If you had plans to screw Paris Hilton, you'll have to put those on the back burner for the time being because the hotel heiress apparently plans to give up the horizontal hokey pokey for one year. I commend Paris on her decision, for I too have obstained from sex in the past, just never by choice. She claims she wants to "rediscover" herself and that one-night stands aren't really her thing. She further states, "Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter." Well, yeah, or they just move to another part of the "restaurant" where it actually is being served to them on a platter. Perhaps this is the first step to a new Paris? Is our party girl finally going to settle down? I hope she decides in the next three minutes because that's about how much longer I'm going to care.
[via Dave Barry]
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-12-2006 @ 3:30PM
elf said...
Well, looks like it's time to sell my stock in the antibiotics industry.
(Yes, it's kind of a rehash of a line I used in the Jillian Barberie story yesterday, but it still works.)
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7-12-2006 @ 3:30PM
Judy Vendeg said...
Applause, Applause!! Keep the put downs coming. Paris is what my dad used to call a pig-broad. She contributes nothing. Sluuuuuut. Lets hear some dirt on the other slut, poor Britney Spears!! Jude.
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7-12-2006 @ 4:08PM
Brent McKee said...
And in other Parisian news (I swear this is true) Poker player Clonie Gowan has challenged Paris Hilton to play heads up against her for $100,000. The loser's money would go to the winner's favourite charity. For the record, Clonie Gowan makes Paris Hilton look like her chihuahua.
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7-12-2006 @ 4:34PM
BobMac said...
Freakin' hilarious post.
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7-12-2006 @ 4:35PM
Jon said...
People don't change that easily. Doubt she will actually hold her promise even if she would say she held it.
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7-12-2006 @ 4:37PM
elf said...
Brent, physical tastes and what constitutes beauty and attractiveness varies from person to person. From a solely physical perspective I'd take Hilton over Gowen any time. (I happen to find the sleepy-eye thing kind of cute.) The problem is that every so often Hilton opens her mouth and speaks, which ruins everything for me.
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7-12-2006 @ 4:48PM
Porchland said...
In other news, Starr Jones ALSO announced....
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7-12-2006 @ 5:26PM
Katie S said...
It's ABstain, not OBstain. Obstain isn't actually a word
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7-12-2006 @ 5:55PM
Akbar Fazil said...
I am waiting for the media to abstain from posting any news about this wretched piece of humanity
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7-13-2006 @ 1:22AM
steve said...
i give her a few days ..
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7-13-2006 @ 9:27AM
Scott H said...
That's 3 minutes longer than me.
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