TVSquad

Jon Stewart started off by announcing that Congress has raised America's limit of debt to a whopping $9 trillion. "Are you getting an 'F'? Don't study harder! Just make the grading scale go to a 'K'!"

March 19 will mark the 3 year anniversary of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The first year anniversary was paper, the second anniversary was (we were hoping for) oil, and the third year anniversary will be Operation Swarmer, the largest air assault since Shock and Awe. Happy anniversary! "It's our way of telling Iraq we would do it all over again..."

Senior Military Anniversary Correspondent Ed Helms joined in to elaborate on the situation, explaining that Operation Swarmer attack will give Iraq a sense of normalcy. This is American returning what America does best ("We're not good at infrastructure... We're good at unfrastructure". We also added another term to Bush's euphemism conversion chart: political maneuvering = air assault. Man, with all those euphemisms and air assaults, Bush and his team must be exhausted. Well, the press seems to think so.

On Hannity & Colmes, Katherine "I Want  Your Soul" Harris has announced that, despite speculation, she is remaining in the Florida Senate race, adding, with a sinister glare at the camera, "I'm staying. I'm in this race. I'm going to win". Holy shit. I honestly squeaked with fear when she turned my way. Jon seemed startled, too, recoiling in fear as the audience giggled nervously ("You are totally freaking me out right now"). Senior Correspondent Jason Jones joined in to talk a little about the two things that Harris' entire campaign is banking on: her spectacular breasts (seriously, look). "What else has she got but moxie and spunk?" Jones asked." ... That's what she's named them".

The night's guest was Vin Diesel, star of Find Me Guilty. I don't watch late-night talk shows (Leno, Letterman, O'Brien, Ferguson) all that often, but, as of late, every time I catch a few minutes of one of them, it's always during a Vin Diesel interview. Diesel just went over the same things that I've heard so many times (he put on 35 pounds for the role, he was super-excited to work with this director, it's his first film portraying a real person, blah blah blah). I was surprised that Diesel wasn't sure if Jon was kidding or not when he was making macho jokes about working out all the time. Yeah, Diesel, because Jon is so ripped.

Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, who was finishing his pre-show meditation (I could literally hear millions of Colbert fangirls' imaginations run wild as they watched Colbert lying flat on his desk). Moment of Zen: General Peter Pace acts like he knows what he's talking about.