TVSquad

Chuck Lamb is a dead man. No, really, he's a dead man. Last month Lamb began to post pictures of himself online in various death poses. His site has since become quite popular and he's been getting a lot of press, too. Lamb hopes a TV or movie exec will see his "work" and hire him to play a corpse on something like CSI. I admire your spirit, Chuck, but how do you compare to other famous dead TV people? Let us compare:

 

First we have Laura Palmer, whose mysterious death was the cornerstone of David Lynch's popular series Twin Peaks. Notice how at peace she seems, how lifeless and soulless her visage appears. You, by contrast, have a pair of scissors stuck in your eye. And it's not clear as to whether you're attempting to pull them out or if you actually stuck them there in the first place. I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or laugh at you. I give you an A for effort, and another A for the cool image, but I like my corpses to have a certain je ne sais quoi.

Is it fair to compare a dead man in his late forties to an adorable and precocious little dead boy? Perhaps not, but I think you can still learn a thing or two, Chuckles. Casper may be a lifeless apparition damned for all eternity to wander the Earth helping little girls with family problems, but he accepts his lot in life with grace and good humor. You, on the other hand, wallow in chicken soup, unable to show the same vigor and lust for death your young friend has shown time and time again. Remember, you have much to teach the youth, and they have much to teach you.

I hope this constructive criticism has been helpful. Here's to your success, Chuck, and may your body decompose evenly.