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Who cares about Miss USA?

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MIss USAI've been amazed at the attention this whole Miss USA story is getting. It just proves once again how disgusting the gossip TV shows are, and how lame cable news is.

First off, the press conference that she held with Donald Trump (owner of the pageant) was broadcast live as BREAKING NEWS on the cable networks. At first I thought the Donald had used his hair to sled down Mt. Hood and rescue those guys, but that's another breaking news story. No, this news conference was to announce that...um, hot blonde chicks sometimes drink a lot and dance and party in New York City and do drugs. But she's sorry! And she thanks God for helping her! But mostly she thanks Donald Trump for letting her keep her crown. (Side note: can someone please tell me why Trump is always yelling? Whether it's this press conference or those PSAs for families he does on NBC, he's always yelling. He does know there's a microphone in front of him, right?)

The coverage has been insipid and inane. Did anyone even give a shit about the Miss USA Pageant before this? Seriously, the Miss USA Pageant? That's the one that's like Miss America, only it's...not. I mean, who cares? I know, you're going to say "Bob, you don't understand the flyover country! Pageants are a tradition!" Well, I think "flyover country" is a lot smarter than this. Does anyone even know the theme song to Miss USA? Do they even have one? "There she is, Miss USA, drunk on her ass..."

One of the more sickening aspects of this whole story is how they'll list her offenses: underage drinking, cocaine use, and kissing another girl. Um, are those the same thing? Personally, I think who she kisses is not some scandal. In the real world it's called "being a young woman who's had too much to drink."

So now Trump says she's going to rehab (the go-to place for not getting off booze and drugs but to rehab your reputation) and she's going to get a "second chance." Oh, and please watch the new season of The Apprentice, coming in January on NBC!

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