TVSquad

(S02E19) I don't watch this show any more for the plot. I watch it for the fan-frickin-tastic guest stars, and the awesome one-liners.

I mean, you know that Susan is going to get in some ridiculous situation with one of the many men she's dating / in love with / sleeping with / pretending to date. You know that Andrew is going to think he finally pulled one over on his mom, only to get slammed by the vastly more experienced scheme-stering of Bree. You know that Karl is going to be a dog and Gabby is going to be a little bit heartless and Lynette is going to (once again) get conflicted about her role as mom or wife.

You watch for the fun. The fun that includes Kyle Maclachlan as a random man in the movie theatre that Susan picks to pretend she's dating, then use as a confessor. And Carol Burnett as Bree's step-mother. Not to mention Gabrielle and Carlos appearing in court to defend their (essentially) kidnapping of their to-be-adopted daughter.After the state's attorney reads back a text message she received from the baby's father (who's on spring break in Daytona Beach), the judge decides to grant Carlos and Gabrielle temporary custody. "Just try not to kidnap any other babies in the meantime," he says.

"Oh, we just wanted the one!" says Gabrielle.

And Gabrielle continues to do just what we all expected her to do (and what Keith McDuffee told me he wanted to slap her for - I was a bit more violent in my urges, maybe something like a running tackle and several hard shakes), neglecting the baby in the hands of her maid ('cause Carlos wouldn't hire the nanny and night nurse she wanted), we're all waiting for child services to show up. But Gabrielle's lucky and her day out without baby ends with a purr. She returns home from her abbreviated lunch with Bree only to see the baby cooing in her bed. From now on, Lily, looks like you'll be doing yoga *with* mom.

And boy did that baby grow up fast! One day she's a newborn, the next she's the size of a six-month-old. Guess Marc Cherry had trouble finding a sufficiently tiny baby to play the part.

I didn't really have much to say about the subplot where Martha is sabotaging Paul Young in a manner best employed by a teenager. Shortening on his front steps? Gasoline in his lighter fluid? Tenting the house for termites? Hardly just rewards for brutally murdering someone. But it's a bit funny.

The part where Parker is interested in vaginas is cute, and a little terrifying as I expect I'll be there soon with my own trouble-making boy. It's chiefly entertaining, though, for the interchange between Lynette and Parker's teacher, who tells Lynette that Parker offered another little girl a cookie to look at her va-jay-jay (as they call it on Grey's Anatomy).

"What kind of cookie?" asks Lynette.

"What does that matter?" the teacher responds, a little shocked.

"It doesn't. I was just stalling," says Lynette.

But, as usual, Susan wins the prize for Most Ridiculous (and simultaneously Hilarious) Story Line in her many missteps in love. This week it's Karl she pines for, as he shows some of the stuff which got him divorced in the first place, trying to woo Susan back as he continues planning his wedding with Edie. Funniest of all, however, is Julie's response to the whole thing - bored disapproval of her parents' antics. The best scene of the episode comes when Susan, realizing that Karl's lied about breaking up with Edie to sleep with her, throws him out of the house in his underwear while Julie watches.

"I regret this marriage and everything that came of it!" Susan screams, then looks over at Julie. "Except you, you're my rock."

Julie raises her fist in a gesture of one who's seen and heard it all. Growing up on Wisteria Lane, I guess that's about right.