I'm not sure if everyone uses the term "mancrush." Like schadenfreude with the Germans, the term has a particular meaning in my family that doesn't quite translate into normal person English. Essentially, it's a feeling that one man has for another that's a few steps beyond being a fan and a few steps short of being a creepy super-fan. You really like the person a lot and you would love it if the person was your friend, but ultimately a part of you actually wants to be that person (as you can see the line between admiration and "restraining order" is a fine one).Another way to define it is the way Jerry felt about his friendship with Keith Hernandez on Seinfeld.
My most enduring man-crush has been on Han Solo. Not Harrison Ford, mind you (as Howard Stern's impression of him as a humorless monosyllabic Frankenstein-type creature seems to be pretty dead on), but the character he played in Star Wars. Seeing as this is TV Squad, however, and not Cinematical, Han Solo is out of the running.
My top five heterosexual man-crushes (TV edition) after the jump...
1. Gregory House (House, MD) One of the things you'll realize if you look back on all my other posts is just how much I write about House. I can't help it. I love the guy. I'm grumpy and misanthropic myself, but since I'm not a genius doctor, I actually have to pretend to be nice to people. Whenever I'm stuck in a bookstore talking to one of my wife's male "friends" from college for nine hours or more, I wish I could just "House" my way out of the situation with a well placed inappropriate joke or two. I get giddy whenever there's a new episode - especially when House has a new minority to pick on (when I saw a little person -- see, House would have said "a midget" -- on the show last week, I actually applauded even though I was by myself. On a related note, I'm filled with self-hate.)
(Quick aside regarding House -- a few weeks ago, I was watching the 4 PM Fox Football game and Joe Buck had to do a promo for House. He read the promo and then, kind of wistfully said to Troy Aikman, "Ahhhh, the piercing blue eyes of Hugh Laurie!" Aikman didn't say anything, but it was awkward in the booth there for a few minutes. Did anyone else catch this or am I insane?)
2. Matt Albie (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) I'm a comedian who's trying to break into television writing. I like to write alone. I like witty dialog and feeling superior to religious people in middle America. This man is my god (which is ironic because he doesn't believe in God). I realize that a lot of you hate this show (I've read the comments after every single Studio 60 post), but at the very least you have to like what Mathew Perry's done with this character. Sorkin stand-in or no, I want this guy to exist to I can sit down with him and have him reject my sketch ideas. 
3. Ari Gold (Entourage) Sometimes when he says, "Let's hug it out, bitch," I pretend he's talking to me. 
4. Greg Giraldo (Comedy Central) Okay, we're really venturing into Travis Bickle territory on this one as Greg isn't a TV character, he's a real person. On top of that, I actually know Greg a little. He's a comic that shows up pretty regularly on Comedy Central, but he's based out of NY and I've had a chance to work with him on occasion. He is, for me, bar none, the funniest comic working. If there's a model for what I want to be as a comedian, it's him. I even wanted to get a leather bracer like the one he wears, but my wife threatened to divorce me (she should probably consider it anyway, reading back over this list). You would have seen him most recently on Comedy Central's Last Laugh '06, but check out his website and see for yourself.
5. Brandon Walsh (Beverly Hills 90210) This one goes into my mancrush hall of fame. Two shows hold sway with the class of 1994 - 90210 and The Wonder Years. Why? Because our ages matched the ages of the people in those shows exactly. (Well, their ages on the show matched ours exactly. Their actual ages were closer to their mid-forties. I've heard that Andrea was a grandmother by the time she left the show!) There are no mancrushes in The Wonder Years as the only choices were whiny, short, and annoying (Kevin) or whiny, tall, and vaguely odd-looking enough to be mistaken for Marilyn Manson later on in life (Paul). 90210 on the other hand had a bunch to pick from. Brandon always gets my nod over the easier picks like Dylan or Steve for two reasons: 1) he was a nice stable guy who didn't judge people for their faults (which is important for me because I have a lot of faults) and 2) he called everybody "bro".
Okay, I manned up to the table and destroyed any last shred of heterosexual credibility I may have had. You give me yours! (And ladies, I'm not leaving you out -- you give me your ladycrushes as well. Of course, when you do it, it's not creepy, it's more sexy. In fact, if you have any detailed description of what you'd like to do with your ladycrush, feel free to email them to me!)
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
12-29-2006 @ 11:39AM
Adam said...
Paul Rudd.
He so fine.
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12-29-2006 @ 1:29PM
Big Tuna said...
How is Jim Halpert not on this list?
I sort of thought he was everyone's crush.
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12-29-2006 @ 2:33PM
Annie Wu said...
I swear, Jay, I was going to do a Five on "heterosexual girlcrushes". That exact phrase. Alas, my list of ladies was too long and I had a tough time cutting it down to five (?!).
Nice choices, by the way.
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1-02-2007 @ 10:19AM
Dennis said...
Dexter, definitely.
Mostly because i too always feel alone and fake most of my emotions...
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1-02-2007 @ 10:30AM
jDub said...
Heterosexual girl crushes:
1) Veronica Mars
2) Amanda, Ugly Betty
3) Marin Frist, Men in Trees
4) PJ, My Boys
5) Hall of Fame: Angela Chase, My So-called Life
Reply
1-02-2007 @ 10:30AM
sanna said...
Haven't you spelled it wrong in the title?
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1-02-2007 @ 10:53AM
Jay Black said...
I can't believed I spelled it wrong! It's been fixed!
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1-02-2007 @ 11:10AM
Alicia said...
This is one of the best lists of all time. I love the way you tried to explain yourself.
Ladycrushes:
1) Constance Zimmer
2) Alyson Hannigan (In How I Met Your Mother not Buffy)
3) Pauley Perrette
4) Claudia Black
5) Alyssa Milano (But doesn't everyone has a crush on her, man or woman?)
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1-02-2007 @ 11:17AM
Andrew Liptak said...
No Hiro?
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1-02-2007 @ 11:17AM
SJ said...
I don't know if they qualify as "mancrushes", but I certainly admire these characters/people.
5) Admiral Adama (Battlestar Galactica):
Total badass, full of guts and loves his crew. And I just love the way he talks.
4) Tommy Gavin (Rescue Me)/Jimmy McNulty (The Wire):
I wanted to put just one Irish guy on the list, but both of these characters are excellent. Both are funny, (almost) always drunk and risk-takers.
3) Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm):
How can you not love this guy?
2) Stephen Colbert (The Colbert Report):
I am loving his show and I love both his character and the real Stephen. He recently did an interview at Harvard which was fun and hilarious.
1) Conan O' Brien:
I have been a Conan fan for a longtime, and he has only gotten funnier as the years have passed by. He's the 'celebrity' I would most like to meet.
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1-02-2007 @ 11:39AM
Violet Johnson said...
Here are my five woman crushes-
1. Jennifer Aniston-Rachel on Friends-(I ADMIRE THE HELL OUT OF THIS WOMAN!!!!! DIE HARD JOLIE SKANKA!).
2. Monica Geller- Cox Arquette
3. Phoebe Buffay- Kudrow
4.Lauren Graham- Gilmore Girls
5. Alexis Bledel- Rory- Gilmore Girls
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1-02-2007 @ 11:52AM
Icheb said...
Does Tom Brady count? :p
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1-02-2007 @ 11:55AM
Courtney said...
Ladycrushes:
Kristen Bell (gorgeous, great actress, veronica mars is the best show on television)
Rachel McAdams (i know this is supposed to be tv only, but she stole my heart in the notebook)
Rachel Bilson (great style, seems fairly down to earth)
Lauren Graham (cracks me up in her interviews)
Jennifer Aniston (back in the days of Friends moreso than now)
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1-02-2007 @ 12:05PM
Urgh said...
Hetero girl crushes -
Faith - Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bad girl, fun, she could kick anyone's ass, sexy, and great hair.
Another vote for Kristen Bell. Beautiful with great comedic timing.
Dr. Torres - Grey's Anatomy. I love that she's quite possibly the only character on that show that strikes me as comfortable in her own skin. She's blunt, honest, vunerable when needed, all in all she's just rad.
Lane - Gilmore Girls. I would want to spend a day chatting about and listening to music with her.
Kimber - Nip/Tuck. Pre-Scientology.
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1-02-2007 @ 12:31PM
Karen said...
Jay, even though I'm one of the people writing nasty comments about Studio 60, I agree with you on Matt Albie. Mostly because Matthew Perry rocks that part so hard.
But, on to the girl crushes:
1) the first, the last, the eternal: Diana Rigg as Mrs Emma Peel.
and the rest, in no particular order:
-- Kara Thrace on BSG
-- Kristen Bell on Veronica Mars
-- Elizabeth Montgomery as Serena, Samantha's bad-ass cousin on "Bewitched" (yeah, I'm old--what of it?)
-- Peggy Lipton on "The Mod Squad"--oh, hell, and again on "Twin Peaks"
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1-02-2007 @ 12:33PM
BronxGirl said...
In no particular order:
Eliza Dushku - 'nuff said
Jill Hennessey - I can't explain it. I'd have to admit how much I love Crossing Jordan and I will never do that.
Gina Torres - In anything really but Zoe on Firefly is the best woman warrior ever.
Tina Majorino - 'cause she's just so damn cool as Mac on VM and in everything else she does.
Billie Piper - because she's the companion to Doctor Who that I always wanted to be, only wusses scream dammit!
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1-02-2007 @ 1:19PM
Carissa said...
God, I don't know if I can scale down my list of girl-crushes (I've noticed on this list that gals are a little more free in their discussion of this topic!), but limiting to TV should help a bit. But, here goes.
1. Jill Munroe (Farrah Fawcett)/Bionic Woman (Lindsay Wagner) - I so wanted to be these woman when I was younger, and my fascination with them as people and in other productions has never waned. Definite Hall of Famers here (and they count as one, to help my long list prediciment).
2. Kirstie Alley - Like so many of these women, I am certain we would be best friends if she would be so kind as to give me a call.
3. Eliza Dushku - Damn, I wish she had snapped up Faith the Vampire Slayer when there was a chance. I loved Tru Calling, because she was in it, but it was short-lived and it's not fair that I don't get to see her every week.
4. Shannen Dougherty - especially Prue on Charmed. Loved loved loved the first three years of that show, because of her. And I love that she is constantly in trouble and making a mess of her life.
5. CJ on Baywatch (Pamela, who was just ahead of Yasmin Bleeth's character) - I think I might be the only chick in the world who loved this show. It reminded me of Charlie's Angels and all the other girl-love shows I grew up with. Ahhhh..if only the DVDs were complete, I'd buy those things so I could visit with my friends again.
Honorable mention - Kristin Bell - didn't make the list because I'm finding Veronica a bit too snarky this year, and she has pissed on Logan, which I find unforgivable. As much as I love Kristin, I'm having a hard time separating her from Veronica and my dying love for the character this year.
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1-02-2007 @ 1:24PM
corbett said...
Admiral Adama (Battlestar Galactica) - The guy is the toughest badass on tv. He's decisive. He's the real decider and regrets few decisions. Like when I was a kid and dreamt of what it would be like to be Captain Kirk and command the Enterprise, today I sit in awe of Adama (and what the amazing Edward James Olmos does in the role). I know I couldn't make the hard choices he does, but I wouldn't mind standing there as he makes them.
Peter Griffin (Family Guy) - I don't want to be the guy, but again - like Adama - I wouldn't mind swinging by the Griffin household and taking a seat on the couch next to the big fatty and watching hilarity ensue. (Do cartoon characters even count for this?)
Matt Albie (Studio 60) - You've hit it right on the head with this one, Jay. No reason to pile on more.
Jim Halpert (The Office) - If, for no other reason, than to play evil practical jokes (are they really jokes?) on Dwight and the new guy, the character's name escapes me, played by Ed Helms.
George Stephanopoulos (This Week with George Stephanopoulos) - Largely b/c he does such a great job interviewing. Would love his job (and money).
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1-02-2007 @ 4:57PM
erskelyne said...
David Boreanaz.
All my friends know about it, and are quite supportive.
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1-02-2007 @ 4:58PM
naotalbah said...
My girlcrushes:
1) 7 of 9, Voyager. I'll admit it.
2) Drusilla, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even more of a bad girl than Faith.
3) Jackie, That 70's show. Bitchy and self centered, and always got the hot guys.
4) Hot Lips, M*A*S*H. Strong and knows what she wants - even if it is Ferret-face.
5) Maddie Hayes, Moonlighting. The queen of snark.
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