TVSquad

Bush said that Cheney is a "half-glass-full" kind of guy. First of all, "half-glass-full"? Second of all, Cheney's the optimist of the White House? We're doomed. We're so doomed. However, from what Jon shared with us, Cheney has quite a way with words.

Death
Death all around
Black
Black
(quack)
Despair my blanket
I pluck a pretty pink posey
It dies

Senior White House Correspondent John Oliver stopped by to explain the significance of "emboldening". His signaling was quite nice ("Don't you dare bleep this, Comedy Central!"), but I think I enjoyed his attempt at twirling his hair the best.

Senior Black Historian Larry Wilmore talked about how Black History Month is a total drag. I think he said that it was "making up for centuries of black oppression with twenty-eight days of trivia". So true, so true. Black History Month Eve doesn't sound so bad either.

The night's guest was Senator Joe Biden, who just announced his decision to run for the presidency. I was surprised that Jon made Biden face "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy ... I mean, that's a storybook, man." I don't think Jon's attempt at improving the quote ("I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American. Who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy? I mean! That's a storybook... 'man'") was much better. Sorry.

Jon/Stephen: Stephen Colbert's not a very good friend. Moment of Zen: Time tables and safe havens and lollipops and rainbows and breathing embolden terrorists. Don't do it!