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Could a fat girl win American Idol?

fat martin lawrenceI realize that the title of this post is courting a little controversy, but I think it's a question worth asking. Before we begin though, let me say this: I am not a "fattist". I've been very quickly saying goodbye to my own slim self one pizza slice at a time. Also, I'm a big fan of Santa Claus and William Howard Taft. Plus, I think that the FDA should require syrup on everything -- including syrup.

Okay, now that I've headed off all angry comments with that disclaimer, let's get to the meat of the matter: would it be possible for an overweight woman to win American Idol?

When I say "overweight", please don't misunderstand me. I'm not talking about Hollywood's idea of overweight (which is "what a normal woman should weigh"), I'm talking about the I-eat-cheese-fries-for-breakfast overweight that always tend to show up during the audition round.

The question of whether a fat girl could win occurred to me when the decidedly plus sized Jennifer Hudson won her Golden Globe award earlier this week. I saw her in Dreamgirls and she was most definitely the stand out. How does a girl who can make Beyoncé seem like an afterthought not make it past the middle rounds of an American Idol competition? Could there be a subtle female-fattism at work?

I'm not sure what the voting demographics are for AI (my guess would be teenage girls, housewives, and me), but whoever the voters are, their choices seem to fall in line with some greater societal stereotypes: men get a pass on their looks, women don't.

Look at some of the notable late-round males:

Justin Guarini: Okay, maybe he was blandly attractive to teenage girls, but there was a palpable sideshow-Bob psychopath look to him.

Reuben Studdard: If you add up the number of albums he's sold, then multiply by five, you get his cholesterol level. (Thanks, I'll be here all night! Try the veal...)

Clay Aiken: He went from total dork during the audition rounds to total dork with gel in his hair by the season finale! (Now he's got the patented by Microsoft "total dork with a lot of money" look going on.)

Taylor Hicks: Chubbs Clooney.

None of these guys, were they to talk into a bar, would get the half-cough/half-grunt noise that my wife saves for guys that she thinks are super hot (writers note: I have never received this noise from her either. Do you hear that sound? That's the sound of a woman settling). I would guess that most of the women in America would respond to them would the same shrugging "I guess he's cute." I mean, they're not bad looking, but none of them are Ace, are they ladies? And yet, they all either won the competition or made it to the final two.

I don't think that women have had that same pass. If you look at the three female winners, you have one good looking girl, one great looking girl, and one girl that I'd gnaw my own thumb off for. (I'm a gentleman, so I'll leave who is who in that list to your imagination).

Fat girls just don't seem to make it very far, do they?

Each year during the audition rounds, Simon will say something mean regarding the chances of a very talented, but overweight girl. There will be some minor outrage ("We're the only group it's okay to discriminate against" a fat spokesperson will wheeze out while trying to get up a flight of stairs) and then America will promptly vote the overweight girl off. So, it begs the question, is Simon right? Is this country so looks-oriented that no amount of talent could overcome a plus-sized figure?

Let me know in the comments.

(A quick PS - my wife read this article before it was published and told me that I should make it absolutely clear that I'm not mocking fat people. After all, with all the empathy weight I've been putting on during her pregnancy, "You'd be mocking yourself!" she told me while laughing in a way that made me die a little inside. Even though I made some jokes -- that's what I do -- it should be clear that I'm not trying to make plus-sized people feel bad. Okay, off you go...)

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