TVSquad

(S02E03) If I'm ever picked to be on a reality show (in a bizarre world where I would actually want to do such a thing), I'd have to get my opening credits look down cold. I don't know what I'd pick to do, maybe just a quick turn like Jack Lord used to do on Hawaii Five-0, or maybe just a calm smile. But the contestants on this show...what exactly did the director/cameraman tell them to do? "OK, the camera's on you now, act like the biggest asshole in the world." Seriously, what's with all the cocky smirks and nods? Gah. It's bad enough that we have to sit through a way-too-long "previously on Hell's Kitchen" opening, every single week, but we have to see these people smirking at us in the opening credits each week?

Ramsay calls the teams at 6:15am the next day, and of course many of them are still in bed and have to rush to the dining room, which begs the question: why aren't they up already? Haven't they seen this show before? Don't they know Ramsay is going to call early, or people with pots and pans are going to come in and wake them? Sara is late because she was in the shower when Ramsay called and no one told her. Ramsay still makes a wiseass remark to her about it, and he's wrong on this point (and she should have explained what happened).

This week's challenge: make 3 entrees. One member of each team has to sit out, and the other three work on the entrees one by one. Of course, neither team communicates well. The Blue Team (men) make all the dishes but leave out the sauce and bacon. The Red Team (women) only make two dishes. But they make them better, so they win. The Red Team gets to have lunch on a boat with Ramsay, while the Blue Team gets to do everyone's laundry - by hand. Tom has the quote of the night: "I'm not trying to be sexist, but women do laundry better than men!"

So they're out on the boat, and after Ramsay leaves, one of them says "I wish chef was here to rub lotion on me." How classy. When the women get back, they (like the winning teams always seem to do for some reason), brag about their day. Garrett says that the women "better have dinner ready for them." Heather takes it as an insult to feminism and confronts him, but he doesn't back down (blah, blah, blah, respect, blah, blah, blah).

During service, everything pretty much collapses. Keith is eating with his hands, and also his pants are falling down, showing his underwear, which customers notice. Ramsay yells at him about it. Keith's explanation? "That's how I rock 'em. You can ask anyone how I rock 'em."

Wow.

Meanwhile, Heather is barking orders at Sara. Ramsay yells at Garrett - twice - to stop whistling. Tom is pissed at Keith for selling him out to Ramsay, and Ramsay is furious at Giacomo for forgetting to turn the oven on.

Tom burns his hand, but Ramsay calls him "a drama queen" because of all of his sighing and eyerolls and wincing. Ramsay says that Tom doesn't care anymore. I kinda agree.

A table walks out, and Ramsay says he's going to do something "he's never done in Hell's Kitchen before." And he makes Giacomo and Keith switch stations. Um, hasn't he done that several times?

Blue team loses, and this week Ramsay tells them each to nominate someone to get kicked out, because this week "there was no best of the worst." Tom gets three votes, Giacomo one. And for some reason (I blame editing, because we must have missed something), Ramsay tells Giacomo to leave, because he forgot to turn the oven on. I think it might be because Tom is a better foil for Keith and Garrett and makes for better reality TV.

You know what sucks about this season? No one to root for. All these people seem either mentally unbalanced, immature, or just not worthy of running a multi-million dollar restaurant in Las Vegas. Heather, Sara, or Garrett? Possibly, but even that's stretching it.