TVSquad

(S02E14) The city of Jefferton has a problem: dangerous levels of starch are plaguing the residents, and Tom Peters is very concerned for his family. He's even purchased an Eez-Zee Stool Strips tester so he can make sure his stepsons don't have too much starch in their system. The machine, as demonstrated in an infomercial, is easy to use. In fact, you can test your stool on a bus in less than ten minutes. All you have to do is lick the tester, stir it around in your stool, enter the number that comes up into the machine, and then hold your thumbs on the special identicators for two minutes (it helps if you have some stool on your thumbs).

It turns out Tom's stepsons do have high levels of starch in their system, which he suspects to be the fault of the food they're eating at school. The Mayor suggests he and Tom go undercover, Tom as a student, and himself as the vice-principal. To fit in with the young crowd, Tom has a special surgery in which his knees and shinbones are removed and his feet are reattached to the bottom of his thighs. Also, his vocal chords are removed and stretched on a tiny rack in order to change his voice. The result is a dwarfish version of Tom with a voice that sounds like he's been inhaling helium.

Tom befriends one of the bad kids in the school, a bully played by Arrested Development's Michael Cera. The bully beats up on Tom's stepson, and Tom has no choice to beat him, too, lest his true identity be revealed. Meanwhile, the Mayor, whose grip on a reality is tenuous at best, forgets that Tom is in disguise and begins to treat him like a regular student, even spanking him when he misbehaves. When Tom reveals that the school lunches do in fact have too much starch, the Mayor orders every school in Jefferton to close down permanently. Also, Tom has surgery to bring him back to his normal height, but his new wooden legs snap off.