TVSquad

This episode was nominally focused on daddies, and certainly, there are lots of daddies in the episode - but to me, it was about power. Andrew and George tussling for power over Bree's trust, Susan passive-aggressively fighting for power to keep her daughter safe from psycho Zach, Gabrielle struggling for power over Carlos' attorneys, Lynette and Parker battling over Mrs. Mulberry, his new imaginary British nanny.

Along with these struggles come lots of petty - and a little hilarious - physical fights. One one side you have Andrew and George in a pushing match. One the other side you have all Carlos' co-prisoners "brooming" the attorney who won't fight for a conjugal visit for Gabrielle. And finally, there's the ice cream war between Susan and Zach, funny and frightening at once. Most of these struggles are resolved by the end of the episode... but almost no one wins.

Let's talk about who loses this week. Andrew loses, despite a fierce effort involving the aforementioned pushing match, a swipe at George's sexual prowess, and a particularly icky description of his mom's orgasm sounds. In the end, George sets him off through the most dastardly act of faux thoughtfulness I've ever witnessed, and Andrew is sent off to behavior modification camp.

Bree loses, too, as she continues to display her amazing stupidity when it comes to men. How can she believe in George? He's so explosive, so clearly (to everyone but her) calculating and evil. His face even looks like it's caked with foundation (probably is, actually). How could anyone trust him?

Mike loses, because it's Susan who finds Zach. And Susan's fear - for herself, for her daughter - is too overwhelming to 'fess up. The conversation between them is bizarre, as Zach displays a psychotic unwillingness to grasp that Julie never loved him, and, in fact, is now terrified of him. Susan buys him a ticket to search for his "dad," and sends him on his way - a move that will surely come back to haunt her relationship with Mike. I wonder, when Zach finds out the truth, what destruction he'll wreak this time?

In Lynette's family, everyone loses. Parker's imaginary nanny, with her gigantic umbrella, is getting him in trouble and sending Lynette into tears (which, come on, that is SO not the Lynette who couldn't wait to get out of her house! I mean, maybe after a year, but after a week? Please). She comes up with the not-brilliant concept of sending Mrs. Mulberry back to London, for a nanny emergency of truly Poppins-ish proportions. Except, somehow, the umbrella ends up out in the street, and in the most blindingly unbelievable coincidence, Parker gets to see a garbage truck (going very fast for a garbage truck, I might add) run over his imaginary nanny and her umbrella. She's so dead, and the somewhat cute storyline is rendered horrifying. Lynette... stick with it, hon, ok? Your kids will be fine with their dad, he's a great father.

All I have to say (for now) about the Gabrielle/Carlos conjugal visit storyline is this: PLEASE give her a little weight gain already! I'll venture to say that I was still attractive during my pregnancies. But I wasn't so hot and rail-thin as to be able to get away with any of the outfits Gabrielle wears - even at 10 weeks. And despite the screwed-up timeline of the show, she couldn't possibly be any less than 10 weeks, and probably well into her second trimester. Can you give her a big butt already?

As a bonus, I'm going to leave you with some fabulously witty lines from last night's episode. There were some real zingers.

Susan (to Mike): "I can be naked in 20 seconds... that includes travel time."

Gabrielle (to another prisoner who overhears her talking to Carlos): "Don't be so judgmental. You're not in here because you got caught giving to the poor."

Bree (to Andrew, who doesn't want to come to dinner with George): "I'll be serving fish."

Andrew (to Bree, who says she won't pay for his swim meet entrance fee unless he comes to dinner): "Are you blackmailing me into attending dinner?"
Bree (in response): "You don't know the lengths I'd go for even seating."

Edie (to Susan, who's obviously looking for Zach with the belief that he won't be found): "Why you conniving little shrew. I don't know why we're not closer."

Andrew (to George): "Have you actually ever been with a woman?"

George (to Andrew, after Bree does her supposed orgasm noise over the cobbler): "Go to your room!"