TVSquad

Replacing the lyrics for "Lost

(...)

becomes

(____)

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To the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas:

42 Days on the Island (or The 42 Days of LOST-mas)

The 4th day on the island,
the LOST gods gave to me:
A monster up in the trees.

The 8th day on the island,
the LOST gods gave to me:
The Others list of names,
And a monster up in the trees.

The 15th day on the island,
the LOST gods gave to me:
Reels of Dharma footage,
The Others list of names,
And a monster up in the trees.

The 15th day on the island,
the LOST gods gave to me:
Shots of shirtless Sawyer,
Reels of Dharma footage,
The Others list of names,
And a monster up in the trees.

The 23rd day on the island,
the LOST gods gave to me: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!!!!!!
Shots of shirtless Sawyer,
Reels of Dharma footage,
The Others list of names,
And a monster up in the trees.

The 42nd day on the island,
the LOST gods gave to me:
Lots of pointless mysteries.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!!!!!!
Shots of shirtless Sawyer,
Reels of Dharma footage,
The Others list of names,
And a monster up in the trees.

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"Meet the Flintstones (Theme From The Flintstones)" becomes "The How I Met Your Mother Theme Song"

How I
Met Your Mother
Is the show that you've turned on right now
Although
Ted is charming
We know Barney's who it's all about

Suit up!
That is Barney's battle cry
Doogie?
He is nothing like that guy!

How I
Met Your Mother
It's the show you have tuned into
Willow's on it, too

So now let's watch the show!

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To O Little Town of Bethlehem:

O little town of Baltimore
How much do we love The Wire?

It started with Avon and String movin package
To have all that they desire

But McNulty, Freeman and The Major Crimes Unit
Found a way to cramp their style

So Bodey, Avon and D'Angelo Barksdale
Went away for a little while

I could go on and on how great
This show has been for four years

But I prefer my Season One
When McNulty was drinking beers.

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To 'Christmas is Coming'

The Smoke Monster is coming,
Hurley’s getting fat,
Desmond loves Penny
Who has friends in the cold artic.

If you haven't got a clue,
On what LOST will do,
If you haven't got a clue,
Then Eko bless you.

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It's the Most Heroic Show of the Year.
(sung to It's the most Wonderful Time of the Year)

It's the most Heroic show of the year.
With cheerleaders near dying,
And Petrellis flying,
Watch out! Sylar is near!
It's the most Heroic show of the year.

Matt has minds that need reading,
and DL is needing to
keep Micah safe on the go.
Hiro tells time travel stories and
tales of the glories of Heroes
long, long ago.

It's the most Heroic show of the year.
Isaac has futures for painting
while Niki's complaining
that Jessica's near.
It's the most Heroic show of the year.

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I replaced the lyrics to "Deck the Halls."

It's now "Deck the halls 24 Style"

Deck the halls with shiny, shiny guns,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat,
Watch the terrorists, watch them run,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat.

Now Jack dons his hunky man purse,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat,
To the terrorists, it’s a curse,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat.

See the world, it now needs saving,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat,
Season 6 is sure to be amazing,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat.

Chloe sits at her desk and scowls,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat,
While Jack soaks up baddies blood with towels,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat.

The body count is sure to rise,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat,
Kim Bauer will hopefully die,
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-ta-tat-tat-tat.

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To Jingle Bell Rock: Kristen Bell Rocks! (spoiler alert!!!)

Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell rocks
She knows how to sing and kiss Jason Dohring
Veronica Mars is just bushels of fun
Now that the new mystery has begun
Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell, Kristen Bell rocks
We watch her solve crimes after Gilmore Girls time
She just caught that evil raping pair
Who shaved their victim’s hair.
Veronica Mars time, is 80’s stars time
They made Steve Guttenberg gay
He molested Cassidy which was dastardly
And Harry Hamlin killed Lily K.
Come on now watch the show, sit down in that seat
To see why Ed Begley Jr. got shot
And will LoVe get back up on their feet?
You’ll see Kristen Bell
You’ll see Kristen Bell,
You’ll see Kristen Bell rock!

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LOST (Jingle Bells)

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
'Skate' makes love in a small cagey,
All I can think of while watching this flick, I wonder if they conceived a baby, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
Jack is there to save the day,
One day he flips, and cuts Benry's kid(ney), and holds him hostage while enraged, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
Charlie found statues in a plane,
Charlie gets high, Locke punches him in the eye, and Claire finally realizes he's insane, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
Eko and Libby have died,
No viewers cared, for poor little Ana, and I'm sure there were none that cried, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
Jin and Sun are married,
Jin is controlling, and Sun is a liar, Hmm, I wonder if she will miscarry, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
Michael and Walt are sailing,
They are going in circles, and probably don't know it, but I'm sure Walt's arms are flailing, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
Desmond can see the future,
Sayid is mad, Sayid is angry, probably because he has no one to torture, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
The show is really working my nerves,
When it comes back and no questions are answered, I’ll be sure and give the Producers my words, HEY!

Lost on an island,
Lost on an island,
We can't forget about Hurley,
Before those numbers really drive him nuts, lets hope he can deliver more comedy, HEY!

(Forgive me; I haven't had my Starbucks, yet :-)

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Ooops! My title for my above post is "Lost On An Island" to the tune of 'Jingle Bells'

Happy Holidays everyone!

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The Little Drummer Boy becomes Those Darn Nip/Tuck Boys

Come meet Christian Troy
And look at his bum
Sean fathered lobster boy
His future is glum

The Carver was revealed
And it was quite dumb
Kimber is now all healed
Under Scientology’s thumb

Matt got her knocked up
She’s be a porn Mum
We’ll look at her bum
All of their bums
Even Slater’s Bum
Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum

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Santa Claus is Coming to Town --> The Cylons are coming to Town

You better jump out
You better not fly
Better not scout
Get the vipers out of the sky
The Cylons are coming to town

Galactica’s making a list,
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out who's been cloned once or twice.
The Cylon’s are coming to town

Baltar’s with Six when he’s sleeping
She’s in his head when he’s awake
As long as he is getting his nookie
Who cares if the Human Race is at stake?

Frak! You better jump out!
You better not fly.
Better not scout, get the vipers out of the sky.
The Cylons are coming to town.
The Cylons are coming to town.

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Dr. Cox is coming to work (to the tune of "Santa claus is coming to town - Scrubs related)

Oh you better not suck
you better not whine
you're just a stupid newb
and he's telling you why

Dr. Cox is coming to work.

He sees you when you're slacking
He knows when you've screwed up.
He knows if your a guy or girl
but he's gonna get it all messed up.

oh you better not suck
you better not whine
you're just a stupid newb
and he's telling you why

Dr. Cox is coming to town.

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Away in a Battlestar --> Away in a Manger


Away in a Battlestar,
No planet for their own
The crew of the Galactica
Are searching for a home

The stars in the bright sky
Are flown past day after day
The last human fleet
Seeks a place to stay

The people were worried
If the hardship of fleeing matched the worth
Then Admiral Adama spoke
Now they look for the 13th Colony on Earth

We love you Starbuck
Flying your Viper in the sky
We love you no matter what happens with Apollo,
And we loved when you slugged Col Tigh.

Madam President, you’re amazing,
A teacher back in the day
We hope you stay in office forever
Just give the Admiral some play!

Bless all the last humans
Keep them flying no matter what
Let them keeping on going
Kicking some serious Cylon butt!

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This is "You’re a Mean One, Al Swearengen" -- a character on Deadwood -- to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch".

There is some language in the song, but that's trying to keep with the Deadwood feel.

---

You're a mean one, Al Swearengen
You really are an eel.
You run the Gem saloon,
With boots tipped at the end with steel.
Swearengen.

You're a pimp, Al Swearengen.
Trixie’s the only whore you can’t hold back.
You’re a crooked bar owner,
With hair, a greasy black.
Swearengen.

Almost no one can touch you, not even
In a 36-episode, 2-TV Movie story arc.

Dan’s your sidekick, Swearengen.
He ain’t the brightest bulb.
He and your other cronies
are as smart as a corn’s cob.
Swearengen.

Given the choice between you and Cy Tolliver
I'd take the Bella Union.

You're a bastard, Swearengen.
In a can, you always pee.
Ian McShane plays you
and he scares the hell outta me
Swearengen.

The three syllables that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "C*ck. Suck. Er."

How do you do it, Swearengen?
From Doc’s removal of the kidney stone.
The rat E.B. Farnum’s greed,
and Tolliver gaining more control,
Swearengen.

I’m surprised you haven’t collapsed
Due to all the stress you’ve had to endure
And also by how badly Jewel sweeps the Gem’s floor

You intrigue me, Al Swearengen.
You’re conniving with a capital “I”.
You're a crooked motherf*cker
But underneath, there’s some good inside.
Swearengen.

You’re an enigma wrapped in a riddle
Portrayed by a brilliant actor
On a great HBO Show!

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This should be pretty obvious....

What child is this, who, laid to rest
In incubator, is sleeping?
Whom Roslin greets with plots discreet,
While hospital gear is beeping?

This, this is the Cylon child,
Who's threatening and oft reviled:
Haste, haste to switch her now,
Hera, the child of Sharon!

So bring her to the single mother
Who'll care for her until time is gone,
D'Anna brings, mixed blessings,
When she finds the baby Cylon.

Raise, raise the song on high,
The Cylon sings her lullaby:
Joy, joy, the baby lives!
Hera, the child of Sharon!

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Ode to the Subscription Networks (to the tune of that old Hanukah favorite, "Rock of Ages)

Cable networks, let our fees
buy more great programming!
You, amidst crap network shows,
kept the good stuff airing.
Rome, Deadwood, Sopranos*,
the greatest of HBO's
And Showtime leads
With Dexter and Weeds
When the Big Three failed us.
When the Big Three failed us.



*Just no way to get Big Love into the meter scheme, but shout out to my Polygamist homies anyway.**
**As a Jew, I should be shot for using the word "homies."

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18. The Feats of Strength (to the tune of "Sleigh Ride.")

Let’s hear that grievance airing
the cursing, swearing, it’s true
It’s time for another Festivus
I’m gonna wrestle with you.

It’s time for feats of strength
and I haven’t won in the past.
But it could be a festivus miracle
and I could kick your ass.

Gather round, take a look, place your bets, let’s go!
Just look at the show!
I’m gonna wrestle grandpa now for sure.
No remorse, no surrender, they have forced my hand!
With my feats of strength
I’m riding up high
in a Festivus fairyland.

My face is bruised and battered
my arm is shattered indeed.
but I’ve won the feats of strength
and I’ve managed not to bleed.

Let’s gather around that festivus
pole and celebrate right
and next year little Johnny
can try to beat me (yeah right!)

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A song about Heroes to the tune of "Sleigh Ride"
If you're lost on how it would be sung this was my template: http://41051.com/xmaslyrics/sleighride.html

See Hiro he’s time traveling
Bends continuums, too
He travels from the future
With a sword and a message or two

Peter thought he was flying
But Nate’s denying he flew
He has no time to linger
So he sees what Mohinder’s up to

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up
Heroes
Your powers will grow
You gotta save the cheerleader you know

Gotta get, gotta get, gotta get that girl
Start saving the world
If Mister Bennet gets you then
All your minds will become swirled

Look out for Jess and Niki
The dual person from Hell
One’s trying to save Micah but the
Other one’s sniping D.L.

Next there is Matt Parkman a
Cop with a problem or two
First he starts hearing voices
Then saves a girl and his marriage, too

There’s a conspiracy at the home of Claire Bennet
Her Dad really wants to try and protect her secret
She tries killing herself ending up without a single scratch
Drives into a wall while Brody yells, “Crazy bitch!”
Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

There’s the villain Sylar no one in the world can stop
Unless Pete saves Claire by about the stroke of
8 o’clock
He’ll prob’ly end up like the picture that Isaac Mendez made
These wondrous people are the heroes
By which we would all want to be saved

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Sung to the tune of "I have a little dreidel"

I have a little secret
It's one I want to share
and now I'm gonna tell you
It's a weight I cannot bear

Oh, TV, TV, TV
I love you oh so much
Lost, Heroes, Ugly Betty
Smallville and Survivor I do watch

Now you have my little secret
but I want to share one more
I do not own a TiVo
But it's what I'm asking for

Oh, TiVo, TiVo, TiVo
I want you oh so bad
To record all my favorites
Watching commercials makes me mad

If I had that TiVo
I'd re-watch so many things
Like Kate and Sawyer making love
And all the wonders that LOST brings

Oh, TV, TiVo, TV
You two go hand in hand
That's all I want for Hanukkah
Besides visiting Hawaiian sands

TV has been so good this year
Although, Heroes is the best
My favorite character is Hiro
But I love watching all the rest

Oh, TV, TV, TV
Such joy the shows bring me
And under my menorah
It better be a TiVo that I see

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