TVSquad

Last night's episode of The Colbert Report, the heavily promoted "shred-off" between Stephen Colbert and The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk, was an amazing way to wrap up the show's 2006 run. It was a star-studded affair and, although I was a little disappointed in Colbert (read on and you'll see why), I quite enjoyed it. By the way, did anyone else expect the actual "shred-off" to be a few rounds of Guitar Hero?

To kick off with a little extra "rawk", Apples In Stereo's Robert Schneider (not to be confused with actor Rob Schneider) performed a hilarious/adorable song all about Colbert. "Steeephen! Steeephen! He's a dashing man, his name is Stephen!" I already have it on my iPod, folks.



The judges of the shred-off were music critic Anthony DeCurtis, NYU's Jim Anderson, and New York's governor-elect Eliot Spitzer (Spitzer owed Colbert a favor after Colbert helped him win... kind of). As if those weren't enough awkwardly overly-distinguished judges, Dr. Henry Kissinger made an appearance via satellite. That was... really crazy. I can't believe they got HENRY KISSINGER to come on some tiny cable show to say stuff like, "Stephen... It is time... to rock..." and "Stephen... Crank it up..." Only Colbert, man, only Colbert.

Anyway, as Kissinger said, it was time to rock, so Chris Funk rocked a crazy riff. Then, it was Colbert's turn. He ripped off his sleeves (fangirls, throw your panties at the screen now) and picked up a five-necked guitar. And then he totally copped out! I was so disappointed. I mean, I knew there was no way he was actually going to top Funk (despite Colbert's brilliant performance of "Charlene [I'm Right Behind You]"), but I still wanted to see him do something. Instead, he accidentally "cut" his fingers on the strings and prayed for a guitar hero to save the Colbert Nation. What better guitar hero than Peter Frampton and his magic talkbox? Peter effin' Frampton (fangirls, throw your back-up panties at the screen now)! Okay, I was still pretty disappointed, but Frampton's cool too.



Of course, Colbert (slash Frampton) was declared the winner and he giddily accepted his prize, a copy of The Decemberists' "The Crane Wife". To wrap things up, there was a huge all-star guitar jam with Schneider, Frampton, Funk, Rick Neilsen from Cheap Trick (!), Colbert on talkbox, and Kissinger on harmonica (no, I'm just kidding).



I'm all rocked out, folks. I foresee three weeks of recovery time, with a strict diet of Enya and Yanni.