TVSquad

Jon Stewart started off by talking about the World Cup, which no one but me (and maybe eleven or twelve other people in the country) really cares about. Well, Czechoslovakia the Czech Republic ripped America a new one, beating the US three to nothing. Ouch. The Americans did bad enough for TDS to roll a few clips from Rodney Dangerfield's Ladybugs.

"Much Abu About Nothing": More news about the Zarqawi death. Jon did the "Dun-dun dunnn! MURDER!" gag again, but this time with glasses. Unfortunately, he fumbled and had to give a quick lesson on the proper way to put the glasses in the jacket pocket to correctly execute the gag. Aspiring cheesy-gag comedians took notes. Anyway, an autopsy showed that it was the bomb that killed Zarqawi (although Bill Frist begged to differ, stating that Zarqawi still seemed to react to visual stimuli). Abu Hamza al-Muhajer is to succeed Zarqawi. Jon attempted to lure him out by promising him a beautiful dinette set and a Pontiac Firebird. No luck.

"Peace Corpse": Senior Baghdad Correspondent Jason Jones explained just how huge Muhajer's promotion is. See, the ranks go like this: Suicide bombers, the guy who sends the suicide bombers. It's quite a jump. Plus, he now gets the key to the executive rape room.

"Grand Heft Auto": Really old Rob Corddry report (May 31, 2005) on viciously high gas prices. Haven't they shown this, like, three times already? Oh well. It's still funny... and relevant, unfortunately.

The night's guest was Thomas Friedman, New York Times columnist and author of The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century. He and Jon had a discussion about our current energy crisis. Friedman suggested that we have a dollar/gallon tax, calling it the Patriot Tax (Ha!). That way, we'd be really pressured to find alternative sources.

Jon/Stephen: Stephen Colbert tried to do the segue while finishing up some radio promos at the same time. Moment of Zen: FOX News decides to try and find the connection between DOW and American victories in the war.