TVSquad

11:01: OK, I'm ready for bed. But before I go, I'd like to thank my family, my friends, my agent, my lawyers, Jeff Zucker, Les Moonves, the cast, the crew, my computer, my fingers, and, most importantly, the makers of Tanqueray gin. Without your help I could never have live blogged this tonight. Oh, they're playing the music...goodnight! 

10:59: Outstanding Comedy Series: Everybody Loves Raymond? Seriously, Everybody Loves Raymond?! What kind of a world is it when the 9th season of a show wins for Best Comedy over a show like Arrested Development? 

10:55: Outstanding Drama Series: Lost! 

10:54: Emmy Idol Winner: Donald Trump and Megan Mullally for Green Acres. Yikes.

10:53: OK, the biggies are coming up. Shows that I think should win: Lost and Arrested Development.

10:48: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama: James Spader. 

10:45: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy: Tony Shalhoub. A good choice, but Jason Bateman should have won.

10:39: I always feel bad when they mention a writer or producer or show creator who died. Their face isn't recognizable, and sometimes even the name isn't known, so it's really odd when the applause dies down a bit when they mention they passed away.

10:36: The awards are coming fast and furious now...

10:35: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama: Patricia Arquette. For Medium? Give me a break.

10:32: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy: Felicity Huffman. I still remember her as a kick-ass assassin on a short-lived show called Raven, before Sports Night.

10:31: They should have had more of these Family Guy moments. And more Ellen. Where has she been? 

10:30: You know who the real winner is during the Emmy Awards? The network that airs it. They get to run endless ads for their TV series and they're seen by everyone in the industry and even viewers who don't usually watch the shows.

10:26: I've decided: people should not sing and dance during shampoo commercials. Or commercials for tampons.

10:20: I'm waiting for Rather to say something like, "this Emmy Awards show is longer than a grasshopper in a Ritz Cracker factory." Or something like that.  

10:19: A song and dance tribute to Dan Rather! No, actually, a tribute to Rather, Tom Brokaw, and the late Peter Jennings. Like the Carson tribute, it really shows you how much TV has changed over the past 20 years.

10:14: Alan Alda. On a related note, I read his new autobiography this weekend. It's quite good actually. 

10:13: Outstanding Mini-Series: The Lost Prince.

10:11: So, any predictions for the remaining categories?

10:07: You can vote for the best song tonight. To vote, either call...oh, never mind. Don't vote. You're just encouraging them.

10:06: Um...surreal. Why the hell is Shatner just staring at her? Can't he do something while she's singing the oooooo, ahhhhhs?

10:05: Oh my God...Shatner is going to sing the theme song from Star Trek? With an opera star?!

10:04: And now, something for all the giggling 11 year old girls staying up their bedtime: Jeff Probst and Phil Keoghan!

10:02: Made for TV Movie: Warm Springs.

9:57: Whew. Just about an hour to go. I think I can do this... 

9:53: Comedy Series Writing: Arrested Development. That's fantastic, but how does this show lose to Desperate Housewives for Comedy Series Directing?!

9:51: Comedy Series Directing: Desperate Housewives.

9:50: If I was a woman, I'd marry Jon Stewart. 

9:48: Lead Actress In a Movie or Mini-Series: S. Epatha Merkerson for Lackawanna Blues.

9:41: The Life and Death of Peter Sellers won 72 other awards tonight, but there's no time to name them all.

9:40: Outstanding Writing for a Movie, Mini-Series, or Dramatic Special: Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely for, you guessed it, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. 

9:38: Outstanding Writing for Movie, Mini-Series, or Dramatic Special: Stephen Hopkins, The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. 

9:34: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Movie or Mini-Series: Geoffrey Rush for The Life and Death of Peter Sellers.

9:33: Halle Berry with her giant earrings again.

9:30: Wow, a commercial for Perdue Short Cuts! I actually used them for my dinner tonight. Start Twilight Zone theme... 

9:27: If anyone is interested, I had chicken with sesame ginger rice for dinner.

9:26: Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series: David Shore for House. 

9:24: Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series: J.J. Abrams for the Lost pilot. 

9:22: Outstanding Guest Actor/Actress in a Drama Series: Ray Liotta and Amanda Plummer. 

9:19: The theme from The Jeffersons. I'm movin' on over to my bar for a deeeluxe sized gin and tonic. 

9:18: The Daily Show wins again, for Variety, Music, or Comedy Series.

9:15: The cast of Everybody Loves Raymond. Refusing to go away.

9:12: Amazing how those scenes of Johnny Carson over the years really evokes a different kind of television, eh?

9:04: Wait a sec...David Letterman is making an appearance on the Emmys?!?

9:03: Doris Roberts wins.

9:01: Matt says that Paul Newman won for Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series, not directing. Thanks Matt!

8:53: Outstanding Writing for Music/Variety/Comedy: The Daily Show! 

8:52: Directing for Music/VarietyComedy Program: Bucky Gunts, The Olympics. No love for Letterman or Stewart yet.

8:51: Mrs. Landingham! Kathryn Joosten and Bobby Canavale win Guest Actor/Actress in a Comedy Series.

8:49: Kristin Bell singing the theme from Fame. What a weird concept this is.

8:47: Best Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie: Jane Alexander.

8:45: Paul Newman wins for directing. He's not there. Probably making salad dressing.

8:44: What is this movie they keep advertising, directed by the guy who did L.A. Confidential. Something about...shoes?

8:43: You know what we need for those OnStar commercials? A "Where are they now" update so we know they're ok.

8:39: Blythe Danner wins for Best Supporting Actress In A Drama Series. 

8:37: I gotta admit, that Zach Braff/Hugh Laurie bit was clever.

8:36: The Amazing Race wins.

8:35: Best Reality Show Competition? Ugh.

8:28: X-man/singer/dancer/possible James Bond Hugh Jackman wins.

8:25: Donald Trump and Megan Mullally (though Ellen Degeneres called her "Karen Walker") singing the theme from Green Acres. This segment is brought to you by Advil. 

8:22: Second award: Williams Shatner for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama.

8:17: While we're in a commercial break, anyone remember those recipe sections that Kraft used to put in TV Guide on the nights of big specials they were sponsoring, like the Emmys? Why don't they do those anymore? 

8:15: First award: Brad Garrett, Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy.

8:14: The Desperate Housewives look like a group of bitchy high school girls at the prom.

8:05: Oh my God, the Black-Eyed Peas. What are they doing here? This song is unbearable.

8:04: Tom Cruise and Katie? Um, wasn't it Tom Cruise and Matt?

8:03: I truly hate it when they change the words to pop songs and make them award show-specific. Earth, Wind, and Fire: "Now in the spring, when Raymond said goodbye to the network..." Ugh.

7:51: They are asking people to get to their seats. The show is about to being. I need a drink.

7:49: Tom O'Neil predicts that Hugh Laurie, Peter Boyle, Doris Roberts and Tyne Daly are going to win.

7:48: Nuveen Andrews from Lost is dating Barbara Hershey?

7:44: Halle Berry is wearing giant round towel racks for earrings. I'm afraid someone is going to hook on to them accidentally.

7:39: Oh my God! Garner just said she's sad tonight because the Red Sox lost today! Wow, all that and a bag of potato chips.

7:38: Jennifer Garner has arrived, looking very pregnant with my Ben Affleck's baby. Still looks hot though.

7:37: Why isn't Kristin on this show more? She was on at the beginning, talking to the bleacher fans, but hasn't been seen much since.

7:33: Seacrest...in!

7:26: Hey, what food goes together with watching the Emmys?

7:25: When I go to bed tonight, I know I'm going to dream about Juliana and Star and Joan and Melissa, they're disembodied heads yakking away, coming at me.

7:21: Star just mentioned some facts to Terry O'Quinn. They were all wrong. Nice research, E!

7:15: Oh, it's Melania, not Meloria. Sorry.

7:14: If anyone's wondering, I'm wearing shorts by Champion, T-shirt by Russell Athletic, and shoes by Wilson.

7:10: Juliana loves "The Pivs." That's not a skin disorder, that's Jeremy Piven.

7:06: Star about Felicity Huffman: "One of favorite Desperate Housewives in the whole world is here!" Yeah, out of all the many, many Desperate Housewives in the world, Huffman is one of her favorites.

7:04: Star to Ray Liotta: "Do you like doing comedy? Do you like doing drama? As an actor, which is more challenging to you?" Zzzzzzzzzzzz. 

7:03: Jennifer Love Hewitt just showed up. She sees dead people.

7:00: Star just said "girl" again. I've lost track of the count. 

6:57: Kathy Griffin just pointed out that Eva Longoria is in a three way with Donald Trump and his wife Meloria. Deloria? Helium? Bologna? Not sure. 

6:53: Clay Aiken is in the house!

6:50: I just realized something. How the hell am I going to eat dinner and live blog til 11pm?

6:49: Hey, if you want to give some Emmys predictions, post them in the comments below. 

6:45: If you're curious, James Denton is wearing DKNY boxers tonight.

6:42: Star Jones is asking Marcia Cross the most inane questions about her boyfriend and yoga and Desperate Housewives "secrets." Ugh. You know, I should be getting hazard pay for sitting through this.

6:39: A lot of people don't like Kathy Griffin, but at least she's taking at least a little air out of this show. She's says Debra Messing likes to be so thin her ribs are showing, and that you know Glenn Close is thinking "I'm a movie star, I shouldn't even be here."

6:32: Is this almost over?

6:31: This is live, Star Jones keeps reminding us. 

6:28: Star Jones just pointed her puppy out to Teri Hatcher. The dog is sitting in a handbag.

6:26: Joan Rivers just said that "more excitement is coming." I'd settle for any excitement. This is rather excrutiating.

6:25: Joan Rivers just called Matthew Maloney "Michael Maloney." Who's Matthew Maloney? (Who's Michael Maloney, for that matter?) 

6:22: Now TVGC is showing Joan Rivers' Emmy appearances over the years. She looks younger now than she did then.

6:20: Chris O'Donnell just said he didn't recognize Star Jones. How is that possible? 

6:19: Kathy Griffin just called Halle Berry fat. Wow.

6:17: God, this split screen on E. Isn't anyone in the control booth looking at the screen right now?

6:14: Does Joan Rivers know anything about the shows she's talking about? She just asked Shelly Morrison if this was Will and Grace's last season. Yeah, I heard something about that. 

6:10: Emmy expert Tom O'Neil is talking about the Desperate Housewives "catfight" between Marcia Cross and Teri Hatcher. Plug for his web site, goldderby.com.

6:06: Joan just called the Emmys superficial. Sort of like having a ton of plastic surgery.

6:05: Apparently the TV Guide Channel countdown clock is brought to you by Nasonex.

6:04: Over on TV Guide Channel, Joan Rivers is wearing a necklace Mr. T wouldn't wear. Two to one is show's up on the Home Shopping Network tomorrow. 

6:03: Juliana is looking forward to seeing what everyone is wearing. Duh.

6:02: Carson Kressley is Star's co-host, and Kathy Griffin is with Juliana.

6:01: E! is using some really odd split screen. Looks like a giant window, with Juliana's head about to climb out of it.

6:00: She has also mentioned her husband for the first time. It's all about Star. Play the Emmys pre-show drinking game! Everytime Star mentions her husband take a shot.

6:00: Star Jones has just said her first "girl!"

5:58pm: The show hasn't even started yet and I'm already tired. 5 hours of liveblogging? What the hell was I thinking?