TVSquad

"This is Wire Tap" (I guess this joke will be sticking around for a while): The New York Times recently reported that since 9/11, the NSA has flooded the FBI with thousands of names, e-mails, etc. of people who are possible links to terrorist organizations. Virtually of these have led to dead ends. Brilliant. Our safety measures since 2001 have grown to listening to people's boring-ass phone calls and having old people take their shoes off at the airport.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan defended the NSA's wire-tapping, claiming that it was a "useful tool". Funnily enough, Bush's nickname fo McClellan is Useful Tool. McClellan called the wire-tapping lawsuits frivolous. Apparently, illegal wiretapping falls somewhere between "Anna Nicole Smith vs. Creepy Old Guy's Family" and "Man glues ass to Home Depot toilet seat".

Dan Bakkedahl filed a report featuring the Hollywood Boulevard Superman, Christopher Dennis. Dennis has a lot of pride in his work, posing for pictures with tourists and spitting out Superman trivia like nobody's business, and takes great offense in other guys that panhandle on the Boulevard. For example, Elmo. Elmo is a douchebag. Superman does not like Elmo. Police didn't like Elmo either.

"The Most Recent NASA Project and It's Implications for Scientific Research!": NASA's stardust space capsule finally returned to Earth with a sample of the first-ever captured particles from a comet. According to the exclusive audio that TDS got their hands on, the scientists checking out the capsule spent most of the time talking about how it was, like, totally smaller than they had remembered it.

The night's guest was James Woolsey, former head of the CIA. He and Jon discussed the situation in Iraq, Woolsey's time in the CIA, and, of course, the NSA's new policy. Woolsey was very amiable, I thought, and answered questions in a straight-forward manner without sounding like he was lecturing. All in all, a good interview.

Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, who asked Jon to tell Woolsey to call him... Purely confidential information, but Colbert had the North Korean microfiche hidden in his boot heel. That's all I'm saying. Moment of Zen: We're in spaaaaace!