And I Quote: the best one-liners of the week
Posted Jul 14th 2006 2:26PM by Bob Sassone
Filed under: Talent, Programming, Celebrities, And I Quote
Here's this week's collection of quotes from new episodes we've been watching this week:
- "He's like Dakota Fanning, with a dick." Ari, to Penny Marshall, about a kid actor he's trying to get Marshall to cast in a movie so he'll be away from his daughter, on Entourage.
- "When I say 'f**k yourself' sheriff, will you put that down to drunkenness or a high estimate of your athleticism?" - Hearst, to Bullock, on Deadwood.
- "Please please please please please please please please move your arses!!" - Chef Gordon Ramsay, to the contestants, on Hell's Kitchen.
- "I don't give a f**k what color is it!" - Chef Ramsay, after he asks about a hair found in a dish sent out to a customer, on Hell's Kitchen.
- "Apparently, E went into more than MC squared." - David Letterman, about Albert Einstein having two wives and two mistresses.
- "Why, Thor the god of thunder is trying to enter my building!" - Adam, reacting to Jamie's loud magnet climb inside an air vent, on MythBusters.
- "There's racist barbecue and non-racist barbecue. The racist barbecue...you can taste the racism. It's a little tangier." - Stephen Colbert, on the differences between North Carolina barbecue and South Carolina barbecue, on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
- "I bet you I can bite my own eye." - Richard Chamberlain as James Whittaker Wright III, before popping out his glass eye, on Hustle.
- On The Daily Show, a clip of Senator Ted Stevens: "I, just the other day, got an Internet that was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?"
Jon Stewart: "Why didn't he get it until yesterday? Maybe it's because he doesn't know jack shit about computers or the Internet."
- "I was at the library. A lot of good books at the library." - Mike Caffee explaining his seven-year absence to the guy who's been holding his stash of guns and cash for him, on Brotherhood.
- "What? Are you gonna sunglasses me to death?" - Down-and-out vampire Sands, in the face of an intense stare-down from vampire-killer Blade, on Blade: The Series.
- "I was thinking of taking a shit on the floor or maybe, uh, just puke on the couch... decisions, decisions." - Lou, trying to phase Tommy after he got no reaction by mentioning that Tommy's dad wet the bed again, on Rescue Me.
- "He has the distinction of being the only comic visible from space." - Chris Porter roasting the very large Gabriel Iglesias on Last Comic Standing.
- "We are all going to hell." - Dep. Chief Brenda Johnson, as she leads the priority homicide team in a cover-up of two detectives' connections to a crime on The Closer.
Tags: conan o'brien, deadwood, entourage, gordon ramsay, hell's kitchen, mythbusters, tv quotes
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-14-2006 @ 2:50PM
Brett said...
"No. That doesnt unbang your mom. You gotta do something worse" -Charlie to Dennis after Mac has sex with Dennis' mom on It's Always Sunny...
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7-14-2006 @ 3:21PM
A different Brett said...
It was Chris Porter roasting Iglesias, not Chris Tucker.
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7-14-2006 @ 6:53PM
Joel Keller said...
That was my fault... I submitted the quote while I was doing the Last Comic Standing recap, and I had a feeling I had put down "Tucker" at some point. When I looked at my recap and noticed I had "Porter" there, I thought I was in the clear. Guess not. I went ahead and fixed it.
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7-14-2006 @ 9:48PM
kevcowiffle said...
Letterman said that Einstein had 10 mistresses, not 2. He also reused that exact joke on 2 consecutive shows, it was a little odd.
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