TVSquad

A New Year's resolution is a funny thing. On the one hand, resolutions are a great way of beating back seasonal depression. They allow us to put our old ways behind us. Making a resolution is a way of acknowledging that there's hope for us yet - all is not lost. Then, the year begins. The resolution gets left by the wayside. What was once a hopeful promise you made to yourself becomes indicative of failure.

So, why make resolutions at all? Theoretically, because we keep hoping that we can become the best possible versions of ourselves. And, what exactly would be the best possible version of the Simpsons? Lucky for you, Fox has the answer. In an odd, brief press release promoting the January 7th return of the show, Fox listed the adult Springfieldians' 2007 resolutions. You can check them out after the jump. Perhaps, they'll inspire you to turn over a new leaf this holiday season.

Homer
I resolve to lose 10 pounds, and then gain it back by Valentine's Day.

Marge
I resolve to finally learn how to make pancakes that don't stick to the pan. Bart helped me come up with that one.

Krusty
In 2007, I promise not to keep using the same old jokes Ive been telling since 1961.

Chief Wiggum
In the coming year, I resolve to learn how to work the safety on my gun.

Comic Book Guy
In 2007, I resolve to boldly go where I have never gone before out on a date with a woman.

Barney
I resolve to quit drinking coffee. It leaves less room for beer.

Ned Flanders
I resolve to be pious and kind and gentle and - yippee, skippee - I already am! Happy 2007, everybody!

[via The Futon Critic]