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And I Quote: the best one-liners of the week

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  • David Letterman"I'm not trying to be sexist, but women do laundry better than men!" - Tom, about losing the challenge and having to wash the team clothing, on Hell's Kitchen.
  • "A child born in Africa today has a 1 in 3 chance of being adopted by Angelina Jolie." - David Letterman, reading a list of facts.
  • "Everybody lies on their resume, OK? I wasn't one of the Zoom kids either." Joey, about why he lied about having a dance background, on Friends.
  • "You think that's a comeback, what about Patrick Dempsey?" - Dave Foley, after Phil Hellmuth mentioned a player at the World Series of Poker who came back to win after having only one chip left, on Celebrity Poker Showdown.
  • "What exactly did she need the pianist for?" - Jon Stewart, after showing a clip of Connie Chung on top of the piano, which the pianist wasn't playing, on The Daily Show.
  • "Ask about our rips in the space-time continuum and our jacuzzi suites." - voiceover on The Soup, about the movie The Lake House
  • "Reuben says he knew someone was using his credit card when his statement showed he had bought something called 'a salad?' - David Spade, on Reuben Studderd winning a lawsuit against someone who used his credit card, on The Showbiz Show.

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