TVSquad

So I was sitting in my recliner a moment ago, flipping through the channels, smoking my Meerschaum pipe and playing cribbage with the men from my hunting club when a commercial came on for Richard Linklater's new movie Fast Food Nation, based on the excellent book by journalist Eric Schlosser. At the end of the commercial, the tagline for the movie flashed across the screen: "Do You Want Lies With That?"

"Holy God!" I yelled, leaping to my feet and knocking over my musket.

"What is wrong, ol' chap?" asked Sir Devonbottomshire, momentarily looking up from his worn copy of How To Give Yourself A Fake British Name.

"That tagline," I bellowed, "I've heard it before!"

"Surely you're confused, you sexy huntsman," said Lord Monocle.

"This has nothing to do with confusion or my awesome sexual prowess, Monocle!"

"Well, then, tell us where you've heard this line before," demanded Ollie the Biscuit Butterer, "I sure would like to hear it! More butter for your biscuits, then?"

"Shut up, Ollie. Let me tell you all of you where I've heard that line before. It was back in 2003, on an episode of The Simpsons titled 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky.' A muckraking documentary filmmaker named Declan Desmond, played by Eric Idle, made a film about Krusty Burger also titled 'Do You Want Lies With That?'"

"Dear sweet lord," said Devonbottomshire, sinking back in his chair, "I can't believe how much I don't care about that."

"Well, I thought it was interesting. I'm sure other Simpsons fans saw it and thought the same."

"I doubt that," said Devonbottomshire, glancing smugly at his pocket watch.

"You're dead, Devonbottomshire!" I screamed as I began to load my musket.

"Oh, Dickens crumpets!" he screamed, trying to get up from his chair, but unable to because of all the heavily-buttered biscuits he had consumed.

Ten minutes later I shot him in the chest. Dying in Ollie's arms, he said, "remember me as I was: a caricature of a British person created by someone with no real knowledge of the British people or their history."

Then the rest of us watched MASH.