TVSquad

(S03E09) This episode is always the one I remember as either -- using Friends nomenclature -- "the one with all the flashbacks" or "the one with all the cut-ins." It's a format that Seinfeld used rarely before or after this episode, but this episode seems to be rife with it. When George mentions how big his girlfriend Audrey's nose is, we cut to a close-up of Audrey's face, then we cut back. We see Jerry introduce himself to the beautiful Isabel as he's talking about it with George. Then, when he later explains to George how he tried to get Kramer to keep him from calling her again, we flash back to that, too. Add to that Jerry's imaginary "brain vs. penis" chess match, and this is one of the more conceptual episodes Jerry and Larry ever made.

I like how the writers didn't just make Audrey's nose big; they made it HUGE. Doesn't matter; Susan Diol, who played Audrey, looked pretty to me, even with that gigantic prosthetic nose she was wearing. But this is one of the first big examples of where George convinces someone to do something life-altering, just to satisfy his wishes. He even acknowledges it, saying to Jerry the morning of Audrey's surgery that he's going straigh to hell. He still had some guilt at this point, I guess.

This is a very Kramer-centric episode, from the first appearance of Peter Von Nostrand, to the caper he goes on with Elaine to get his favorite jacket back, to the ultra blunt way he mentions the unmentionable to Audrey: "Well, you're as pretty as any of them, you just need a nose job." Ah, leave it to Cosmo to tell someone the unvarnished truth and not realize how offensive that is. But he won in the end; after Audrey's surgery gets botched, he helped her out when George was nothing but repulsed. So, not only did Kramer get his jacket back, but he got the girl, too. Bastard.

Oh, and when I see Tawny Kitaen play the annoying but extremely hot Isabel in this episode, I immediately flash on two pictures of her: the 1987 Tawny crawling on a car hood in a Whitesnake video, and the 2002 Tawny posing for a mug shot after being arrested for hitting her then-husband, pitcher Chuck FInley.

Anyway, on to the "awards":

Best line: When Jerry tells George about the uninhibited sex he's having with Isabella, George replies, "It's like going to the bathroom in front of a lot of people and not caring." To which Jerry retorts, "It's not like that at all."
Best facial expression: The fisheye closeup of Audrey with her huge nose.
Best Kramerism: After returning the scraps of Isabel's number to a begging Jerry, Kramer slams Jerry's door, then slams his door. Then, his door slams, he opens Jerry's door, takes the cereal box and bowl he was using, and then slams Jerry's door closed again.

Observations and notes from the DVD:

• The story is based on a jewlery salesman writer Peter Mehlman knew in New York; he'd bluntly tell anyone who walked into his store exactly what they'd need to change about themselves.
• The scene where Kramer (as Van Nostrand) and Elaine are outside Albert Pepper's apartment, waiting for the manager to let them in, had to be shot numerous times, as Julia Louis-Dreyfus kept laughing at Michael Richards as he stuffed a pipe full of tobacco. Richards actually got a little pissed at this, as he felt that Julia was wrecking a couple of the better takes.
• Audrey was staying with Elaine while Elaine's rommate Tina was away. That tidbit used to be in an extended version of the opening scene, but the writers realized they could just loop in that piece of information later and cut that part of the scene completely.
• The details of how the "penis vs. brain" chess match was shot are too detailed to list here. But it wasn't easy. I always loved this scene, especially the flesh-colored helmet Jerry wore to represent, well, you know...
• Other women who tried out for the part of Isabel were Heather Paige Kent and -- wait for it -- Pamela Anderson.
• Believe it or not, Isabel is Jerry's first girlfriend since he broke up with Elaine, supposedly between seasons two and three (they never addressed that breakup, remember). Given how both Jerry and George went through a girlfriend a week in the later seasons, this seems out of character at this point.
• Oh, and George felt Aurdrey would be "out of his league" if she didn't have the nose. Again, that's ironic; later on, George would have girlfriends that rivaled even the small-nosed Audrey looks-wise.