TVSquad

Recently, some top US government officials traveled over to China to dissolve military tension... After The Daily Show rolled that footage of the hundreds of marching Chinese soldiers, I don't understand how the officials didn't wet themselves and run. Look at them marching! All in unison... I don't know about you, but a mass of gun-toting killers in uniform moving in perfect unison kind of freaks me out. Anyway, the idea of diplomatic talks with the Chinese throws Jon Stewart aback. "What is this, the Carter administration?!"

"Back in Black" (every time this comes on, I instinctively do a few seconds of air guitar... it's a sure-fire way to get embarrassed when there's others in the room): Lewis Black does a few cracks about Harriet Miers and her obvious lack of background. In an interview with Joshua Bolten, director of the Office of Management and Budget, Bolten racked his brains to try and think of something specific to praise Miers about, and all he managed to think of was "she is a very good bowler." Okay, if that's all he could come up with after he racked his brains, then we're in big trouble. I'm not sure how much bowling enters into gay rights and abortion... Actually, I shouldn't think too much about it, or else I'll get some really inappropriate mental images.

Tonight's guest is Bill O'Reilly. The tension is in the air and yet the audience still manages to stay polite... but then O'Reilly starts making fun of Stephen Colbert before the interview even really starts. He asks Jon about the "French guy" coming on after him (Annie's inner voices say, "Hey mister, I don't like your tone... Don't mess with my Colbert"). Jon jokingly defends him by calling Colbert "South Carolina aristocracy" and then O'Reilly asks if he's a slave-owner. Jon tries to do some actual interviewing and begins with the question "Why so angry?". Seems like the audience wants to know too because they cheer quite loudly. But they cheer even louder when O'Reilly reveals that he's thinking about retiring. I've go to admit, it was rude to cheer at that (especially so loudly)... even if O'Reilly was being a bit of a douchebag. The rest of this interview is conducted in a manner in which you can tell that Jon and O'Reilly aren't particularly fond of each other, but neither want to back down or look like the jackass with a short fuse. It's a "Oh, you're such a bastard! Haha, what a guy" type of thing. Anyway, O'Reilly rips on Jon and the TDS folks for trying to find the funny in absolutely everything, including the Katrina tragedies (Funny... on a channel called Comedy Central? Surely you jest!), saying that they add insult to injury. Jon grins back and says, "We do add insult to injury but... but you add injury." Of course, the audience goes nuts and cheers. There's a bit more French-bashing by O'Reilly, which leads to some more boo's from the crowd. Jon thinks it's funny because, well, when was the last time that France mattered? And then -- wait for it -- O'Reilly calls Jon a pinhead. More boo's. Jon still thinks it's ridiculous and compares France to Peanuts' Marcy: she's just kind of chilling on the side and never really does anything. Lucy is the problem... Go after Lucy! Man, O'Reilly's not backing down. The interview ends with a firm handshake with absolutely nothing settled.

Kind of weird because they threw in the correspondent piece after the interview... Anyway, Dan Bakkedahl is in Alabama, speaking to Senator French about how the state is sitting very low in education, compared to other states. In fact, it's sitting pretty low in just about everything... except infant mortality (I guess that's not really good, though). Danner Kline from Alabama says that the reason why it's so crappy is because the state doesn't have access to the world's best beers. He's started a grassroots organization called "Free the Hops" in an attempt to get Alabamians (Alabaminese? Alabammers? I like "Alabammers") to have higher quality beers... To have a "beerlicious experience", as he put it. I can tell that Bakkedahl is a funny guy, but he still hasn't gotten the reporter persona down yet. He needs to work on his reporter inflection...

In the Stewart-Colbert throwover, Colbert calls O'Reilly "Papa Bear". "Papa" because he's a sort of mentor and "Bear" because he can crush skulls with his teeth. Colbert suggests that the next time Jon gets into a conversation with him, he should play dead and let O'Reilly have the pic-a-nic basket. Here it is, your Moment of Zen: Dolphins stimulating brain growth in babies? Well, one anchorlady isn't shy about showing her skepticism on-air. Vicious.