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Smallville: Subterranean

Clark goes digging in the dirt on Subterranean
(S06E09)
Is this Children of the Corn, or Smallville? Some kids are being forced to work on a farm, and if they try to escape something that looks like Sonic the Hedgehog chases them down and snuffs 'em down in the dirt. Talk about a motivation to keep on digging. They were smuggled across the border to work ... in Smallville? Since when is the Mexican border near Kent and company?

One of 'em manages to escape and finds his way to the Kent farm, of course. Clark no habla español, but luckily Javier speaks ingles perfecto, thanks to American television. Who said it wasn't educational? Javier hides out at the Kent farm from the newly introduced Deputy Morales (coincidental, eh) while Clark does the investigative thing in his blue shirt this time, the red one must be in the wash. Dios mio.

Aye carumba! Senator Mom Kent isn't too happy with Clark harboring an illegal alien. "I took an oath to uphold the law!" Get off your high horse, Martha. You forged Clark's adoption papers, dincha? Oooh, snap! No comeback for that one, right? Seriously, when does Martha ever work? Do most senators have that much downtime?

Jimmy wows Chloe with a can of Reddi-Whip for their end of date plans. Talk about kinky, and a little disturbing. Are you picturing Jimmy wearing a whipped cream bikini? I hope not, because it's an image that you don't really want in your head. While they do a little canoodling about feelings, Javier slips out and runs off, determined to find his mom. Way to watch the ball, Chloe. Dairy toppings can be fairly distracting.

Of course, it turns out that LuthorCorp bought the farm where these people have gone missing, and Clark brings it to Lex, faceoff style. He wants to know what Lana would think about Lex forcing migrant workers to labor in the fields, but she's conveniently winging her way to Amsterdam on Lex's corporate jet for some homegrown action (or an art show, take your pick). Lex confronts an underling, and of course, he has had something to do with the hubbub. Dirty, dirty Lex.

Hey! There's the red shirt, the laundry cycle must have finished early. Bodies are being unearthed all over the McNally farm thanks to Clark's tip. McNally gives Clark a "It would've been fine if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" moment and then sinks down into the earth. Literally. Meteor freaks are back, FTW!

So to make a long story short, they find Javier, find his mom, Clark apparently beats the crap out of Old Man McNally, and all is well in the world. Except one more person knows about Clark's secret. Seriously Clark, put it on a billboard in Metropolis already. Martha pulls her senatorial strings and starts working on getting Javier and his mom legal status. Having your superpowered son backtalk to you must work some magic.

Tying off the patriotic theme, Clark appears in his seldom seen white shirt at the Daily Planet, and Jimmy tries to bond with him. Clark waxes nostalgic with Chloe about being not being able to solve the world's problems. Back on the farm, it's another Lana/Clark showdown. Just tell her like it is already, and stop mincing words, farmboy! We see what looks like the farmer laid out in Lex's lab, and Lex says "Put him with the others" and walks out in slow-motion while some pumping AFI music plays out. The door closes revealing ... 33.1.

Seriously, what is it with this show this year? Has it hurdled the shark? Lana heading to Amsterdam? To see an art exhibit? Lex has sucked her in with money. Where's the Lana we grew to love and care for? Apparently she wants to be Melinda Gates and start using his fortune for good, starting with the migrant workers of course. Good gravy.

However, nothing has us more stoked than the teaser for next week's episode. It's the Justice League vs. the Legion of Doom! Check out the lineup striding towards the camera. You've got The Flash, Green Arrow, Clark, Aquaman, and Cyborg. Holy tingling fanboy senses! We're sure that the Martian Manhunter will end up in there somewhere if he's promised some Oreos. Bring the smackdown, Smallville.

Quote of the show:

  • Jimmy Olsen to Clark: "I'm your bro, not your foe."

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