TVSquad

Jon Stewart began by joking that the night's guest, Anderson Cooper, came from a very famous family... His father is Gary Cooper. Not many of the audience members laughed. I think that might have been due to the fact that most people are unaware that Anderson is actually a Vanderbilt (his mother is the famed heiress Gloria Vanderbilt). It's another thing I love about Anderson: He doesn't flaunt his family name.

Apparently, the Senate voted not to raise the minimum wage, which, for the past nine years, has been $5.15. Jon's glad they didn't raise it because "the lower strata of American society has had a free ride for too long." Raising the minimum wage to the proposed $7.25 would have been a bad move because those damn poor people, working 40 hours and raking in $200-some a week, need to appreciate what they have. The extra two dollars would have just gone "up their noses and out their hoses", anyway.

"Player Haters": Congress recently started attacking video games again, complaining that the "M for Mature" rating is too vague. Jon proposed a new system: "D for Dropout", "W for Wastoid", and max out at "CMB for Child in a Man's Body". It should be noted that Jon's a bit of a video game nerd. Anyway, the hearing included a multimedia presentation of "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" and several old guys claiming that they're gamers (seems like playing a few rounds of "Pong" back in the 80s counts as gaming). Several representatives even explained to us simpletons that children playing violent video games in the suburbs are less likely to turn to a life of violence than children playing violent video games in bad neighborhoods with drug dealers, carjackers, etc. Jon pulled an Elvis and added, "He buys a gun, steals a car... Tries to run, but he don't get far... In the ghettoooo."

Senior PlayStationologist Samantha Bee reported from San Andreas, gunshots and explosions in the background. She claimed that kids can learn a lot from a place like San Andreas. She then proceeded to bitch out some motherfuckin' people on her motherfuckin' car.

Recently, a Gustav Klimt painting (portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer) sold for a record $135 million. Jon spent a good portion making fun of the art world, claiming that he just started a new painting of his own, called "Jackass with Way Too Much Disposable Income". Please, rich people, pay no mind to Mr. Stewart. Continue spending obscene amounts of money on paintings. And I'm not just saying this because I'm going to art school. Okay, maybe I am. C'mon, tuition's a bitch.

The night's guest, Anderson Cooper, host of Anderson Cooper 360 and author of Dispatches from the Edge : A Memoir of War, Disasters, and Survival, came out to wonderful applause. Anderson handed Jon a picture of Angelina Jolie, signed, "Jon -- I'd rather talk to you anyday! A.J." (Anderson scrawled it out, heh). Then, Jon cracked a few jokes about writing books, saying that whereas Anderson writes his own material, Jon has little Malaysian children working for shoes and warmth. Anderson and his wonderfully dorky laugh chuckled all the way. Ahh, having him and Jon onscreen together is so wonderful. The two of them then talked about Anderson's coverage of Katrina and how he made a promise to the people of New Orleans to not let the story go, even though so many other media figures have already grown tired of the story. Pretty good interview. But then again, I'm very biased when it comes to my silver fox Mr. Cooper.

Jon/Stephen: Stephen Colbert wasn't so quick to warm up to Anderson. He turned around in his chair to give him, not a full 360, but a 180. Jon then asked if Stephen didn't think Anderson did well in Katrina, and he shuffled to a 358. Moment of Zen: Pong for the win!