TVSquad

Ahnold Swahzennegah can do absolutely anything and defeat absolutely anyone... in the movies, anyway. In real life, he can't tackle an overpass without getting fifteen stitches. "I'll be bahck... to get my stitches out next Tuesday... Till then, I'm not allowed to swim..." A picture of Arnold popped up behind Jon with the words "It is not a tumor!" across it. I think this was the first time in a long time that I actually laughed out loud at one of the image jokes. Still makes me giggle... hee.

Time for Bush's own figurative fat lip: foreign policy. So what happens when you throw Bush in with fifteen former Secretary of States? One crazy night of Pictionary and good, clean family fun! Okay, maybe not. Looks like it was just a lot of awkward staring around and scowling... After all, what can you do with a crowd in which the biggest balls belong to Madeline Albright? Worst. Tea party. Ever.

Rob Corddry joined in to talk about Bush's recent speech to Veterans of Foreign Wars. Corddry talked about the open debate (er... I guess the lack thereof, actually) and, after Jon tried to get some clarification on some issues, accused Jon of cupping Osama bin Laden's balls. Foolish Jon... How stupid of you to play into the terrorists' ways.

Professor Woo-suk Hwang apologized for the stem cell research scandal that recently arose. Jon did a bunch of jokes about Hwang's name... which made me kind of sad because Asian names really are too easy to make fun of. Seriously, if another person goes, "Wu-hoo!" to me one more time, I might roundhouse kick them in the face (yes, we do all know kung-fu... it's a fact, a horribly stereotypical fact). Anyway, he talked a little more about the dog-cloning and went on to go, "Who's a possible abomination of nature? You are! Yes, you are!" in a baby-voice. "Possible Abomination of Nature" should totally replace "Satan's Minion"'s spot on the doggy-bed. The next segment about the guy and his thumbs... BLAGH. Fucking scared me. I couldn't stop squirming in my chair. Just click on this link if you want to learn more. I really can't think about it anymore without my gag reflex kicking in (heh, my notes for this joke, verbatim, were, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH WTF"). No more Wendy's chili jokes, please.

The night's guest was Peter Bergen aka author of The Osama bin Laden I Know aka the dude with the funniest laugh ever. He talked about his new book and how he interviewed former members of Al-Qaeda for information about bin Laden. He did a lot of traveling and researching to learn more about the background and life of the man. There was more to this interview but I kept getting distracted by Bergen's laugh. It was like someone running over a hyena (on helium)... but in a cute way, I guess.

When Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, Colbert revealed that he also knows Osama bin Laden... Except this particular Osama is a broom-seller in Queens. Somehow, I don't think this is the same guy. Moment of Zen: Nazarbayev, Kazakhstan, flag-cuddling, me looking confused. Huh. Even Googling this one didn't really help me out. I guess some people just like cuddling flags when they're happy.