TVSquad

Before I begin, I would like to inform you on something: I had an audition of my very own this week to decide who was going to be my fish of the month. (Usually, my fish only last for about a month.) Luckily, I have welcomed Vinny the Beta Fish into my home, and we are off to a great start.

We start our second week off in good ol' Memphis. Thank God I once had a spelling bee with the word Memphis, or we could have been in some serious spelling trouble. It was absolutely another drama-filled hour of television.
Sixteen-year-old Timika Sims kept us so entertained with her complete lack of personality and pronunciation, and she was able to top it off by sounding absolutely nothing like her idol, Ashanti. The issue here is Ashanti isn't that good to begin with, so to sound even worse was a little frightening.

Speaking of frightening, Travis McKinney was yet another finalist who thought he was not only a true musician, but had the ability to really move people with his "emotional song" written for his girlfriend. He actually did move me -- right to my bathroom, so I could throw up. I really felt it. He also proved that whenever I complain about being single, I am obviously very lucky.

Though he didn't move me sexually, maybe he will have better luck with the sexiest woman alive. Janita Burks and her breasts couldn't find themselves any more attractive. And Janita and her breasts were moving all over the place as she did a very original rendition of "Disco Inferno."

Though we had some obvious talent here, nothing was better than the unidentified man pulling the sock out of his crotch during his audition. American Idol is definitely raising their standards.

Through all of this mess there actually was some good talent from Memphis. Sundance -- son of Roy Head, who had the No. 1 song a thousand years ago -- really did well. Having Simon predict that he will see you in the finals is never a bad way to end an audition.

We also heard Melinda Doolittle, who sang "For Once In My Life." Again, Simon complimented her by telling her she had one of the best auditions so far. I am going to have to say, though Philip Stacy was another lucky finalist to make it through to Hollywood, the luckiest one of them all was the baby girl that his wife had while he was auditioning -- simply because she has been blessed with such a beautiful name: MIKALAH!

In fact, you viewers are very lucky. You were able to see that a star has truly been born! Thank you, beautiful. So, with all of that being said, though this week felt like it was the longest hour of my life, it was all made up when little Mikalah came out of the womb! Until tomorrow, peace out.

[Mikalah Gordon was a contestant on the fourth season of "American Idol." Visit her Web site, mikalah-gordon.org.]

Click here for more 'Idol' news, photos, recaps, rumors and more.