TVSquad

Welcome to The Daily Show's finale of "Evolution Schmevolution" week. For the final night, Jon Stewart decides to stray a little bit from the history of evolution and talk about its future.

Man has reached a point where it's now possible to intelligently design their own creatures. Crops that feed half the world might be genetically changed for the good of the world. Peter Sherwood of Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory says that they’re working on changing up rice because, y’know, rice is vastly outnumbered and constantly in danger. Sherwood is doing good for himself, though, because by defending the rice, “twenty years from now, our rice overlords will kill him last”.

And guess what! The folks over in South Korea have managed to clone a dog, “finally solving the world’s dog shortage”. Man hasn’t just created furry little animals but unnatural soulless creatures as well! People all over the world (especially Japan) are putting great effort into perfecting robots. These robots are doing some crazy stuff now… things that human so do in everyday life: trumpet-playing, fan-dancing, walking in circles… It’s like I’m looking into a mirror! Many robots are being programmed to be able to interact in social settings. How effing creepy.

Ed Helms continues this evolution reports by speaking to a man named Frank Janoski, a man who feels that Christians have taken a backseat in politics. He has joined the Christian Exodus, moving to South Carolina, the place to go when you want to be accepted as a minority! While questioning Janoski on his trip to South Carolina (accompanied by his miracle sandwiches of peanut butter and jelly), Helms goes into a rendition of “Go Down Moses” (the “let my people go” song). Anyway, the influx of white Christians to this South Carolina area has changed the place from white suburbia to white suburbia with one extra white dude. Janoski is one of hundreds (and by hundreds, they mean six) that have come to live a better life, bashing gays. He and his fellow Christians do not tolerate homosexuality and sodomy and will not allow it in their community. Helms brings up an important point though: what about all the florists and hairdressers? Ooh, you got ‘em there, Eddy. Cory Burnell is the young leader of Christian Exodus and he lives in South Carolina, guiding his people to a -- oh wait… he lives in California… hundreds of miles away. Well, no matter! Janoski says that he’s expecting Burnell sometime within the next two years. Helms gets a phone interview with Burnell and places his picture on the screen as they chat. He keeps proposing that they put random things on Burnell’s picture though (a moustache, a pair of rainbow suspenders, a wonky hat). Burnell too expects to come down by 2007. Well, what in the world is Janoski supposed to do until then? Helms makes the appropriate analogy that Janoski is kind of like the frat brother that ran out the door right away when it was time to go streaking, and the rest of the brothers locked the door behind him.

Some quick coverage on the president in New York, celebrating the United Nation’s birthday. Yay! Heads of state from around the world came together to celebrate, blah blah blah. The best part of this is the candid Reuters picture that caught Bush’s note to Condoleeza Rice, saying, “I think I may need a bathroom break? Is this possible?” Oddly enough, this is already a very diplomatic version. It normally would’ve read something like, “Hey Condi! Here come da fudge!”

Tonight’s guest is Gwenyth Paltrow because she’s an expert on Darwinian theories… or because she’s here to promote her new film Proof (I really like this play so she better not eff it up). The interview starts with some talk about Paltrow’s daughter and then it’s straight into talking about Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay and Paltrow’s husband. Stewart says that he’s been listening to the new album a lot (aww, he’s a fan). He starts asking her if she gets to see the shows and where she gets to see them. “Has Chris ever sang to you?” he asks. Paltrow pauses for a moment before saying, “… Is this getting weird?” and “That is… the weirdest question I’ve ever been asked”. This sort of feels like I’m watching the nerdy kid at school trying to talk to the popular girl. It’s cute. Stewart tries to save the question by giving an example. He meant it in the way that if he was a music guy, he would woo the ladies with his songs. So does Chris do the same when they’re out and it’s like, “This cheese is rancid and the wine is no good…” so he whips out the guitar. Paltrow isn’t quite sure how to respond but seems to find this extremely amusing. The interview is wrapped up by Stewart saying, “I feel like I’m in high school and I want to sit at your table”. Methinks Stewart is just a little bit obsessed with Chris Martin.

This marks the end of “Evolution Schmevolution”. So what have we learned? Well, for one thing, coverage for the topic may have lasted one or two days too long. But another thing is that we need to look away from the past and look into the future and see how we’re going to die! Stewart explains that it’s definitely going to be by science… some physics experiment gone horribly wrong where they try to recreate the Big Bang. Mankind’s last words shall be, “Hey! It worked!”

Next week, a new correspondent, Dan Bakkedahl, joins the cast (good God, Colbert is really leaving). They show a clip from one of his reports next week but I didn’t really catch what it was about. I was too busy staring at his baldness. Is he intruding on Rob Corddry’s territory as the token bald guy? I guess we’ll have to see. Here it is, your Moment of Zen: trumpet-playing robots!