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American Idol: Mandisa Is Every Woman

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mandisaAmerican Idol isn't just a talent competition, it's also the slowest televised makeover on television. How do they manage to makeover the contestants sooooo slowly? They look better and better every week. And yet, it's not an extreme makeover. It's done so gradually that you barely realize it's happening, but it's happening. A tweeze of the eyebrows here, a push-up bra there. It's really amazing. I think they do it that way so you still recognize the contestants every week. Imagine if they would have done Clay Aiken's makeover all at once? It would have felt like a fraud. It's better this way. Slow and steady wins the race.

One person in need of a makeover is Ryan Seacrest.

I hate it when guys wear jeans with a jacket and tie. In my opinion, it's the suit equivalent of a mullet -- business on top, but party down below. It's just not right. If you're gonna dress up, then do it from head-to-toe, don't stop at the waist. But it was nice to see Paula sober this week, so big ups to her AA sponsor for actually picking up the phone when Paula needed her!

Mandisa- She was the stand-out of the night, by far. "I'm Every Woman" was a perfect song for her to sing and she hit it out of the park. Randy gave props to the arrangement, but I actually thought that the band slowed her down a bit and was slightly disruptive. But still, an amazing performance. Of course, the most awkward moment of the night came when she admitted to singing that song in the shower, and Ryan goes, "there must be quite a lot going on in that shower." Oops, did he just accidentally call a fat girl fat? I think he did. Now, in Ryan's defense, I know what he meant. He was talking about the acoustics, and he even tried to explain himself when he realized how it sounded. But it was too late, the damage was done. I know how the poor dude feels, I once hurt a transvestite's feelings by making an ill-timed joke about a breakfast burrito. Sometimes, you hurt people...purely by accident.

Kellie Pickler- Oh, why do we love Kellie so? Admit it, we love her. It's cause she's an airhead. She's Jessica Simpson and Ellie Mae Clampett rolled into one lovable blonde. Last week, it was the caaaa-laaa-maaa-ri. And this week, she's a mink...I mean minx...I mean...giggle giggle (whips blonde hair off forehead, bites fingernail for effect.) Kellie is just a few months away from starring in her own Pizza Hut commercial opposite Miss Piggy, starting a virginal love affair with a former boyband member...and then leaving him to hump one of the Jackass boys. I can't wait.

Paris- Did Paris bring it this week? No, she did not. I think she put on a great performance like she does every week, but she's just not showing us how well she can sing. She needs to show us what she's made off. And soon! Paula commented that "Conga" is a tricky song to sing, but I think she's out of her mind. I'm pretty sure I've seen a few people do "Conga" at karaoke and it sounded pretty close to the original. I don't think it's a great song to demonstrate one's voice talent. Paris is simply suffering from bad song choices. But I have to say that I love her fashion sense. At first, I didn't like how she always wore a long tank top over jeans, but then I went clothes shopping today. When you're trying on spring fashions and you haven't yet lost your winter flab, a long shirt is your friend. A high-five to Paris for teaching me the fine art of the waistline masquerade.  

Lisa Tucker- Her hair looked great tonight. I like it curly, but she just looked stunning with it blown-out. But once again, bad song choice. She can't find an age appropriate song that shows off her voice. It really is frustrating. Simon made a crack that it looks like her mum is choosing her songs for her. I doubt it. Did you see her mom? She looks pretty young and hot. The only thing her mom is picking out is a new garter belt to go with her bustier. But I thought it was cool that Lisa can play the guitar. Maybe she can bring her guitar to the Mandisa & Taylor duet.

Ayla Brown- I didn't really like Ayla tonight. I don't think she was bad, but I think her song choice was too contemporary. I agree with the judges on that one. It didn't showcase her stellar voice, and I know she has one. And I also think that she shouldn't wear heels. She's a giant. She could give King Kong a piggyback ride. She really does dwarf Ryan, that's for sure. She could dwarf anybody. It takes a real man, with no height insecurities, to share a stage with her. I guess she won't be co-starring with Tom Cruise anytime soon.

Katharine McPhee- Who thought she was knocked up? I didn't think she was knocked up. Apparently, that was a West Coast rumor, cause it never made it to me on the East Coast. Well, the one good thing about the pregnancy rumor is that it allowed Idol writers to take another crack at poor Kevin Covais. Yup, stud muffin Kevin is the one that knocked her up. Ha ha ha, let's all laugh at what a sexless dork Kevin is. That routine is getting a little bit old, Seacrest. Kevin Covais stud muffin jokes are about as played out as Brokeback Mountain jokes. But potential nerd fetuses aside, I thought that Katharine did a great job tonight. She performed with confidence and it showed. But most importantly, it looked like she was having fun out there. I loved her little triumphant spin after the song. I think she'll make it to the final three. Hopefully, Katharine can "lay off" Kevin's sweet abs until then. Ha ha ha. (See...lame.)   

Kinnik- I sort of feel sorry for Kinnik. She really blew it tonight. I like her though. You can tell that she is a sincere person and that she really wants this. But I just hated her performance tonight. It was a train wreck. At times, her voice was deep and then it went up too high, and it cracked all over the place. It was a vocal disaster. But the one thing that I really like about Kinnik is that she never argues with the judges. When she does poorly, she admits to it. And she takes it to heart. I really think that's a good example of character. I think that if I met Kinnik in the real world, I'd like her. And I might, cause I don't think she'll be in California much longer.

Melissa McGhee- I wasn't feeling this girl tonight or any other night for that matter. I think her voice is pretty good, but she just doesn't have that star factor. I don't love her or hate her. I'm just totally neutral to her, and that's not gonna get you votes.

My picks for elimination: Kinnik and Melissa McGhee

My vote: Mandisa

  

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