TVSquad

Jon Stewart explained that he likes to work with the news networks (unbearable, depressing muzak, really) in the background. He recently heard a really strange phrase that, apparently, caused him to do a rather comical doubletake: "Forcibly remove actress Daryl Hannah from a walnut tree." Yeah. Hannah clung to a tree to protest the destruction of a public garden. The previous phrase is not something that one hears everyday... It's right up there with "Get these mothahf_ckin' Daryl Hannahs off this mothaf_ckin' plane!"

"Flag Hag": Bush returned from his Baghdad visit and held a press conference about it. Anything new with Bush? Well, for one, he now has the power to touch people and see into their souls (as shown when he shook hands with the prime minister of Iraq). He also promoted himself to Commander-in-Chief of Hilarious! He made this clear when he made some jabs at a reporter for asking questions while wearing sunglasses. Little did he know that reporter was Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times... who has an eye disorder that renders him legally blind. Hmm, President Bush. Awwwk-ward.

"Donkey Showdown": Jason Jones filed an Indecision 2006 report about the race in Erie County, Ohio. The first candidate, Jean Miller, revealed to Jones that she has a proposal to legalize drunk driving for a brief period of time every week. There was also a little trouble with getting enough votes for both candidates in the race, resulting in a tie (the Miller's husband didn't vote, Crawford's sons didn't vote). This whole report was absolutely wild for two reasons: the content (Miller's logic is crazy) and Jones was really, really funny (the "spin the bottle" moment with Miller was priceless: "They should call you Chad... 'cause you're leavin' me hangin'"). Truly surprising.

"Some Like It Hot (Not? Dunno. Weird font)": A little news on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, a film with a warning about global warming. Well, The Competitive Enterprise Institute has produced some television spots to bitch out these radicals called "scientists" and their "warnings". Apparently, they're scared that the liberals are going to outlaw breathing.

The night's guest was Tim Russert, host of Meet the Press and author of Wisdom of Our Fathers. Russert explained the sentimental value of his book, a compilation of people's letters about their memories with their fathers, and Jon made a few light jokes here and there.  After some book chat, Russert and Jon discussed Karl Rove and how he's getting off without an indictment.

Jon/Stephen: No segue. Jon faked being all teary-eyed because Stephen Colbert supposedly didn't want to ruin the surprise of the upcoming episode by doing a preview. Apparently, Stephen yelled at him, "Shut your dirty piehole!" Moment of Zen: A bear gets shot with a tranquilizer and falls onto a trampoline. God, I was so horrified, but I couldn't stop laughing for about five minutes.