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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on Ellen

tomcruisekatieholmes.jpgOkay, first of all, let's be fair: Ellen's "exclusive" interview with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Um, she actually just sort of ran into them – her "old friends" – at CES and cobbled together a small on-the-spot crew for a brainless, 2-minute chat. Because neither Tom nor Katie is inherently interesting on their own, Ellen had to work overtime to stretch the dialogue out to fill the segment. She chose the "name your baby after me" angle:


Ellen: "Have you thought about a Godmother?"
Tom (wearing sunglasses inside and freeze-smiling like an android): "Not yet - are you available?"
Ellen: "Have you thought of a name?
Tom (android laughter): "Not yet."
Ellen: "Ellen."
Tom (more android laughter): "If its a boy?"
Ellen: "Dylan."

Then they just kind of babbled for a long time. Tom said that "Kate" had just learned how to snowboard, and "Kate" said, "Snowmobile", and dipped her head into Tom's neck. Ellen looked on, confused, until Tom changed the subject: "Inside joke."

This was the closest it got to resembling an actual conversation between human beings:

Ellen: "I'm serious about really helping out. How often do babies have to eat?"
Tom: "I think it's a couple of times a week?"

So, all in all, pretty crazy-free, and as such, thoroughly disappointing. But Ellen fans would still be well served by tuning in – at the end of the show, she bumps-and-grinds with the Pussycat Dolls, and it's totally worth the wait.

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