TVSquad

(S02E01/S02E02) As the second season of this reality show begins and the players are introduced, I'm really not sure who the hell deserves a multi-million dollar restaurant at a billion dollar Las Vegas resort (Red Rock). Seriously, which of these people would you entrust that kitchen to? Maybe Heather? The others don't really impress.

Here's the rundown on the other contestants and the first meals they make for chef Gordon Ramsay:

Keith: Chi-Ching Seasame Crusted Tuna. Chi-Ching as in "money." He's wearing a baseball cap like some retarded rap star, and Ramsay takes it and asks him if he has a hole in his head.

Rachel: Butterfly Shrimp With Chocolate Sauce. Ramsay finds it about as appetizing as it sounds.

Polly: Undone Focaccia Bread. Um, OK.

Larry: Potato Crab Cake With Soy and Peppers. Ramsay says it's hot but undercooked.

Maribel: Didn't catch what this is, but Ramsay spits it out, saying it looks like baby vomit.

Tom: Shrimp Scampi Caesar Salad. Ramsay puts the hot salad in Tom's hands and spits out the shrimp. (Tom also sweats a lot - a disturbing amount.)

Heather: Chocolate Raspberry Empanadas. Ramsay looks like he's going to have a stroke, and says they're hard to digest.

Garrett: The ex-jailbird's meal is over done and very dry. Ramsay says this and so does Gabe, who Ramsay gets to try Garrett's meal.

Gabe: His fish was raw.

Giaciamo: Shrimp something. Ramsays says "finally, something edible."

Sarah: She liked Giacamo's meal too, but Ramsay found her herb crusted salmon "mush."

Virginia: Coconut and pomegrante salad. The only thing cooked on the dish is the nuts, which Ramsay finds baffling, and says it's fine for rabbit food.

The teams are separated into the men (blue team) and the women (red team). Garrett seems to like this, but you'd think after five years in prison he'd want to be around women. The women agree they'll have each other's back, and women around the country laugh out loud because they know that won't last.

Hell's Kitchen will open in 24 hours, but how can that be? These players just came here today. They're supposed to learn the ropes and learn the kitchen in less than 24 hours and it's supposed to go well? No, of course it's  not supposed to go wel. It's reality TV!

The service starts and Tom's sweat is pouring into the food. Ramsay notices this and tells him to throw it out and start over. The women finish early, and the men are struggling.

The announcer says that this restauant opening is as exciting as a Hollywood movie premiere, which begs the question (same one I had last season): how do they get the patrons for this restaurant? What's on the menu? How is the restaurant set up? Is it a real restaurant with checks you have to pay and tips and all that? If any reader knows, tell us in the comments below.

Twenty minutes into the service, the only food the customers have is bread. Sara tries to help Polly, who gets upset, leading to the first quote of the night: "When I come to help you at your station, don't crawl up my ass like a hemmoroid!"

A customer tells Jean-Phillipe, the maitre' d, that his pumpkin risotto doesn't have any pumpkin in it (he's upset even though he ate almost the entire plate). He brings it to Ramsay, in one of the most unreal reality TV moments I've ever seen. This guy is either a plant for the cameras, or he's some unemployed actor looking for some TV face time. It's just so over the top and "perfect," much like Ramsay insulting those blond bimbos last season.

Tom's station catches on fire, and Polly still hasn't served first course after 90 minutes. The Red Team asks the Blue for some lamb stock, and they say no! The dining room is changing "I want my food! I want my food!" Please. Ramsay is pissed and closes the restaurant. What did he expect from 12 people who had never worked together, working in a restauant they had never worked in after only 24 hours prep?

Gordon says Heather is safe and she has to nominate two. She nominates Polly and Virginia, who she said she wouldn't nominate. Ramsay gets rid of Polly, and in a more satisfying dismissal, after the jacket is put on the hook, the player's picture is torched.

In the second hour, we get a repeat of the 5 minute montage that opened the first episode. Is that going to happen every single episode? I mean, that's like me repeating the highlights from the above review at the start of every subsequent review. Really needless, but it fills up time.

It's 5:24am. Everyone is asleep, so that means that sous chefs Scott and Maryann come in and wake up everyone with cowbells and the banging of pans. The fact that this would never happen in any restaurant in any city in the world doesn't matter...it's reality television!

Ramsay is pissed they wasted so much food last night, so he tells the teams to jump into the dumpsters out back and, I don't know, play with the garbage they wasted. I have to admit there is something satisfying about seeing reality contestants literally having to play with garbage.

Today's challenge is to cut the most 10 oz steaks in 10 minutes, with no help whatsoever. Some of the steaks look like malformed human organs, but the red team manages 12 that pass Ramsay's inspection, while the blue team gets 11, despite a great showing from first time meat-cutter Tom. Larry got 0 right, but he does love looking at the ladies in the hot tub while drinking beer. He's sick though, and he has to be rushed to the hospital! He's admitted for stress, and calls the other players to tell them he won't be coming back!

The teams are even again.

The second night of service, Ramsay makes Keith and Sara waiters. Keith is sweating like a pig (that seems to be the theme so far this season - sweating...is this show sponsored by Right Guard?). Gabe doesn't hear one of Ramsay's orders, and Ramsay repeats it, then says "Would you like me to e-mail that to your Blackberry?" Actually, he swore in there but it was bleeped out. This show has so many bleeps it's like the Emergency Broadcast System.

Heather burns her hand badly. Ramsay rushes to put it in ice. She still leads the kitchen while her hand is under the ice, but she has to be rushed to the ER. Meanwhile, Ramsay says to one of her teammates: "Here's what I suggest: buy a restaurant, put in one table, because anything more than that you're f***ed."

Sara ask Ramsay if she should go back into the kitchen, and Ramsay says that's a great idea. Customers are leaving (you would to if you waited three hours and you still didn't get food - again, what is the deal with this restaurant and its patrons?). Ramsay closes the restaurant.

Heather returns with her hand bandaged. Gordon says that in 21 years, he's never seen someone get injured and still lead the kitchen like Heather did. Um, I suggest that Ramsay work in more restaurants, because that's very common. The blue team loses. They had 0 entrees served. Ramsay tells Garrett to pick two nominees. He picks Giacomo and Tom. Tom says he'll never let what happened in the kitchen tonight happen again. Ramsay says he believes him and tells him to get back in line. Ramsay apologizes to Garrett and says there's actually another player he'd like to see - Gabe.

Ramsay gets rid of Gabe, telling him "Sweet guys don't make great cooks." Wrong again.

This show is certainly entertaining, but I think Top Chef might be better because it actually focuses on the food a lot more. This show is less about the chef's skills than it is with the craziness of the kitchen, the stunt challenges and team interaction, and Ramsays' personality. Still, it's a fun show. I'm just curious which of these people are going to be trusted with such a huge, high profile chef gig in Las Vegas. It's that rare reality show where you're going to actually look for some serious improvement from the contestants over the course of the show.