TVSquad

All we've been hearing about is Al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda. Well, what about the mom and pop terror groups? The Spanish terrorist group, the ETA, has announced a permanent cease-fire. O RLY? It's kind of hard to believe them when they're still wearing those ridiculously creepy hoods. But, according to TDS, they kind of look like the Elephant Man without their hoods so... maybe it's better to keep hidden, yeah?

"Respect My Port Authoritah!": It's the Freedom Tower, bitch! The tower, meant to stand in the place of where the World Trade Center used to be, is planned to reach all the way up to 1776 feet high as a stirring symbol of American subtlety (the runner-up would be the Apple Pie Baseball Freedom Flag-atorium). The cornerstone was placed back in 2004 and now... it's pretty much just the cornerstone sitting by its lonesome. What's taking so long?! Port Authority, the owner, and Larry Silverstein, the leaseholder, have decided to undergo further negotiations before starting construction. Geez. We're never going to get another skyscraper.

Senior Real Estate Correspondent Dan Bakkedahl joined in to explain why these groups can't just work it out and get everything started. Lots of things have contributed to the delay, including the fact that the plans have to go through loads of people, even Donald Trump (it's a New York ordinate... Trump has to anoint all new construction projects in special money water). A statue celebrating bureaucracy might be set up first... The statue would be constructed entirely of red tape and would be open on Tuesdays and alternate Thursdays... except in May.

It's Spring Break, y'all! Boobies and beer and badly sunburned teens! Whoo! Jon went over some Spring Break statistics... Females who have passed out and regretted it: 40%. Those who have had sex with multiple partners: 15%. Got sick: 30%. Had public or group sex and regretted it: 10%. Yes, that's right. That means 90% had public or group sex and were really glad they did. Hurrah, young America.

The night's guest was Russ Feingold, the senator who recently called for a censure of President Bush. It was one of those silly via satellite interviews so it wasn't as nice as an actual in-studio one. Jon and Feingold discussed the censure and how this censure would be the first since Andrew Jackson's ("Here's what I like about you," Jon said to Feingold, "You're kicking it old-school"). Feingold garnered a lot of cheers from the TDS crowd at several points (like when he said that he simply wanted Bush to admit he was wrong and apologize). Lesson: If you've got a mission against Bush and you want some liberal back-up, go on The Daily Show. Anyway, this was a pretty good interview. It was nice to see Feingold make his point without the camera cutting to awkward stares from his fellow Democrats.

Jon/Stephen: Stephen Colbert expressed his anger toward Feingold. "How DARE you censor the President?!" This is AMERICA. Moment of Zen: Bush spoke with military families, who are apparently prone to spontaneous standing ovations. Yup. Not a screened audience at all.