although caught on tape). Their ever-lasting friendship is as over as Baylie's dreams of stardom. Although I suspect she'll be back next year, older and wiser.

At the end of the day, 36 people are going home, including Jesus look-alike Sean Michel. I guess his untimely departure has nothing to do with his refusal to cut his hair. Really, can you believe anything you read on the internet?

On DAY FOUR, only 56 people are left. They have one final performance, or as Ryan calls it, "A desperate last attempt to impress the judges." But we don't see ONE SECOND of these oh-so-important performances. Because everything has been cranked up this week at warp speed. We also don't see any sign of some of the people who impressed us during their auditions, like: JORDIN SPARKS, DANIELLE McCOLLOCH, KIA THORNTON, JENRY BEJARANO, DENISE JACKSON (The Crack Baby), SARAH KRUEGER, EBONY JOINTER (The Carhop), or LAKISHA JONES.

It's time for the celebrity judges to decide who's in and who's out. And the contestants are divided into three rooms:

ROOM ONE:
Looking around I think I see Gina Glocksen, Chris Sligh, Paul Kim, Blake Lewis, Melinda Doolittle, Brandon Rodgers (Lenny Kravitz look-alike), Haley Scarnato (the girl in the sexy black backless outfit), Rudy Cardenas, Jimmy McNeal (the little fun Ruben from San Antonio), and Brit Tom Lowe. This crowd looks good to me (although I'm still not sure who's who because we've barely met these folks). Still, I'm thinking yes. Paula tortures them with "It's been an interesting road. You've had some highlighted moments, you've had some near fatal moments..." before finally breaking the news. Room One is a YES.

ROOM TWO:
I think I recognize (although I'm not 100% sure) Tami Gosnell (the pedicab driver), Antonella Barba (the Jersey girl who looks like Cindy Crawford), Sundance Head, Sanjaya Malakar, Alaina Alexander, and Thomas Daniels.
Randy says, "I'm really sorry to say...that you guys are going to see a lot more of us. You're through." Room Two is also a YES, which means...

ROOM THREE
Looking around I see (but again I could be wrong, so don't quote me on this) Amanda Coluccio, Shyamali Malaka, Jamie Lynn Ward, and Brian Miller. This somber group has already heard TWO rooms celebrating so they know what's coming. Simon breaks the bad news: "It's the end of the road."

There is sadness as Antonella realizes that best friend Amanda didn't make the cut. Also realizing that his sister has been cut, Sanjaya Malakar (17) is in no mood to celebrate. He rushes to his sister to console her. He's so adorably sweet.

Rooms One and Two celebrate, but we know the celebration will not last long. Tomorrow, 16 more people will be going home, and we will get the Top 12 guys and Top 12 girls.