The Daily Show: September 28, 2006

"Show Intel": During a recent press conference, Bush said that if you think that going to Iraq was a mistake, you're naive. Not "I do believe we'll be greeted as liberators"-naive, but naive nonetheless. He then proceeded to repeatedly shout "fuck y'all" and urinated on the first two rows of reporters. Okay, that didn't happen. It wasn't even a joke on The Daily Show. I just have a tendency to imagine that every time Bush gets all snippy at the press. And yes, I imagine it a lot. Sometimes, imaginary-Bush even throws in a few jokes about "the splash zone". Aaanyway...

"Senate Spotlight": Allen vs. Webb. It's a tough call, folks. Here's the break-down... Allen is blurring the lines between racism and dickism, especially since his recent "macaca" incident. And according to a recent report, there's a possibility that Allen's actually part Jewish (Jon: "One of us. One of us. One of us"). Allen shrugged this off and said, no joke, "I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great porkchops." Wow, man. I liked Jon's jab at Allen for saying that his affection for the Confederate flag during his younger years was an act of rebellion: "You wanna live on the edge, dude? Wave it in Harlem." As for Webb, the guy doesn't have ladies on his side (women-hating isn't as exciting as all that macaca business). This is going to be a greeeat election.

"Rubbing Out Crime": Holy fuck, this was a funny Jason Jones report (a mighty rare occurrence). Apparently, there's a rather rude reporter by the name of Carl Monday from the Cleveland area. He did a "hard-hitting" report about people wanking off, so Jones, after deciding Monday is his new hero, followed in his footsteps and started his new investigation... "YOU JACKIN' IT?!", complete with squishy, lotion-y noises. Haha, Monday even blogged about the incident. Y'know, it was highly immature, but I've got to give props to Jones for this report. Oh, and I think I have a new way of making uncomfortable silences even more awkward... The next time I'm with a group of people at a table and no one says anything for a long time, I'm going to point at the first person I see with their hands under the table and shout, "YOU JACKIN' IT?!" in the angriest possible voice. Oh, man. I'm gonna make so many friends when I go to the library tomorrow.

The night's guest was former New Jersey governor, James McGreevey, on the show to promote his new book, The Confession (thank you, sir, for keeping the title short and sweet). Of course, the interview was mostly about McGreevey's infamous coming-out back in 2004. That man was such a fantastic sport about it all. "Why does the gay guy follow the masturbation joke?" and "My first 'poll', when I was about 14..." were both great moments. "Seat of Heat": Who will come out of the closet first... Hillary Clinton or Condi Rice? Heh, McGreevey managed to skirt around the question and Jon took pity upon him, quickly switching to a Ginger or Mary-Ann question. "I think both of them were confused," McGreevey said. Man, oh man. This little feature just isn't working. I'm sure it looked pretty on paper, but, despite its name, it's not that hot.

Jon/Stephen: Stephen Colbert just couldn't get used to saying The Gay-ly Show. Moment of Zen: Bush wants some dinner, bitch.