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Things I Hate About TV: Telenovelas

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Salma HayekThey're cheesy. They're corny. And now they're coming to America. Soap operas are bad enough. Spanish soap operas are even worse. They're long, the plots are always ridiculous and convoluted, and they're Spanish. Did I mention Spanish? Everyone falls in love and as Seth on The OC so aptly put, they always seem to be about some guy named Victor and his handle-bar moustache.

It was announced a few days ago that Salma Hayek's production company (it only seems appropriate that she should be involved with these disasters), will be partnered in bringing the very popular Colombian telenovela Betty La Fea to ABC. It tells the story of Betty, an ugly secretary who nobody likes... but it's okay because she's efficient. Sounds great, huh? Telenovelas are usually serials, running across numerous episodes. However, the ABC version of Betty will be packaged in to one hour - I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Even FOX is getting involved, and at this point we all know they're willing to try anything. A few weeks ago Yahoo! reported that FOX will start a syndicated American telenovela franchise called Desire. I wonder who came up with that? I'm sure other completely original names like Passion, Obsession, and The Fervor of Love were thrown around in that meeting too. Anywho, the COO of Twentieth Television was quoted as saying these telenovelas would be "Americanized without destroying the integrity of the story." Wait a tick. Integrity? Well I suppose I shouldn't act surprised at that sentence. It did come from a man who also said he was "really jazzed about it." Desire plans to produce three shows, each one consisting of 65 episodes each. Good Lord...

I've seen enough (and by enough I mean a solid ten minutes worth) of these things by scanning through the "world" channels and Telemundo. Enough to know that I don't like them. But according to The Hollywood Reporter, "the telenovela genre is red hot these days." Did I not get the memo? Fill me in here if I'm missing out on something.

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