For today's episode of The Five we're going to wade into somewhat shallow waters and salute those smokin' cartoon females. They've impressed us over the years with their problem-solving skills, their keen intellect, their well-proportioned bodies, and their ability to shapeshift into rocketships, slide through keyholes, and take a piano to the head. Here we go:
Velma (Scooby-Doo): You thought I was going to say Daphne, didn't you? I won't deny Daphne is a hottie, but she's more than a little vacuous. Velma, on the other hand, has substance, and I wouldn't mind having her in my corner when crooked real estate developers start lurking around and trying to scare us. And heck, even that huge frumpy sweater can't hide the fact that she's rockin' some pretty righteous melons under there. I would also like to point out that "righteous melons" is an appropriate and acceptable medical term ... in my head.
Betty Rubble (The Flintstones): I'm not the first person to point out Betty's hotness, "Wayne's World" beat me to that over a decade ago. I don't know what she saw in Barney, though.
Cookie Kwan (The Simpsons): "Number one on the west side!" If you love tenacity and bureaucratic nonsense, than Cookie is your woman. She first appeared in the episode "Realty Bites" as an aggressive real estate agent and has popped up numerous times since then. In one episode it was even revealed she had a baby with Mayor Quimby, so you know she gets around, too.
Petunia Pig (Looney Tunes): Actually, I don't know much about Petunia, other than she was created as a female counterpart to Porky, a la Minnie Mouse or Daisy Duck. She only appeared in a handful of cartoons, but I think she deserves a shout out. You're gone, but not forgotten, Petunia.
Betty Boop: Jessica Rabbit? Pfft, whatever. If I'm steppin' out with a dame on my arm it's gonna be my gal Betty. Not only could this pneumatic flapper belt out songs in an octave range so high you need a telescope to see it, but she was also the star of some of the best and most surreal cartoons ever made. She managed to maintain that line between trashy and classy, too.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
5-20-2006 @ 8:03AM
Danny Cohen said...
uhhh, dude, Velma was a lesbian. I think she would've been down for chilling with you, but there ain't no way the sweater is comin' off.
You missed the big one of Marge S..., or should I say M. Simpson
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5-20-2006 @ 8:55AM
Toby OB said...
If you need a reason as to why Betty chose Barney, check out the package he delivers in that TV Funhouse short for 'Saturday Night Live' which spoofs "Hot or Not".
Here are my two suggestions for the group, to wash away that image of Petunia Pig:
Bobby Hill's girlfriend, Kahn Souphanousinphone, Jr., aka Connie, on 'King Of The Hill'
And the robotic female rabbit in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. Maybe it was originally a theatrical release, but most of us know the Loony Tunes best from TV.
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5-20-2006 @ 11:23AM
doc said...
I would have to add Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop to the list. After all, when the junk hits the fan it is good to have a girl that can pilot a ship and kick ass on your side.
http://www.saiyansvengeance.com/wallpapers/cb1.jpg
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5-20-2006 @ 3:42PM
Stephen said...
what about Bugs Bunny in a dress?
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5-20-2006 @ 4:38PM
Chris W said...
"Even that huge frumpy sweater can't hide the fact that she's rockin' some pretty righteous melons under there"
Made my day, Adam. That was a rockin' description.
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5-20-2006 @ 4:41PM
jason said...
im shocked....no Lois Griffin of family guy fame? she is a grade A Hottie! Giggitty giggitty!!!
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5-20-2006 @ 8:42PM
Wendell Wittler said...
So few female role models in cartoons: that's why Warners had to create "Lola Bunny" so late in the game, still:
Yogi Bear's sometimes girlfriend Cindy was a cutie, and so was Treeflower from "The Angry Beavers" (the only female beaver in the toon, ifyouknowwhatImean), that is, if you're into furries...
And there was something about the Tiny Toons secondary character "Shirley MacLoon"...
But you had to love American Maid in the toon version of The Tick (re-purposed as Captain Liberty in the live-action version); she was everything Wonder Woman was with more of a kick-ass attitude AND she cleaned up after herself...
Not to mention the cycloptic beauty of Leela from "Futurama". How could you miss her? Best role Katey Sagal has ever played.
But if you're going to include anime, Haruko from "Fooly Cooly" was THE ultimate scooter-riding, micro-miniskirt-wearing, monster-fighting, hit-you-in-the-head-with-an-electric-guitar, seduce-father-and-son-but-run-after-an-alien-pirate-in-th-end cartoon babe, hands down. Oops, was that a spoiler?
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5-20-2006 @ 10:27PM
Adam said...
You guys came up with some great ones: Marge Simpson, Lois Griffin, and Leela. I think if I did the post over again I might replace Petunia Pig with Sailor Moon.
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5-22-2006 @ 1:45PM
Gordon Werner said...
Just curious, but where did the whole "Velma is a Lesbian" thing start?
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