TVSquad

I only watch Montel when psychic Sylvia Browne is on, because I like to study her and hopefully improve my own psychic abilities. So far I can bend spoons with my mind and talk to animals, though bending the spoon with my mind means I just press a spoon against my forehead until it bends, and while I can speak to animals, I can't actually understand what the animals themselves are saying. I've been trying to combine both of my psychic abilities into one by headbutting a cocker spaniel across the room, but so far no one is that impressed.

I haven't caught ol' Sylvia in awhile, but I did find a couple clips on YouTube that help to prove one very important rule for psychics: never, under any circumstances, admit you're wrong. In the first clip, which I placed after the jump, Sylvia tries to convince a grieving couple that their deceased daughter, who passed away five years ago at the age of seventeen, was shot in the chest. Actually, the girl just collapsed in her room and the autopsy revealed nothing. Undeterred, Sylvia changes "shot in the chest" to "something hit her in the chest," which, when you think about it, is really the same thing. Just the other day somebody punched me in the chest and then later somebody shot me at pointblank range with a .44 and I couldn't tell the difference at all.

In the second clip, a woman asks about her boyfriend who died and was never found. Sylvia tells the woman he's in water, which confuses the woman since he was a fireman and died in the 9/11 attacks. Sylvia still insists he's in water, however, and the woman doesn't argue with her. I would have liked to see the conversation continue:

Woman: How could he be in water? He died when the buildings collapsed.

Sylvia: Perhaps New York City was underwater that day.

Woman: On 9/11?

Sylvia: The city has probably always been underwater, but no one knows because we're actually fish in human clothes. And fish only have a three minute memory span, so we keep forgetting we're underwater.

Woman: Then how could I remember my boyfriend's death?

Sylvia: Because when fish die they give their loved ones the power of increased memory. That's why you can never catch more than a few fish in one pond, and why dolphins always remember how to do tricks.

Woman: Dolphins are mammals.

Sylvia: Everything is a fish, dear. You have to accept that.