TVSquad

Is that Wednesday? my babysitter asks. Are you sure that's not Wednesday?

It is Wednesday, a.k.a. Christina Ricci, with her hand inside a patient. Actually, her name is "Hannah," and maybe she's going to have a recurring role: she thinks Alex is cute.

In other news, Bailey is in labor, her husband is MIA, and that chick from Judging Amy is screaming at the top of her lungs. Oh, and Meredith has a "feeling." And this feeling, we all know it isn't good. Shivers are running up and down my spine and every word is full of import.

I mean, except for the first bit, to keep the post-Super Bowl crowd hooked - the girl-on-girl-on-girl shower scene. Oh yeah, baby. It's entirely delicious, superfluous fluff. The whole room loves it despite its salaciousness. And I have to say, although Izzie is always the most babe-ilicious, the makeup and camera people should be given kudos - all three of them are soft porn-worthy.

There's so much good here that I don't know how I'm ever going to cover it all. The Grey's writers manage to set up the most improbable scenario - that Bailey could have gone into labor the same day her husband's brain was injured, while simultaneously a man with unexploded ammunition inside him is being operated upon in the next room - without it seeming forced, ridiculous, unreal.

No, it's so real, and yet charged with humor. Everyone feels better with Bailey back in the hospital, even if she is in labor (and having her cervix checked for an impossibly long time, while the staff looks on through the window - in my experience, cervical exams take place out of the range of all windows, and only last a couple of seconds. AND you can't really see said cervix during the exam unless you're the exam-giver).

Oh yes, and six centimeters - unless Bailey is having the World's Easiest Labor - looks way more pained than that. Every time I was at six centimeters, I was also having contractions every 90 seconds or so, lasting 90 seconds each. I am totally not exaggerating, I was obsessed with the contraction machine.

Anyway.

You know what's going to happen, right? Once the unexploded ordnance (as I describe it, my husband - he who's in the Army Reserves - looks so proud he could burst, himself) is discovered, you know that Cristina and Meredith are going to be the ones left in surgery. They'll volunteer. They're the ultimate martyrs, laying all on the line for their jobs and their men.

And it's Dr. Burke and Dr. Shepherd who are in surgery, one next to another. Dr. Burke is operating on the unexploded ordnance guy, while Dr. Shepherd is operating on Bailey's husband's brain. Neither would leave their patients (or Wednesday, a.k.a. "Hannah") to die.

Hannah might die, you see, because her hand is stuck inside the patient (initially, because it would stop the bleeding). It just turns out that her hand is also holding the unexploded ordnance. The homemade, and unexploded, ordnance. Dr. Milton, the anesthesiologist, is holding the little plastic bladder that keeps puffing breaths into the patient's lungs.

Until, that is, he loses his nerve. First he explains in minute detail what it will be like if the bomb does explode. Thanks Dr. Milton. Way to keep your 22-year-old emergency tech calm! Nice. Then he sees an exit. (What??!?) He hands over the plastic bladder to Hannah and explains that she just needs to puff it with "even beats." And then he starts backing away.

"Dr. Milton?"

"I've got kids." [pause] "Even beats."

Great Dr. Milton! Way to be a standup guy! Now maybe Hannah will never have kids.

Cristina and Meredith discover a stressed-out Hannah about ready to pull her hand out (potentially disturbing the unexploded ordnance, possibly setting it off). The bomb squad leader and three surgeons all swarm around poor Hannah, setting up a highly charged scene where I just wished that I was there, imparting my calmness the way I try to when my high jumpers are up for their final attempt at their PR height. (I know, not life or death, but the closest I've been.) I was taking deep breaths as I watched, willing Hannah to calm down.

Naturally, having four people yelling at you to stay calm doesn't accomplish much in the way of calmness. Hannah bolts and everyone hits the floor.

Except Meredith. Who now has her hand in the patient's body. Setting up one hell of a next episode. I only hope it's not as cheap and dirty as the previews make it out to be (but we know: trailers always lie).

But Sarah, but Sarah! you're saying. Isn't there something you missed? Why yes, yes there is. I did skip over a most excellent, and (yes) stress-reducing scene: Izzie telling Alex to take his clothes off! It was for real, and it was in that same supply closet where McDreamy and Meredith had their almost-kiss last week. And it seems that they do have sex. Will it be good? Will it last between them? Guess we'll have to wait 160-some long hours to find out...