TVSquad

The best part of Desperate Housewives; how the ladies turn traditional crime drama scenes on their head. You see these vignettes, straight out of Law & Order - only the suspects and the real criminals don't act the way they're "supposed" to.

We have, for instance, Gabrielle zinging her famously judgmental one-liners ("don't judge me, you beat your wife!" and etc.) in the prison's marriage support group. We have Betty, studiously writing a "confession" note which purports to be from her slow son, Caleb (THAT's who's in the basement! aha...) with her yellow rubber gloves on the kitchen table. And then we have Bree, who falls for the oldest trick in the book ("oh, I need to just have you sign this one form...") and is confronted by the detective playing good-cop. Her reaction when he hands over the damning piece of evidence - the "I forgive you" letter from Rex - is pure Bree, and completely confounds the detective. Instead of figuring out that Rex was poisoned, and that it was George, though, she is just mad at Rex for believing she would do such a thing. It's brilliant and the exchange, along with the genius casting of Susan's book agent, Lonnie, brings the show back to its last-season wittiness in a heartbeat.

I know you all want to get updated on the basement guy, Caleb. Evidently, he murdered  a woman named Melanie Foster, in Chicago. And there was an axe involved. It seems as if it was an accident - he's "slow." It's so-very Of Mice and Men. Someone who looks very much like him has been arrested in the case. Betty, for some reason, feels the need to have Caleb "confess." I don't understand - is he a flight risk, or isn't he? Was there someone else in the basement? He's so docile and gentle. Which is, I understand, a temporary state of being - but how does Betty know that he's in this particular mood right now? And doesn't need locking up? I don't get it.

And how could they not get that he might be sneaking up and listening? Cardinal rule of life: never conduct secret conversations in a house where the one from whom you'd like to hide the secret lives. If I've learned anything from TV, this is it.

Now you want to hear me opine on Lynette, don't you? I don't really have much to say about Lynette, except, dumb, dumb, dumb to be your boss' wingman. That's just asking for trouble. What if she doesn't like the man? It's sure to come back to haunt you.

I do have something to say about Nina. It starts with "s" and ends with "lut." Hel-LO? Honey? Sleeping with a different guy every night is not the route to happiness. It's only the route to unplanned pregnancy. Those rumors must have been true - the ones that she's going to become pregnant. Joely Fisher is, after all, pregnant in real life. She can't hide it onscreen for long - she's already so buxom. Her "glowing" scene is so over-the-top. It's great, but WAY over the top.

And yes, I enjoyed the dancing-on-the-bar part. My baby, Truman, enjoyed it too. He's quite the dancer. Lynette may not win a hot-out against Joely Fisher on a normal day, but she certainly manages to do so on the dance floor.

Is anyone trying to place Lonnie, Susan's book agent (finally! I know what Susan does for a living "from home." Somehow I'd missed that last season.) He's Wallace Shawn, from Princess Bride. Yep, Mr. Inconceivable himself. And the writers give him great, great, great lines. He plays the embezzling agent to the hilt. He's adorably evil. He lies like a master. He's so awesome. I almost wish Susan had finally decided to let him have the contract, so we could see him again. If only he hadn't tried to kiss her...

There was so much good in this episode, I'm not going to be able to cover it all and still make dinner. I just have to give a shout out to the funny, funny, funny marriage counseling scene. Oh I could just die from laughter. I'll leave you with my favorite quotes from this episode and we can discuss more in comments. Hmm, maybe some squash for dinner...

Lonnie (when Susan asks if he embezzled his clients' money): "Why do people keep using that word?!?"

Edie (to Betty, as she goes upstairs to get her mail): "Feel free to snoop around!"

Edie (to explain why she doesn't want to go to the re-burial): "She's going to read a poem"

Priest - marriage group leader (when the man who beat his wife reconciles with her): "This is an example of how to use incarceration for your benefit."

Other woman in marriage group: "I have a lot to say about the obstacles in my marriage"

Carlos (when Gabrielle wonders why he doesn't like her attorney): "I prefer an attorney you don't find so damn appealing"

Mike (when Susan considers sticking with Lonnie): "Are you sure you can trust him? He committed a felony."
Susan: "Who in this room has not committed a felony, raise your hand!" (hahahaha! I loved that)

Lonnie (describing his trials and tribulations): "Restitution plus interest. It's not something I'd recommend."

Bree (to the detective, who tells her that Rex deserves to have his killer brought to justice): "I know exactly what my husband deserves. Now would you be a dear?" (and unlock the break on the corpse roller)

Lynette (to the guy hitting on her at the bar): "Not up my thigh! Off!"

Mary Ellen (re: Lynette's bar-dancing episode): "An aggressive campaign of shock and awe."